Respect may not erase how we feel in front of the mirror, but it changes how we live within our bodies

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

Shira Savit

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irrors can bring up a lot of complicated feelings for women. I often hear clients say things like,

“I wish I could stand in front of the mirror and smile, but I can’t,” or “I wish I could love my body more… every time I hear ‘love your body,’ I feel worse.”

A lot of messages today promote a “love your body” approach. There’s a strong push toward body acceptance, encouraging women to shift from wishing for change to finding joy in the body that already is. For some women, this message is empowering. But for many others, it feels unrealistic. When a woman is struggling with her body, being told to “just love it” can feel invalidating and burdensome.

Instead of pushing for love, we can meet ourselves with respect. Respect invites us to give ourselves care in the ways we’re able to in the present moment.

There are times we respect people in our lives, even if we don’t agree with them, or like them. This is possible to do with our bodies as well.

Respect can be choosing to eat when you’re hungry, even if a voice in your head tells you that you “shouldn’t.” Respect is stopping to take a break when you feel exhausted, instead of pushing yourself harder. Respect can be buying yourself clothes that fit comfortably instead of forcing yourself into smaller sizes. Each of these small acts sends a gentle reminder: I matter. I deserve care. My body deserves care.

A woman shared that every time she looked in the mirror, she criticized herself intensely. When she began practicing respect, it didn’t mean she suddenly adored what she saw. It meant she started speaking to herself differently. Instead of, “You’re disgusting,” she tried, “You’re tired. You’ve been through a lot.”

Another woman shared that she felt like her body betrayed her after so many pregnancies. It changed so much, and she had a hard time accepting her new clothing size. Instead of striving to love her body, she shifted her mindset: I can respect my body because it carried life, it held neshamos, it holds my own tzelem Elokim, too. Focusing on the wonders of her body helped her care for her body with dignity.

A helpful question to ask oneself is not, How can I love this body? But, How can I respect this body today? How can I respect my body in this very moment?

Respect can be as simple as putting lotion on dry skin, or cooking yourself a real meal instead of picking at leftovers from your kids’ plates. Respect can be taking a walk because it feels good for your body to move, not because it will burn more calories. Respect might be saying no to more when your schedule is already too full. It can also be eating breakfast instead of meal skipping.

Respect may not erase how we feel in front of the mirror, but it changes how we live within our bodies. We can hold both — the hope for change and the choice to treat ourselves with care.

Shira Savit, MA, MHC, INHC is a mental health counselor and integrative nutritionist who specializes in emotional eating, binge eating, and somatic nutrition. Shira works both virtually and in person in Jerusalem.

Break or Escape?

Shoshana Schwartz

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hen’s the last time this happened to you? You’re home with the kids or busy at work and you think, “I need a break!” Not resetting the coffee machine while answering emails, but a real break. Yet after your so-called break, you don’t feel energized; you feel like you need another one. Maybe that’s because it wasn’t really a break — it was an escape.

A break is restorative. Closing your eyes for ten minutes, stepping outside for fresh air, calling a friend who makes you laugh, sitting by the beach, or even staring at clouds and realizing that one looks a lot like the almost-round challahs you baked — these pauses refill your tank. You return with more clarity, a little extra energy, and maybe even a touch of joy.

An escape, on the other hand, is usually about avoiding. Think random scrolling, mindless snacking, reorganizing the spice cabinet as if cumin holds the answer to life’s problems, or checking your email for the 37th time. Escapes feel soothing in the moment, but they don’t nourish you. In fact, they often leave you heavier, more drained, or guilty afterward.

Taking a break honors your need to pause, refresh, and reset. It acknowledges your humanity and your current struggle, and helps you regroup. Escaping doesn’t provide resources to face what’s in front of you; it sidesteps the challenge. And when the escape is over, the problem comes crashing back, sometimes with new ones attached.

Fortunately, awareness can put you back in the driver’s seat. Next time you feel that urge to get away, pause and ask, “Will this refill me, or just distract me?” Escapes have their place, but true rest will leave you stronger for whatever comes next.

Shoshana Schwartz specializes in overcoming compulsive behaviors, including emotional eating, codependency, and addiction. She is the founder of The Satisfied Self.

The Aches and Veins

Tsippy Kraus

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t’s unfortunately quite common during pregnancy for women to develop varicose veins. Often hereditary and more likely to become severe the more pregnancies a woman goes through, they occur when increased blood volume and hormonal changes cause vein walls to relax, while the growing uterus puts extra pressure on leg veins. Though usually harmless, varicose veins can feel heavy, achy, or itchy.

Elevating your legs when resting, staying active, and avoiding standing or sitting for long periods can make a big difference. Bring a stool to the countertop while peeling vegetables, or place a stool under your work desk when at the office

Wearing graduated compression stockings (support hose) can help by promoting healthy blood flow.

Another great tip for helping to ease discomfort is to alternate warm and cool to help with the blood flow. This can be done by putting the feet in the bath or shower and running the warm water on them for a few minutes and then the cold, alternating until they feel more comfortable. This can improve circulation and reduce swelling short term.

The good news: for most women, varicose veins fade or at least improve after pregnancy.

Tsippy Kraus is a childbirth educator and birth trauma release practitioner. She also founded Birth Journeys Online, a pre-recorded online childbirth education course for Jewish couples.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 969)