It’s essential that an observant Jew be willing to give up things that he desires to fulfill Hashem’s Will

“…When a man brings a sacrifice from among you to Hashem…”

(Vayikra 1:2)

There’s an ancient custom for children beginning to learn Chumash for the first time to start with the topic of korbanos. Wouldn’t it make more sense to begin with Sefer Bereishis, which the children are familiar with and to which they can easily relate, rather than the esoteric subject of sacrifices? (Rabbi Ozer Alport, Parsha Potpourri)

Reut was a local high school girl who’d helped out in our house for several years, folding laundry, washing dishes, and peeling veggies. She was sweet and quiet; the kids liked her, and I appreciated her reliability in a chaotic world of toddlers and tantrums.

After she graduated high school, Reut regretfully left her post to find proper employment, but we still saw her around the neighborhood and kept in touch. When she got engaged, our whole family rejoiced. She graciously invited all of us to the chasunah.

Rabbi Chaim Zvi Senter suggests that the reason for this practice is to teach children early on that the need to sacrifice is a vital and critical component of Judaism. Whether it involves sacrificing our hard-earned money to share with the less fortunate, sacrificing our valuable time to pray and do mitzvos, or sacrificing potential pleasure by abstaining from forbidden but tempting foods, it’s essential that an observant Jew be willing to give up things that he desires to fulfill Hashem’s Will.

My kids were really excited to see Reut dressed in white, and I decided to take them with me to the kabbalas panim and chuppah. We wished her a warm mazel tov as she sat resplendent on her chair, then moved back to let others have their turn.

The hall was beautiful, with fountains of water along the walls and filmy white tulle twining around long pillars of flowers. I was gazing around, enjoying the ambiance, when Yitzi tugged at my sleeve.

“Can we eat?” He gestured to the back of the room.

In my initial impressions of the hall, I’d neglected to notice there was a very impressive smorgasbord arranged against the back wall, an uncommon feature at Israeli weddings.

Yitzi was straining toward a spread of various delis, and Shloime was transfixed by a table full of treats. That’s when I realized my lack of preparation had created a very sticky situation. I’d checked out the caterer before coming to the hall and our rav had told me I wouldn’t be able to eat there. But I’d assumed the chuppah would be food-free.

Bending over to speak softly to the kids I said, “I’m sorry, this isn’t our hechsher. We’re not going to be able to eat anything here.”

“Not even borekas?” Yitzi asked in wonder. “What could be wrong with borekas?”

Not knowing how to explain the various shemittah halachos involved in making borekas, I repeated, “I’m very sorry, but no, we can’t eat anything. We can have a drink, and then we’ll go buy something after we leave.”

This philosophy stands in stark contrast to the contemporary attitude that a person has the right to selfishly pursue his own personal happiness and immediate gratification at all costs, unencumbered by a concern for others. In order to inculcate Jewish children with the appropriate perspective and value system, we therefore specifically begin their Torah study by teaching them the concept of sacrificing personal comfort and possessions for the sake of Hashem.

Suffice it to say it was a long hour until the chuppah. As I grew teary-eyed watching Reut walk slowly down the aisle, my boys were growing decidedly more teary-eyed over their deprivation and what Yitzi claimed was “pikuach nefesh starvation!”

By the time we left, I wondered if I’d made the right decision to bring the kids to the wedding. But then I realized that we’d made some strong memories.

Full stomachs are easily forgotten. Empty ones are not. While I filled them up quickly enough with a stop at our local pizza shop on the way home, I hoped that this lesson of self-control would fill them for a lifetime.

 (Originally featured in Family First, Issue 784)