The secret of our survival in exile is Beis Yisrael — the Jewish household

“And these are the names of the Children of Israel who are coming down to Mitzrayim with Yaakov, each man and his household came.” (Shemos 1:1)

T

he Tolner Rebbe asks three questions.

First, why does the Torah go on to list Bnei Yaakov, when it already listed them in Sefer Bereishis?

Second, why does the pasuk add the word “names”? If listing the children, obviously it’s with their names. 

Third, why does the Torah write “coming down to Mitzrayim” in present tense instead of past tense? (Rabbi Yissocher Frand)

As a kallah, I was in my element, planning, organizing, and paying attention to detail to ensure our chasunah would be perfect. But with all my lists and reminders, I still neglected one thing. I forgot to appoint a Counter.

According to Ashkenazi minhag, after the kallah joins the chassan under the chuppah, she walks around him seven times, symbolizing the barriers she’s creating around him to ensure their future home will be pure.

At our chasunah, I circled my husband, again and again, and then some more. After what definitely seemed like seven times, I tried to stop but was motioned to continue on. In our video you see my mother gesture with her eyebrows, trying to see if anyone was actually counting the circles. Nope.  So we continued to walk around my husband for several extra circuits.

Lesson to be learned: Forget the importance of a party planner. Mark down the importance of a Circuit Counter.

The Tolner Rebbe answers: This pasuk isn’t here to simply pass on information. Instead, it’s teaching us the secret of how to exist in galus. Chazal tell us that Galus Mitzrayim and our redemption from it are the paradigms for all future exiles and redemptions of our nation.

Chazal teach that the secret of maintaining our national identity in exile involves remaining distinct, not blending in with society.  Bnei Yisrael merited redemption from Mitzrayim because they didn’t change their names, their language, and their mode of dress. Thus the pasuk emphasizes the “names” of Bnei Yisrael.

The words “coming down to Mitzrayim” are in present tense to remind us that we’re constantly in a state of coming and hopefully going. We’re not in galus to remain.

It’s been a funny family anecdote, one that my kids enjoy when watching our wedding video, counting aloud as, yes, more than seven circuits are recorded for posterity.

But I don’t find it as funny as I used to. Instead, watching myself create those spiritual boundaries symbolizing our home’s fortress in galus, I want to continue going around. There was so much I didn’t know then, so many things I couldn’t have anticipated that warranted shemirah to maintain kedushah.

There’s one other secret alluded to in the pasuk with the words, “each man and his household came.”

In situations when we’re foreigners in a strange land, it’s the Jewish home that must be the bastion of serenity and protection to maintain national integrity.

Our fortress is dependent primarily on how a woman maintains her home. Throughout our exile, it’s been the “Yiddishe shtub” that’s been the key to our survival.

Sefer Shemos also ends with the phrase “all the House of Israel….” It’s the only one of the Chumashim that ends like that, exactly how it began. The secret of our survival in exile is Beis Yisrael — the Jewish household.

Oh, the places I would go, the things I didn’t know.

I didn’t know about the Internet, filters, and social media. Nor did I know about advertisements and billboards and how to explain politics to an eight-year-old.

I didn’t know about Covid, or the Kedoshei Meron. I didn’t know about wars and hostages and Iran’s missiles.

What do you say to a young boy whose friend’s brother died? How do you reach a teenage girl who’s frustrated by school dress codes?

How do you stay calm in the face of challenges, and accept life’s scripts when clearly you weren’t prepared for these scenarios?

How do you navigate shalom bayis and shalom with your neighbors and shalom with perfect strangers who may antagonize you?

The list seems endless, the dangers too many.

As Dr. Seuss wrote: There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

Thus, my wish: Oh the things I didn’t know and now that I do, I want to go back, to pick up my cue, I want to continue to go round and round, in circling our home so  kedushah will abound.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 927)