“The struggle we are facing, being bored in class, pales significantly to the struggle of those who simply cannot master the basics”

He Cried His Eyes Out [Tragedy and Trust / Issue 990]

I read Rabbi Dovid Gernetz’s article describing the daunting yet noble efforts of Rav Ovadiah Yosef ztz”l and his son Rav Yitzchak shlita, who were tasked with scouring endless physical evidence and subsequently sifting through the multitude of poskim in an effort to be matir the agunos left in limbo as a result of Israel’s multiple wars.

At the end of the article, a question was posed regarding Rav Ovadiah: How did he merit such siyata d’Shmaya? The answer that Rabbi Gernetz cites may have been the Chacham’s humble response. I believe that a more accurate answer may be hidden in the following anecdote.

Rav Moshe Yosef, son of Chacham Ovadiah, relates that during the weeks and months after the Yom Kippur War, his father’s eyesight began to fail. The doctors attributed the Chacham’s condition to his constant weeping, night after night, trying to find heteirim for bnos Yisrael in pain. The doctors (one is identified as Professor Zoberman) were stumped and could not find a remedy; they concluded that his eyes were doomed. His son remembers dictating to his father from his vast library in order to enable him to learn during that painful period when he lost his ability to see.

The Chacham, however, didn’t give up hope and he asked his family to take him to the kever of Rav Yosef Karo, the legendary Beis Yosef, to whom Sephardim cling as their primary posek in halachah. The Chacham begged the Beis Yosef to intercede to Hashem on his behalf in the zechus of the Chacham’s staunch efforts to defend and spread the light of the Beis Yosef throughout Klal Yisrael. Not long after he completed his tefillos, the Chacham regained his eyesight in one eye, but had to wear dark sunglasses to protect the other remaining weak eye.

Chacham Ovadiah merited siyata d’Shmaya because he internalized the pain of hundreds of bnos Yisrael to the extent that he literally “cried his eyes out” for months on end. It is no wonder that Hashem gifted him with siyata d’Shmaya to guide everyone according to the correct halachah without making any errors.

Rabbi Sholom Gray

All Hands on Deck [Guestlines / Issue 989]

I am writing this letter because of my great respect for Dr. Wikler. At the same time, I fear his “wimps no more” approach will not work. You can’t punch your way into social acceptance!

Bullying is very rare. It takes two players to create the bullying experience: 1) the bully, and 2) the victim. Twenty other kids in the class might suffer a little from the bully, but they are not victims. There is a reason that the victim is the victim!

Teaching our wimp to stand up to “Simcha Shtark” is difficult. It might be true that the bully deserves a punch in the nose, but our victim can’t be expected to execute it. The only way to deal with this properly is with a three-pronged approach.

1. The bully needs to get help.
2. The victim needs to get help. He might have a language issue, his perception might be off, he might not know how to read facial expressions, or he might just be very annoying.

The school must set up real consequences for the bully. The therapist must collect the nuanced and subtle stories of how and where our dear victim needs help.

The only way that this can work is through collaboration. It is critically important that the parents pay the therapist extra to reach out to the rebbi/teacher and hear their take on the issues. Therapists often are working in a bubble if they don’t reach out to the school.

Once the therapist has a full picture of the issues, he or she can guide the victim on how to navigate the situations.

3. The final step in the process must be to empower the bystander. We must teach the rest of the class to stand up to bullies.

Dealing with the bully needs all hands on deck! Dealing with the bully requires a leader to pull it all together.

Rabbi Y.M. Heller

Menahel P-2, Tashbar of Lakewood

The Woman Who Listened In [For the Record / Issue 989]

Allow me to praise and thank your writers for the beautiful and masterfully expressed article about my grandfather Rav Moishe Dovid Flesch’s derashah stressing the enormous ability of Klal Yisrael’s nashim, a derashah that was the starting point of Sarah Schenirer’s Bais Yaakov revolution.

Allow me to make some minor corrections for the sake of historical accuracies and add some interesting details. The article claimed, “It is hard to imagine that the well-read autodidact was not already familiar with the Midrashic tale of Yehudis.” She was most likely not familiar because she could not understand Lashon Hakodesh. Indeed, she was very pleased when her father brought home a Chumash with a Yiddish translation of the pesukim and meforshim.

Although she was surely interested to hear derashos even in her native Krakow, it was almost impossible for nashim to understand their pilpul and lomdish style. Hashgachah pratis led her to Rav Flesch in Vienna, who spoke in fluent German and in a way understandable by all.

You report that the “Frankfurt-educated rabbi carried the method and ideology of Rav Hirsch,” and that “he became an adherent of Rav Hirsch’s religious philosophy and would incorporate many of its precepts in his own teachings.” It is true that in the absence of Yiddish schools for girls, Rav Flesch himself taught his daughter (including my mother, his oldest daughter) Chumash with Rav Hirsch. However, nowhere in the manuscripts of hundreds of derashos (which the undersigned has) does the name of Rav Hirsch appear. Nowhere do we find an elaboration of Torah im derech eretz, which the undersigned read at length in Rav Hirsch’s essays. Nowhere do we find an elaboration of Rav Hirsch’s peirushim or Weltanschauung.

In fact, my cousin Rav Shlimoh Matisyohu Loewenthal has published a number of his derashos (under the name Mesukim Midvash) and he concluded that his style and content is considerably nearer to the Ksav Sofer’s style than to Rav Hirsch’s style. After all, he came from the Pressburg area. While indeed he learned in Frankfurt, he also learned for many years in Pressburg, including the semichah program.

You mention that he was born into a rabbinic family. In fact, his father was a wholesaler, but in previous generations there had been rabbanim. Thus it was Rav Moishe Dovid Flesch’s own decision to return from office work to full-time learning. To their enormous credit, his sisters helped finance this plan despite the family’s very limited means. It was nashim who helped him to fulfill his life’s desire and ultimately teach Sarah Schenirer, and it was he who returned this wonderful favor to Klal Yisrael’s nashim.

This took place by firstly encouraging Sarah Schenirer, and secondly providing her through the many shiurim she attended so diligently with material, thus enabling her to teach. After all, she had never learned in a seminary!

You also write that after being released from the Gestapo prison sometime after Kristallnacht, Rav Flesch “quickly” escaped to Holland. It is worth noting that originally he applied to be let into England. However, England, not seeing any monetary gain from this rabbi, refused. On the other hand, Holland opened its gate widely to refugees. He moved there, only to be caught and deported by the Nazis at a later stage.

Perhaps we can derive from the remarkable story you describe so beautifully some limudim:

1. To speak to the audience, not above them. While the nashim could not really understand the standard derashos in Eastern Europe, Rav Flesch’s derashos were quite understandable. In Vienna he could not assume much knowledge on the part of his very varied audience and so had to explain everything.
2. Even the greatest storm can have a small silver lining. World War I was a disaster for Klal Yisrael. However due to it Sarah Schenirer met her mentor. This turned into a hatzalah for Klal Yisrael.
3. Many do not realize that Sarah Schenirer actually possessed her own willpower to be mechanech nashim (as is evident from her diary). Hashgachah pratis intervened to translate her potential into action.
4. The positive approach of praising and highlighting the great ability of Yehudis-like nashim is far more powerful than mere bewailing of the sad state of affairs. Many cried about their young daughters. It was Sarah Schenirer who did something about it.
5. As you indicated, Rav Flesch had many talmidim and shiur attendees. But surprisingly it was this sole woman who sat in the Ezras Nashim (for whom the shamash asked permission of Rav Flesch, which was very willingly granted— heard from my mother) who caused his teachings to have a far reaching impact upon Klal Yisrael. Rabi Akiva lost 24,000 talmidim. But he started again with five! Rav Flesch lost hundreds of murdered talmidim, but the influence of one talmidah survived. The seemingly most insignificant listener had the most significant long-term impact!

Anybody interested in more details about Rav Flesch and his relationship with Sarah Schenirer can find it in sefer Sherarah shehu Avdut by Rav Moishe Dovid Loewenthal (in Hebrew) or by contacting the undersigned via Mishpacha for a detailed English biography.

Moishe Dovid Spiro

(Frankfurt-Gateshead)

Boredom Is Not a Disease [Counterpoint / Issue 990]

Klal Yisrael is blessed with many gifted children and a good many geniuses. I know of one young man who learned to read Hebrew and English while he was still in his high chair. He skipped grades regularly. His son, who is also gifted, was, by his parent’s choice, never skipped. He turned out to be an exceptional person.

The author of the response “All Our Children” was fortunate to study on a gifted track, and her daughter was lucky that the small school she attended was able to accommodate her needs. This is the exception and not the rule. Most of our schools do not have a “gifted track,” but we do have gifted children and exceptional children, who read and study much beyond the classroom, whose company and friendship is priceless, far more valuable than any additional information and projects.

Boredom is not a disease and small classes with individualized attention are not the answer. I do not agree with the worldview of Malcolm Gladwell, but he does present some interesting statistics and anecdotal evidence about education. Small classes, he found, are overrated; they do not allow students to zone out, not be on the teacher’s radar — something everyone needs from time to time — and it deprives the student from benefiting from the questions asked by his classmates that can clarify the lesson for him as well and spares him from having to raise his hand multiple times.

Our schools already have a double program of kodesh studies in the morning and secular in the afternoon. There is one thing we can do that will benefit all students, especially in limudei kodesh, and that is to opt for covering more ground than reviewing. The background knowledge is valuable and the vocabulary and details will come with the quantity of material studied. Lessons should be stimulating for everyone; tests should be geared to the average student with extra credit for advanced students and an opt-out section for challenged students.

A Former Teacher

Use Your Time [Inbox / Issue 989]

To the student who’s bored in class: I read your letter with interest, sympathy, and most of all bewilderment. You are spending your school days coloring and doing Sudoku puzzles? No wonder you’re bored. If you are so far ahead of the class, I can suggest numerous other productive, substantive ways to spend your time in your classroom which might get you much farther ahead in life.

It’s not clear from your letter whether you are a girl or boy, but if you’re a girl, I’d suggest reading meaningful literary classics, l’havdil sifrei mussar, and the like. If you’re a boy, I’d suggest trying to cover ground in serious learning so you have a siyum to make at the end of the year. But spending hours a day coloring and doing Sudoku puzzles — and then complaining about it — definitely is not the way to go.

No one is forcing you to waste your time; you have the ability to do many other productive activities. Instead of complaining about the blessing you’ve received, try to spend your time acquiring new skills, developing existing ones, and focusing on how you can build yourself up.

A Reader

Other Things to Learn [Inbox / Issue 989]

I am writing in response to the Inbox letter “No Chance to Learn” by “A Frustrated Smart Student.” I am another high school girl, baruch Hashem also blessed with well-above average intelligence. I, too, find myself bored in class, as I know most of the material being taught; and if not, I can catch up in a few minutes. I fully sympathize with the issues you brought up, but I have my own perspective that I think is valuable to share.

School, and especially high school, is not only about class itself. High school provides opportunities for growth in areas other than academics. Friendships, relationships, and extracurricular activities are equally integral to the high school experience. There is so much to be gained outside the classroom that cannot be acquired while learning enriched material on your own. In addition, even within the lessons themselves, kodesh subjects have fascinating concepts and hashkafos to learn that cannot easily be gleaned without a teacher’s explanations and inspiration.

Something else to keep in mind is that your teachers are people, too. Showing them that what they are saying is not interesting to you is disrespectful (trust me, that took me a while to learn). In addition, if you respect your teachers despite the fact that you seemingly have nothing to gain from their lessons, you will be able to form relationships with them. You can gain from them as people, and you may also be surprised to find that you can gain from them knowledge-wise, as well.

When I find myself bored in class, I try to do something quietly that is not distracting or disturbing. When I know much more than my teacher does on the topic she is teaching, I try to remember that she worked hard to prepare this lesson, and, for that, she deserves my attention and respect. When I finish my test half an hour before my classmates, I thank Hashem that I am the one finishing early; it could have been me who was struggling over every answer — Hashem has just gifted me otherwise.

It is important to keep in mind that the struggle we are facing, being bored in class, pales significantly to the struggle of those who simply cannot master the basics. Of all nisyonos, this is such a brachah. I am not saying that school is perfect, or even always good. I am saying that there are ways to navigate every situation.

I wish you, and all the rest of us with similar “issues” much hatzlachah. And, if all else fails, I agree; Sudoku is a great way to pass the time.

A Smart Student Who Is Making It Work

Embracing the Gifted [Inbox / Issue 989]

As the mother of several gifted children, I have been following the letters of the past few weeks with great interest. A recurring theme that I’ve read throughout the letters is the inability of our yeshivahs and Bais Yaakovs to properly service these children. My experience was baruch Hashem the opposite!

A shout-out to Yeshiva Orchos Chaim of Lakewood, New Jersey. While YOC is known throughout the yeshivah world as a premier institution of the highest chinuch, it is also renowned as the school that caters to all our children. They have extensive reading, kriah and Chumash skills assessments and remediation. They apply multisensory and audiovisual techniques to teach the broad spectrum of students. They stop at nothing to ensure that every talmid has the foundational skills to succeed in learning Mishnayos and Gemara.

What is less known is that they cater to gifted children as well! My son was privileged to a one-on-one learning session on the Wonders of the World while his class was mastering the rules of long vowels. Another son was taught about weather patterns, abstract math concepts, and obscure animal kingdoms while his peers were practicing addition and subtraction. The yeshivah took the initiative to implement lessons for a select few while they very easily could have let them sit in the back of the classrooms and doodle, or worse, become a behavior concern.

While I know my children are privileged to attend such a warm and caring institution, I call upon all principals and curriculum advisors to take their lead and follow!

May HaKadosh Baruch Hu repay all the mechanchim and educators who tirelessly care for every single child.

With much hakaras hatov,

C.N.

Protect Your Investment [Money Talks / Issue 988]

Thank you, Yudi Goldfein, for the detailed advice and explanations on investing.

I’d like to add two details that we learned the hard way.

1. If you invest with a good friend or family, no matter how much you trust them, get every detail in writing, in a signed and legal document. Discussions and promises and assurances are only words that can be denied.
2. Check contracts and documents for fine print that you may not be familiar with, specifically any clause that refers to you as a minority partner, which then gives the majority partner rights that can cause you lots of loss and heartache. In our case, our friend was a majority partner and unbeknownst to us, he reserved the right to hire a different investment manager at any time, which he did.

Even if your friend had your best interest in mind at the time you invested, if he becomes too busy with other business, or takes on new things in life, you have no guarantee that the new manager is trustworthy or will have your best interest in mind, since he is not your friend.

Everything is in Hashem’s hands, but we should know what to do as our hishtadlus to do the best we can to protect ourselves.

R., Brooklyn, NY 

Important Context [Money Talks / Issue 988]

The interview with Yudi Goldfein included many nice tidbits. Toward the end, there was a double page sidebar with his take on whole life insurance. Several times he emphasized that it “very rarely” or “exceedingly rarely” belongs in a frum household. He then presented some anecdotes (either true or illustrative) to highlight his points.

Some context is appropriate. Whole life insurance is indeed not an “investment.” It is a permanent insurance policy. One of the side benefits that many people find attractive is the cash value, which grows slowly but surely. Is it a better investment than an index fund? Hardly ever. But that is not its role. It is there when you need it. When your investments drop by 30 percent or are temporarily illiquid right before your daughter’s wedding, you can tap into the cash value and allow your investments to rebound.

In his anecdote, he speaks of the couple who were oversold a policy without considering how their expenses would increase. This may be a difficult situation. I would like to emphasize that a good advisor — whether in insurance, investments, or even homebuying — can prevent a big part of this situation to begin with. Not too different from the many Americans who are “house poor” or worse.

Secondly, his solution is to simply drop the policy and lose what you put in. Again, a good advisor can often present options to give the couple some breathing room.

In his second anecdote, he describes a couple who are not in distress but can certainly do better. To be clear, if whole life insurance is the only thing they’re putting money into, they likely need a new advisor. More likely, they have money working elsewhere and they can enjoy what whole life insurance has to offer. It is not an either-or situation.

In our practice, we have many clients who only bought term insurance alongside their market investments. If the term is up and they still do not have enough assets to live comfortably, they usually look to start a new term. How many of the people in the middle class or lower have enough assets to retire before 65? If you’re 57 and healthy, it will cost more than that 30-year term you bought at age 27. If you’re dealing with some medical conditions, it can be difficult to get a new policy.

There is plenty more to discuss but this should provide some balance to the conversation.

Motty Weinstock

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 991)