EFT and inner child therapy is such a powerful tool to help people move past childhood traumas. Hopefully more people will now look into this modality and experience its benefits.

I Know That It Works [Shattered Illusions / Issue 961]

Thank you for bringing us the inspiring story “Shattered Illusions.” When I was going through a particularly hard time and felt very depressed and hopeless for quite a prolonged time, a caring family member reached out to me and offered to pay for ten sessions for me with an EFT therapist they recommended.

I went and did the motions, even though I couldn’t understand how and why it would work. But after just one session, I felt completely different and felt tremendous emotional relief. After just five sessions, I felt reborn and didn’t even need to continue to ten.

I have a friend who told me that she goes for an EFT session every few months just to clear up whatever emotional baggage has piled up in that time. One can also learn to do it oneself.

I still don’t understand how and why it works, but I know that it works! I think it is so important that you published the story because there’s real news here: Instead of people spending years and lots of money on traditional therapies with dubious results, here is a model that works quickly and effectively.

With blessings of healing for all of Am Yisrael,

B.N.

Powerful Modality [Shattered Illusions / Issue 961]

I think Mishpacha deserves accolades for publishing the Encounters story “Shattered Illusions” this week.

EFT and inner child therapy is such a powerful tool to help people move past childhood traumas. Hopefully more people will now look into this modality and experience its benefits.

I personally have experienced a lot of healing from such an approach — having tried regular CBT to move past my anxieties and not seeing much success, I was baruch Hashem fortunate to find an incredibly talented EFT therapist who guided me through the complex emotions underlying my condition.

I don’t know if this is unique to my particular therapist or is a hallmark of the technique, but something that I specifically appreciate was the way we related to those who “caused pain” to my childhood self. I was encouraged not only to provide compassion and understanding to my inner child, but equally importantly, I was encouraged, in a safe way, to have understanding and compassion toward those who inadvertently triggered these emotions.

Rather than blaming my parents for not meeting my emotional needs, we used the safety of the adult perspective to understand how the circumstances of their lives may have prevented them from understanding and meeting my needs. We didn’t finish a session until that memory was “cleansed” of its negative aspect, and I felt understanding and compassionate to the person associated with it.

There was no need for painful “confrontations” with anyone. I didn’t feel the need to verbalize the pain or endlessly rehash the injustice that had occurred in order to heal it. I actually feel deeper appreciation toward my parents, as I see now how they tried to be the best parents they could be, even though I couldn’t see it as a child.

The therapeutic journey can definitely cause emotional turmoil, especially in the beginning, as old pain resurfaces with a vengeance. Even with EFT, as you heal from one memory, it sometimes feels like you still have an endless amount to still work through and will never get there. But it seems to me that a therapeutic approach that encourages “navel gazing” and endless ruminating about the negativity of your childhood to the extent that it impairs your functioning as a spouse is unnecessary, if there are better options.

Thank you for showcasing one of them!

Name Withheld

Hope for Suffering Souls [Shattered Illusions / Issue 961]

I was thrilled to read C. Saphir’s story “Shattered Illusions” detailing how helpful EFT is.

As an EFT therapist myself, I see how it helps people to learn emotional self-regulation. This is such an essential skill that it should be taught from age three, which is what I teach in my new book, Raising Spiritual Champs — Including Yourself!

EFT provides hope for self-healing through self-acceptance and self-compassion. It teaches traumatized people to find their place of love and safety within themselves.

Thank you for a beautifully written piece and for giving hope to suffering souls.

Miriam Adahan

Feeding Victimhood? [The Alef-Beis of Chinuch / Issue 960]

Rabbi Neuberger’s article on labeling bochurim left me wondering about a hashkafic topic.

We as a society are usually implored to change our systems and our behavior to be considerate to others less fortunate, and rightly so. We all believe that it’s of utmost importance to constantly improve our bein adam l’chaveiro.

But I wonder: At what point does the “victim” of this imperfect world decide that his life is exactly the way Hashem intended? At what point does he stop waiting for others to change their ways and take the initiative to improve his own lot? At what point does he accept that the stumbling blocks placed before him are actually Divinely placed stepping stones?

I know a couple of extraordinary individuals who were mistreated by “the system” who live by the credo “They told me I couldn’t — so I did.” They live motivated lives and with the help of Hashem, and a firm belief in Hashgachah pratis, are living happy, productive lives.

There are others who’ve unfortunately fallen into the trap of victimhood and sadly are still waiting in vain for others to pull them out.

By emphasizing to our beis bochurim (and other “victims”) that they are being mistreated, are we doing them a disservice by dissuading them from taking responsibility for their own future success?

C.N.

Trusted Assistants [Man of Principle in the Halls of Power / Issue 960]

The issue featuring Rabbi Sherer was highly interesting and informative. It gave this great “mensch-Yisrael” his well-deserved remembrance and honor in the annals of contemporary Jewish history.

For the benefit of your readers, I want to correctly identify the individuals shown on the picture on page 110. These were the managers of the second convention of Agudath Israel of America, which was organized by my late father, Rav Shimon Schwab ztz”l, in Baltimore in 1941.

The individuals shown are: seated from left to right, Rav Schwab and Rabbi Solomon Igla. Standing left to right are Rabbi Sherer (then a talmid in Yeshivas Ner Israel), Rabbi Gerd Jacob Zvienitzky (Wiener), and Rabbi Ephraim (Freddy) Wolf (also a talmid in Yeshivas Ner Israel). These people actively assisted my father in the organizing and managing of that convention.

Best wishes for continuing hatzlachah in bringing truly Jewish reading to the public.

Moshe Schwab, Brooklyn, NY

Is It Really That Bad? [Inbox / Issue 959]

In the last couple of weeks, there have been letters to the editor about the housing crisis in Israel, and one letter writer wrote how “successive governments have failed to take even the smallest step to rectify this.” As someone who moved recently from the Ramat Eshkol area to Ramat Beit Shemesh Daled, I would like to challenge that.

True, there may still be a housing crisis, and they may not be building at a fast enough rate to keep up with population growth, but there are huge numbers of apartments being built for chareidim.

Three years ago, the first apartments in Daled were finished; now, there are many thousands of families living here, with new projects being finished regularly. This is just Daled; Ramah Hei is also under construction, as is a large new neighborhood in Ramat Avraham. They plan on building enough to almost triple the population in the next few years from 140,000 to 360,000 people.

In terms of transport, there is excellent public transport from most chareidi cities that I know of to both Jerusalem and Bnei Brak (from Beit Shemesh, we have regular buses all the time to almost all parts of Jerusalem). As someone who uses it regularly, I don’t think it could be termed “wholly inadequate,” and I think that the public transport in chareidi areas is no worse (if not better) than in non-chareidi areas.

C.T., Ramat Beit Shemesh Daled 

Doubly Blessed [Inbox / Issue 959]

I’ve been following the back and forth about the rental prices in Ramat Eshkol with interest.

As a former Romema resident (equally pricey for equally tiny spaces), I can totally identify with the struggle. And I don’t think chicken wings in the cholent or no fleishigs on weekdays is the answer for most people who were brought up in chutz l’Aretz.

I just want to point out two facts:

1) Jerusalem is bigger than Ramat Eshkol/Romema.

2) Eretz Hakodesh is bigger than Jerusalem.

If you’re set on living in Jerusalem, I totally understand you: It is a beautiful city. It is also the capital city, which means housing is going to cost more. But there are other neighborhoods.

Just like your Lakewood friends who want more options and cheaper housing move out to Toms River, Jackson, etc., you could move to Givat Shaul, Ramot, Kiryat Moshe, or, as I believe has been mentioned in these pages, Rechavia or Ramat Shlomo. I know for a fact that there are significant Anglo populations in all of these neighborhoods.

If you want to live in Eretz Yisrael longer than a couple of years and you value living space more than being near the Jerusalem amenities, you might want to consider moving out of Jerusalem, to areas such as RBS, Givat Zeev, Beitar, Afula, or Kiryat Sefer.

Living in spacious RBS, in my large, new garden apartment, I sometimes think back to my “move the high-chair to reach the sink, then move the washing line so I can open my bedroom door” days in Romema. And I feel so blessed to have lived in Jerusalem, and so blessed to still be living in Eretz Hakodesh with the menuchas hanefesh that only space can give you.

Sorry to be blunt, but living in a tiny apartment, working round the clock, and serving your husband cereal for supper doesn’t sound like a pleasant life to me. But if you insist on doing that because the only places you can bear to live are Ramat Eshkol or Romema, I can’t say I feel bad for you.

C.P.

Watching It Come to Life [Twists, Turns, and Truth / Issue 955]

Thank you for publishing the article “Twists, Turns, and Truth” on the Sklare family history. As a member of one of Rav Yonah Sklare’s morning kollels, I especially appreciated learning about his rich family history. The shalsheles hadoros gives a greater appreciation and context to Rav Yonah as a dynamic talmid chacham and dedicated rosh kollel.

I can personally say that Rav Yonah follows in the footsteps of his grandfather, with his warm and selfless devotion to the morning kollel. His daily passionate search for truth and being completely present when speaking with us, despite his jam-packed schedule, is in full congruence with his family’s love for Klal Yisrael.

One final addition to the article: One of the members of our morning kollel is Reb Daniel Sklare — Rav Yonah’s father. It’s fitting that we recently finished learning the sugyos and halachos of honoring one’s parents. In the context of Torah and mesorah, we have the opportunity to witness the special learning that goes on, and the kavod displayed by father and son, each to the other, on a daily basis.

Elan Sloan, Baltimore, MD

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 963)