"Recording me without my knowledge, while well-intentioned, just doesn’t work for me. I think it’ll put something between us, and I wouldn’t want that in our relationship”

I brushed some dirt off the swings. “They’re good now,” I told Leah. We each took one.

I reached for the cardboard carrier I’d just set down. “One for you, one for me.” I offered Leah an iced latte. We swung gently, my feet brushed the ground.

“This is nice,” Leah said.

I closed my eyes and tilted my face toward the sun, letting it bake my head and put me into a zen sorta state.

“Why don’t we do this more often?” Leah went on.

We looked at each other, reading each others’ thoughts. She got married and moved away. But then we moved as well. Touché.

“How you feeling?”

“Bit better, baruch Hashem, it’s almost like magic. My first trimester’s over, and voilà, no nausea, no crazy exhaustion.”

I chuckled. I’ve been lucky this time around, no nausea, but oooh the exhaustion. I held onto the swing’s chains and reclined a bit, stretching. The pull in my neck felt amazing. Then I sat up, took a quick sip of latte, and felt the rush of cold and caffeine hit me. I wasn’t telling her yet.

“Baruch Hashem! Glad to hear.”

“And listen to this,” Leah leaned forward conspiratorially. “Pinny’s minhag is to buy stuff in advance.”

I made an exaggerated surprised face. “Oh! So what are you buying?”

“I found this crib and this blanket set, Ma, it’s mush, you gotta see it. Woodland creatures so it’s gender neutral.”

Something twinged in my stomach.

“I didn’t buy a stroller yet, but I’ve been looking into them. There’s the classic Uppababy, but I’ve been hearing great things about a new one, Cybex.”

My stomach lurched again. Babies. They need things. All my things are really old. They were never new in the first place. I got Leah’s crib from a gemach when I had her, and there never seemed to be a reason to buy a new one, not with my stuff all so sturdy and well-made. But it was drab. Why was this suddenly bothering me?

“Want to have a who-can-go-higher contest?” I asked Leah to distract myself. Her eyes glittered. We looked around, the park was empty.

“It’s who’s the highest after a minute, or we’ll be here all day,” Leah said authoritatively. She took out her phone and set the stopwatch.

“On your mark, ready, set, goooo!!” I pushed off with my feet, felt the rush of air as I swung forward.

I wonder what Leah will say when I tell her I’m due a month after her.