I am not aware of any sources who say that naming a baby after a deceased relative elevates his neshamah

Prepared for print by Faigy Peritzman

We’re Ashkenazic, but my daughter married a Sephardic boy and they want to name their newborn daughter after me. Should I allow that?

When your daughter married this Sephardic boy, she committed herself — presumably with your agreement and blessing — to follow her husband’s customs. So if your son-in-law insists this minhag be followed, you have no choice but to accept. But if your son-in-law asks you if you wish to receive this honor, and leaves it up to your discretion, then you should decline, since this is not the custom of bnei Ashkenaz.

My uncle had a very odd-sounding Yiddish name, and I’m told it’s not right to give a baby such an uncommon name. But shouldn’t my uncle’s memory be more important?

No, your child’s self-esteem and potential embarrassment (or being targeted for bullying) is more important. If you wish to perpetuate your uncle’s name, donate some seforim to a shul or dedicate a day of learning as an aliyah for his neshamah.

When we name a child after a deceased relative, is it just for our own memory, or does it elevate the niftar’s neshamah in Olam Haba as well?

I am not aware of any sources who say that naming a baby after a deceased relative elevates his neshamah. The only way to elevate a neshamah (other than by saying Kaddish and lighting a yahrtzeit candle) is by learning additional Torah, giving more tzedakah, and participating in extra chesed activities, while dedicating the zechusim to the deceased.

My father didn’t have a Hebrew name, but I want to name my newborn after him. How do I choose?

Choose a Hebrew name that is similar or close in meaning or pronunciation to your father’s secular name. If, for instance, his name was John, you can call your newborn son Yonasan. If your mother’s name was Rose, you may name your daughter Shoshanah.

If parents have ruach hakodesh when naming a child, why do some rabbanim later in life suggest changing a name?

While there are some kabbalistic and chassidic sources that indicate that parents have a degree of Divine inspiration when naming their child, that does not mean that the parents are prophets. Sometimes, under extenuating and specific circumstances, a rav may guide a person to change his name.

My mother-in-law had a name that is more commonly used as a boy’s name in most circles. Should we name a daughter after her, or a son?

It all depends on whether your daughter will be embarrassed in the future for having what is commonly used as a boy’s name. If that could be a concern, then name your son with that name and give your daughter a girl’s name.

My grandfather was not religious but I was very close to him and want to name our son after him. My husband says this is not ideal. Is he correct?

If your grandfather grew up religious but then rebelled against Yiddishkeit to the degree that he became a Shabbos desecrator, then it is not recommended to name a child after him. If, however, his lack of religious observance was due to a lack of proper education in his youth, then it is proper to name after him, but preferably add another name (e.g., that of a tzaddik) to your grandfather’s name. It make no difference which name comes first.

My parents gave each of us siblings three names and none of us use all of them. I’ve heard this invalidates the name. How does that work?

If a person never uses a name that was given at the bris or Krias HaTorah, then that is no longer considered to be the person’s name. Practically speaking, the “dropped” name will not be used in a kesubah (or in a get). There are some exceptions to this rule, so this issue needs to be discussed with a qualified rav in advance of a wedding.

We were recently redt a great boy for my daughter, but he had the same name as my husband, and our rav told us we should pass on the shidduch. Why?

Many people are careful to follow the Will of Rav Yehudah Hachassid, who advised against doing a shidduch if the prospective son-in-law has the exact same first name as the girl’s father (the same applies to a prospective daughter-in-law and the boy’s mother). Note, however, that this is not a binding halachah that must always be kept, and in certain situations, a qualified rav may permit a couple to marry despite this advisory not being followed.  

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 789)