“…Yosef spoke to the house of Pharaoh… ‘If now I have found favor in your eyes speak please in the ears of Pharaoh saying: Behold I am on the verge of dying.’” (Bereishis 50:4-5)

The Baal HaTurim tells us that there were three people who used the phrase “I am dying”: Yaakov (earlier in the parshah) Yosef and Moshe.

The gemara in Taanis (5b) tells us that Yaakov Avinu didn’t die. Nevertheless he used this terminology since [in the future] Moshe would also use these words.

Yaakov didn’t want it to appear that he was higher than Moshe lest someone say “Yaakov didn’t die and Moshe did.” Therefore he minimized himself and said “I am on the verge of dying ” lest he hurt someone. (Maayanei Chaim Rav Chaim Ephraim Zaitchik)

I’ll tell you a secret. My entire family is perfect. My children are the epitome of perfection; my husband is a role model for all to admire. We never get angry or impatient even when it’s ten minutes before Shabbos. We’re all punctual and organized the type that color-code their socks.

All my kids are multitalented. They ace math love history and art. Our Shabbos table is a culinary and musical delight with deep Torah discussions between courses.

In general my kids are well behaved. I only have to issue a directive once and they jump to attention. They don’t fight and are attentive and helpful to their siblings.

Why don’t you believe me? Have you been to my house recently? What? Don’t tell me your kids aren’t as perfect as mine?

We’re all careening down the same crooked path that leads us to the same hopeless brick wall — and that doesn’t stop us from colliding again and again. We all know it’s impossible that children will be perfect it’s inconceivable that our spouses won’t have some faults and that one of the things common to all of mankind is the right to make mistakes.

Despite this we’re surprised every time anew when we crash into the dead end of frustration. “Why are you so spacey? Why can’t you get along with your friends? How many times do I have to tell you that falafel is fattening?”

On the crooked path there are only crooked questions and the brick wall has no answers. We need to bend a bit to discover the truth. The truth that my child or husband or brother does have a tendency to be forgetful nosh on leftovers and gets irritated when tired. What kind of crooked idea is it to think that everyone has to be perfect? That’s so not human.

Once the Alter of Slabodka Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel ztz”l went into shul approached the amud and began to daven. As he was davening he gave the impression of making mistakes in his tefillah. Everyone was puzzled. The reason behind his actions was that a man in the shul was in mourning for his father. He was afraid to daven for the amud and therefore stuttered while davening causing him embarrassment. To decrease the man’s embarrassment the Alter pretended that he too had difficulty thereby removing the shame of the mourner. (ibid.)

Why do I need to wait until one of my kids starts making mistakes to realize that they’re not perfect? Some falter on tests or in organization some struggle with self-confidence or reading. They want me to accept them despite that to create a space in their lives that says: It’s not such an important test and I also get mixed up sometimes. Things fall and break; people forget bags on the bus; nothing happens if you occasionally buy the wrong thing; and when I was in sixth grade I really wanted a solo but wasn’t chosen in the end…

We all make mistakes and we all hope that no one will publicize them. We know we messed up. Thank you. Now let us feel that you’re there for us ready to help us smooth over the embarrassment conceal the unpleasantness and give us a good feeling.

How powerful is that small chesed we can do for those around us. How noble and wonderful is that moment when we swallow the demeaning words and leave comforting ones in their place.

At times we also have to diminish ourselves and say yes I’ve also made mistakes. And telling you that doesn’t make me a smaller person — it makes me a great one.