Power comes from feeling capable, from believing we can contribute to our environment and society

Do your kids start muttering about Cinderella every time you ask them to clean up? Do you find yourself doing, well, everything? Here’s the lowdown on how to get your crew to pick up a broom and pitch in.

A

Attitude

Set the tone in your home through your attitude toward jobs and tasks. The first step is to portray helping out as an enjoyable experience, something fun, even exciting.

B

Big-Kid Card

Pull it out and use it! Invite little ones into the big world of hanging up towels and putting socks into the hamper. Keep reminding them how “big” and “lucky” they are to have reached helping age.

C

Chores

Research reveals that children who have regular chores have higher self-esteem, are more responsible, and are better equipped to deal with frustration. And researcher Marty Rossman of the University of Minnesota found that the best predictor or success for people in their mid-twenties was participation in household chores at ages three or four. Use chore charts, contests, and routines, and remember: consistency is key.

D

Decide

Decide what’s really important to you and adjust your expectations accordingly. Kids can’t do it all, but if you narrow the list down to two or three vital chores, you can expect them to get done.

E

Expectations

Make sure that your children know what you expect of them, and clearly show them how you want them to go about each task.

F

Fair Trade

We all have an innate sense of fairness, says parenting coach Dina Friedman. By encouraging children to help out, you’re helping them feel better about themselves. They benefit from living in a family home; subconsciously they want to give back. (Sometimes, it’s very subconsciously.)

G

Grin and Bear It

Teens have attitude, that’s a fact. Just smile, says renowned mechanech Rabbi Feigenbaum; let them know you appreciate the help, and convey that you expect them to do it, no matter how annoyed they are. Stick to your guns, and never do their chores for them just because they’re in a grumpy mood.

H

Habits

Teens don’t appreciate yet more changes in their turbulent lives, so make helping out habitual from a young age. Tasks should be age-appropriate, increasing in amount and complexity as they get older.

I

Input

Children are more cooperative when they have a say in what they need to do. Whenever possible, let them choose their chores and brainstorm together with them for ideas on how to overcome obstacles you’ve faced in the past, such as them not listening, arguing, or not doing a thorough job.

J

Jobs

Some kids need to be assigned just one job they take pride in, while others need three or four small ones to keep things manageable. Do what works for your kids’ personalities.