“Dr. Geft, an amazing individual whose talent and brilliance is perfectly balanced with his tzidkus and sterling middos”

Exactly What I Was Lacking [Guestlines / Issue 992]

I want to express hakarat hatov for all of these years of Mishpacha’s meaningful, life-changing articles, and to communicate that Rabbi Yonah Sklare’s article about Hashem’s loving essence spoke straight to me. It was that elusive answer to this sugya I’ve had playing around in my head for years, that “avodah zarah way” of looking at Hashem.

I feel like I am starving specifically for your articles from daas Torah on how to make sense of this time — I assume everyone is — and Rabbi Sklare’s article was heavy artillery for heavy questions. For years, it has been such a struggle for me to relate to Hashem, and I feel like my relationship was pretty much how he described that of many talmidim: paying off a punishing figure. His article about Hashem as the Source of love is a fundamental teaching that I felt was lacking. I can’t describe to you how I mamash feel this is revolutionary for me. I really feel like I was starving for such an article.

So thank you so much for putting hardcore Torah and hashkafah that is able to do battle with the terrible events we are dealing with in the magazine.

On that note, additionally, the articles about Rav Moshe Shapira ztz”l were also so illuminating for me, and have given me a direction for more soul-quenching Torah. (For example, when Yonoson Rosenblum quoted Rav Shapira’s explanation about “she’asani kirtzono,” it was gevaldig.)

Meira

Not the Solution [Inbox / Issue 991]

I could not disagree more with Rabbi Heller’s letter regarding bullying. I suffered in the hands of a bully for many years. My bully was a scrawny kid, and the abuse he dished out was psychological, not physical. He was a confident and popular member of our class. He came from a healthy home, and was one of the best-performing in academics. My bully didn’t need “help.” What my bully needed was a slap to the face.

I am 37, and still find myself wanting to knock him out. I wished I had the guts to do so as a child. It would have brought me closure, and a sense of control.

The writer of the letter insinuates that it is the victim’s perception, through lack of social skills, that contributes to him being bullied. But I, the victim, did not have a language problem. I was definitely not annoying.

The letter writer concludes that collaboration with therapists and teachers is the right way to deal with bullying. But choosing therapy for the victim over immediate and severe punishment to the bully is like treating strep with hot tea over antibiotics.

Note that Rabbi Heller is a principal for very young boys. Bullying is a lot more prevalent in older grades, and his opinion may not be relevant in those cases.

M.C.

Lakewood, NJ

Etched in My Mind [By the Warmth of the Sun / Issue 991]

Thank you, Rabbi Nissel, for the beautiful memories of Rav Moshe Shapira.

The piece brought back warm memories of the years I was zocheh to attend his weekly Sunday shiur at 2 p.m. in Arzei Habirah from the sefer of Rav Yitzchak Eisik Chaver, during the years from 1998 to 2002, as well as the famous Thursday night shiur in Ohr Somayach.

During the summer zeman of 1999, I suffered a heart attack while living in Eretz Yisrael and was visited by Rav Moshe in Bikur Cholim Hospital. He said to me the following: “The heart attack you should forget, but the pachad you felt should remain. That brings yiras Shamayim.”

His lesson and his clear and concise way of relaying his deep thoughts are etched in my mind with clarity.

The pictures of Venice and of Padua brought back to life a most memorable Shabbos I was fortunate to be a part of bringing to light the greatness of the gedolei Italia through the lenses of Rav Moshe. It was a truly incredible, once-in-a lifetime experience for all who were there.

Thank you for making him feel so much alive to all who learned from him in so many ways.

Eliyahu Shmuel Ziskind

Lakewood, NJ

Down Memory Lane [Diamond Treatment / Issue 991]

Thank you, Shmuel Botnick, for the trip down memory lane with Dr. Geft! I, too, had the zechus of having him as my kids’ pediatrician and I’m fairly certain I’m not the only one who smiled the whole way through the article.

Seeing the pictures of Dr. Geft in his office (much of which has not changed at all in the 20-plus years that we were his patients) brought a rush of memories. Appointments (yes, we knew we had to be on time, but we also knew we would be out quickly), phone calls, the famous sticker box, visits — all with Dr. Geft’s signature concern and care for the “little person” (what he called his very young patients) he was attending to.

Dr. Geft always had time to talk to us, to get to know our children. He would remember the trivial details and follow up on them at a subsequent visit. He was genuinely pleased and proud to show my kids their percentiles and trajectories on his chart. He shared our brachos and was with us in our pain.

He educated us about our children. He taught us what to look for, how to know what needed attention. We learned what questions to ask. Today, as a grandmother many times over bli ayin hara, I can almost hear his voice when I ask my children those same questions he used to ask.

We wish Dr. Geft continued gezunt, koach, and brachah v’hatzlachah in all areas, for many years to come.

J.M.F.

Medical Exemplar [Diamond Treatment / Issue 991]

The article about Dr. Geft brought back so many warm memories about this wonderful doctor and remarkable mensch! When my children heard about this tribute, there was a chorus of voices fondly remembering their favorite doctor.

In order to be accepted as Dr. Geft’s patient you had to get on a waiting list. There was such a demand! He never wanted to have more patients than he could handle within the time frame he allotted to his practice.

Yes, it’s true that he was a stickler for punctuality, but I see this as another manifestation of his menschlichkeit. Many assume that a patient (and his or her mother) is okay with waiting a half hour, and sometimes even more, to see the doctor. After all, no one these days has a tight schedule; no one works and no one has other obligations to attend to. Not so Dr. Geft. If you had an appointment at 2:05, you got in to see him at 2:05. And you were out of there within ten minutes.

In that period of time, he gently and thoroughly examined your child and gave you a short tutorial about the nature of the problem. As a busy mother, I so appreciated his respect for my time (as well as everyone else’s), not to mention, of course, his clear and concise explanations.

And my babies loved him! They kept loving him as they grew older. And they still do.

Dr. Geft is the exemplar of what a doctor should be. We have been and still are so fortunate to have him continue to minister to the children in our community.

I know that I speak for many when I wish him a very long, happy, and productive future doing his avodas hakodesh. May he, together with his family, enjoy good health and hatzlachah in all the coming years.

Sue Arnold

P.S. That beautiful wall hanging that was featured in your article? It was created by the very talented Chumie Steinmetz. I spent many pleasant moments admiring it and marveling at her creativity.

Lights Unto the Nations [Diamond Treatment / Issue 991]

Thank you for your feature on Dr. Colin Geft, who was my madrich in Bnei Akiva in Cape Town in the late ’60s.

He loved to share stories of his time spent at Groote Schuur hospital, and I remember so clearly how all the chevreh would listen attentively as he spoke. His enthusiasm while learning medicine showed where his heart was. Even then, he would treat each of us with respect and dignity — we were just teenagers and he related to us as adults.

Our education system in South Africa was one of discipline and that motivated many to become specialists in their fields, as did Dr. Geft. The tip of Africa, the Cape of Good Hope, produced Jewish leaders in medicine, among them Shlomo Melmed, professor of medicine at Cedars-Sinai L.A.; Bernard Lerer, professor of psychiatry at Hadassah Medical Center in Jerusalem; Martin Abrahamson, professor of medicine at Harvard and a leading world authority on diabetes.

As lights unto the nations, these brilliant doctors continue inspiring us as they leave lasting legacies of the Jewish spirit.

Michael Goldstein

Karmiel, Israel

No Better Mentor [Diamond Treatment / Issue 991]

Kudos to Shmuel Botnick on a beautiful portrait of Dr. Geft, an amazing individual whose talent and brilliance is perfectly balanced with his tzidkus and sterling middos.

Dr. Geft once related to me that his fixation with prompt appointments is because as a student he was once kept waiting by a superior and the delay caused him a great personal cost. Instead of focusing on anger at that person, he utilized this as a learning opportunity. He vowed that he would never consider his time to be more valuable than someone else’s, no matter their age or stage in life. Thus for the next 40-plus years, he has never kept a patient waiting.

I originally met Dr. Geft on a visit to Toronto. I was not a resident. My baby had a croup attack and I was told that there was a man in town who would not turn away a sick child. And so I found myself in his office with both the sick baby and a toddler in tow.

He offered to check the toddler (who was not the intended patient) as well, and to our utter shock and amazement, in under a minute, he diagnosed a rare condition that his regular pediatrician had not noticed in three years of examinations. (Once diagnosed, it was easily treated and healed.)

Needless to say, when we moved to Toronto years later, I knew one aspect of the move I didn’t have to worry about was finding a competent doctor for my family.

The icing on the cake is that our son, inspired by Dr. Geft, has become a family doctor in Toronto as well. He is pictured in the article. We are so proud that he is utilizing the opportunity to shadow Dr. Geft even as he runs his own busy practice. He could not have a better mentor anywhere in the world!

Malya Grunfeld

He Made Our Simchah [Mood Mix / Issue 990]

We so enjoyed your spotlight on Yossi Newman. His story of bringing simchah to patients in the hospital, to special needs campers, and to audiences across the country is no surprise to us.

We were “blessed” to be making a Covid wedding in the extremely tight timeframe of four weeks. We had to plan a wedding that had just switched from Eretz Yisrael to the US, and we started from scratch: hall, food, rabbi, guests, flowers and decor, and, of course, music. We live out of town and had no idea who or how many of our friends and family would be able to attend the wedding that was so suddenly rescheduled and relocated to New Jersey. Nor did we know how it would be festive (or if it would be festive) and bring simchah to our kallah and chassan.

Enter Yossi Newman and his friend, musical artist Yoni Z. They were available for our date and venue, and together they literally carried the day. It was indeed a small wedding but these two brought so much ruach to the special occasion.

I can’t begin to express our hakaras hatov for Yossi and Yoni. They made our simchah — which was kind of a stressful time if I’m being honest — into just that: a true simchah.

Thank you sharing some of the backstory and accomplishments of this talented and humble artist.

The Lindow Family 

South Bend, IN

Foolish Investment [Money Talks / Issue 988]

Thank you for bringing up the topic of life insurance investing. As we have many agents in our community, these products are constantly pitched, especially to younger families.

In my younger years, I used to view whole life insurance products as “normal” investments. One agent went around kollel and signed up many of us yungeleit for whole life policies. We all thought that we were protecting our families and growing our savings responsibly. Only once I grew more financially literate did I realize how foolish we were.

In reality, we locked up significant money for decades that would barely beat inflation. There were many hidden fees and costs as well. We could have been building real wealth in real estate or stocks that would help us buy houses and support our growing families. Instead, we had to keep paying our premiums to prevent us from losing our policies, while we barely saw any growth. Had we known to avoid life insurance investing, we likely would be much better off financially.

As improving the “parnassah crisis” becomes a talking point, it’s crucial to educate young families to avoid costly mistakes. As this is a very nuanced conversation, I would love if Mishpacha could have an unbiased report or investment manager do a deep dive on these policies, so young families can make better financial decisions.

Yoel Lieberman

Misleading Claim [Money Talks / Issue 988]

Yudi Goldfein was spot on in the Money Talks interview (Issue 988), and Motty Weinstock’s letter in last week’s Issue (991) titled “Important Context” is missing important information.

Mr. Weinstock’s statement that “one of the side benefits that many people find attractive is the cash value, which grows slowly but surely” and “is there when you need it” is misleading.

After paying premiums for many years on a whole life policy, my senior citizen friends and I found out that the cash value that accumulates in a whole life policy reverts to the life insurance company upon death of the insured. The claim that you can “tap into the cash value” is also misleading. As soon as you “tap into the cash value,” it creates a “loan” that needs to be paid back with interest, and as long as the loan with interest in not paid back, that amount is deducted from the proceeds.

While Mr. Weinstock concedes that whole life insurance is not an investment, the vast majority of insurance agents are selling whole life policies as a “good investment” — possibly because the commissions are much higher? The good advisors that Mr. Weinstock refers to sell term life insurance with a formula which, under normal circumstances, renews the term insurance enough times and early enough to make sure that one has coverage until all of their children are married.

Gladys B.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 993)