"Let’s be big people and not forget to put Hashem into our decision-making. Be as machmir as you want, but from a place of purity and kirvas Hashem, not from escape and fear"

My Sympathies are with the Senator [Text Messages / Issue 905]

I glanced through this week’s issue of Mishpacha planning to read it on Shabbos as usual. However, when I saw that Eytan Kobre had a photo of the venerable, righteous Senator from South Carolina, the tremendous friend to the Jewish people, Lindsey Graham, I had to read the article knowing that I would most likely disagree with Mr. Kobre’s points — and I do.

Lindsey Graham is among the best friends the Jewish people have ever had. One can compare him to the late Daniel Moynihan, the senator from New York who had defended the Jewish people before the bigoted anti-Semitic forces in the United Nations when they promoted the fake premise that Zionism is racism. This later became a pneumonic device to cover up inherent anti-Semitism.

I think that Mr. Kobre, possessing some beliefs that are more of a liberal bent than most of us, was not focusing on the right aspects of the hearings. The candidate for the court, Ketanji Brown Jackson, in her arguments in court and decisions, has not been a strict constitutionalist, a requirement in the Constitution itself for one to be added as a judge. She is not able to define who or what a woman is. She has leaned toward decisions that will allow criminals who are sick and perverted to receive minimal sentences.

I think we need to be sympathetic to Senator Graham. I can understand how angry and frustrated he must be. The Democrats have taken their pandering to the radical so-called “progressives” beyond what is decent and moral.

Mr. Graham has devoted his entire life to service to his nation. He knows that Ms. Brown is going to use her role as a Supreme Court Justice to further the causes that are antithetical to Jews and Christians who believe in the preservation of family and other conservative values.

In addition, Mr. Kobre has not mentioned how the Democrats as controllers of the Senate have done everything in their power to limit debate and discussion. Mr. Graham knew he was not going to be given adequate time. Ms. Jackson, according to Mr. Kobre, sat there quietly and patiently. Why wouldn’t she? The longer she took to cogitate and pause before answering the questions from the Republicans, the shorter the amount of time they would have to question her.

Let us not forget the danger to our American way of life! To our frum fabric of life! Let us not be so quick to excoriate or berate those in public life who are, to put it simply, on our side.

Clarisse Schlesinger, Los Angeles, CA

Parents, Stay Out [Inbox / Issue 905]

In reference to the points made by M.F. in an Inbox letter on the Double Take column, I would like to expand further on one point that she raised: triangulation. It’s so painfully true that the tattling to parents that often ensues after disagreement between siblings is a “super-unhealthy habit that destroys families exponentially more than they would have been otherwise” and that it’s “not only immature but cruel.”

However, the blame is not only with the child that does the tale-telling.

Every parent will say that shalom among their children is one of the most important things to them. Well, then practice what you preach! Don’t take sides. Don’t get involved. Siblings can have disagreements. Ideally, they should try to solve it between themselves, but if a child comes running to a parent with their side of a story, it’s a parent’s duty to stay unbiased.

Sure you want to hear a child out or sympathize if needed. But you cannot take a side if you weren’t personally there, involved, and know the entire story from start to finish. If you do, you are setting a bad example. Teaching them all the wrong values (being mekabel lashon hara, not being dan lekaf zechus, harboring resentments etc...) you will be teaching your children to be judgmental.

Sadly, in such families parents don’t realize that they are a large part of the problem of machlokes between siblings, besides for the unfair and hurtful alienation they now have created between themselves and their child.

R.K.

Systems Have Reasons [Inbox / Issue 905]

I too, related to all the letters from Anglos living in Israel who are concerned about the system that says that the girls’ parents must pay for the young couple’s apartment.

I was bothered, however, by the underlying attitude. Systems are here for a reason. The system is in place to ensure that our boys can stay in learning without worrying about rent.

You say that we shouldn’t rely on a neis. Well, the gedolim have said otherwise.

There are countless stories of people who came to gedolim and said they can’t afford to commit to buying an apartment for their daughters, and the answer was always the same: Do it anyway, it’ll work out.

This system was put into place by the major gedolim of our generation. Let’s not fool ourselves that we know better than them.

S. from RBS, Israel

Reliving the Warmth [A Sefer Torah on Loan / Special Tribute Edition]

I love reading every part of the Mishpacha, but after reading the special tribute edition on Hagaon Rav Kanievsky ztz”l, I literally have no words. I cried, I smiled, I laughed, I felt warmth, I even felt embraced. Again — there are just no words.

For many years the Agudath Israel Yarchei Kallah opened up with a brachah from Rav Kanievsky, and we members of the women’s group also went for a brachah from Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky a”h. I vividly remember how the women’s group — at that time, about 50 women — squeezed in to listen to her words.

During one of those visits, I personally had a daughter who was soon due to give birth, and she had wanted some esrog jam from the Rebbetzin (known to be a segulah for an easy labor). I asked for it and was told “later.” As we left, I had realized that the Rebbetzin was probably tired, so I didn’t say anything. But as I was guiding everyone out, I literally felt someone tug at my skirt, and lo and behold, the Rebbetzin herself called me back to come with her to her freezer, and she scraped some esrog jam, packed it in a plastic bag, double-wrapped it, and gave it to me. She was the one who remembered.

Every story — all the words that were written to describe literally miraculous “happenings” were beautifully written and captured my heart. Thank you! Thank you! For the beautiful, heartwarming, uplifting, and touching articles and beautiful pictures — I literally saw the twinkle in his eyes and felt “a part” of his majestic presence.

Yes, we are indeed an orphaned nation. And now I really feel it, so personally and deeply.

Debby Jacobs 

Rare Relationship [A Sefer Torah on Loan / Special Tribute Edition]

Your supplement honoring the Sar HaTorah, Rav Chaim ztz”l, was exemplary. In his appreciation of Rav Chaim, Sruli Besser discussed a relationship Rav Chaim had with a “respected American Jew.” This was our father, Reb Yoel (Julius) Klugmann z”l.

As the writer said, his relationship with Rav Chaim was truly unique. Our father had a great appreciation for gematrios quoted by Rishonim. A genuine gematria exhibits that Torah is min haShamayim.

Upon discovering that the Chida in Shem Hagedolim says the Rokei’ach, a Baal Tosofos, had a major role in the mesorah of gematrios and wrote a peirush on Chumash, he sent our brother Gavriel, age 17 and learning in Gateshead, to the libraries of Oxford and Cambridge to find the manuscript.

With the encouragement of Rav Moshe Feinstein ztz”l, our father took the manuscript to Eretz Yisrael to seek out help in deciphering this complicated work, which quotes thousands of maamarei Chazal. The Steipler Gaon took a great interest in the sefer and suggested that his son Rav Chaim be the one to prepare it. Rav Chaim was uniquely suited for this, knowing the sources from kol haTorah kulah!

He and Rabbi Benzion Leitner went to Rav Chaim, who did not show interest in the project. When our father said he wants to pay for the work, Rav Chaim then mentioned he had a daughter who was a kallah (Rebbitzen Kolodetsky) and he would do the work in exchange for the wedding costs. Our father immediately agreed, and a lifelong relationship and yedidus began. Rebbitzen Kolodetsky commented to our sister Nomi (Grunhut) that her grandfather the Steipler told her, “Are you aware of the efforts your father put into your marriage?” referring to the work on the Rokei’ach.

Later, Rav Chaim would prepare the ksav yad of the Rokei’ach on the Chameish Megillos. The haftaros were also done but not from a manuscript. Rav Meyer Stefansky ztz”l, a cousin in Bnei Brak, related that when our father wanted to phone Rav Chaim about the project, Rav Chaim accompanied him home to use his phone. Rav Meyer said it was obvious from Rav Chaim’s difficulty in using a phone that this was the first time he used a telephone!

A beautiful relationship remained for Mr. Klugmann. Whenever he came, Rav Chaim would sit with him, often for 15 minutes, and share divrei Torah — not his usual fast-paced visits.

This typifies our father z”l: Not only did he foster relationships with many gedolim such as Rav Aharon Kotler, Rav Moshe Feinstein, Rav Elazar Schach, but he would cleave to talmidei chachamim even when they were young and develop lifetime relationships.

The children of R’ Yoel (Julius) Klugmann z”l

New Progress, New Hope [Rare Ray of Hope / Issue 904]

As parents of a baby who was born with hydrocephalus, it was beautiful to read about the incredible, accomplished life of Yehuda Gelman and what he does for others.

I would like to point out that for certain cases of hydrocephalus (non-communicating only) there has been relatively new progress in treatment. A new procedure called an ETV or ETV / CPC is a surgery that opens another pathway for the flow of cerebrospinal fluid without placing a shunt (CPC adds that it slows the production as well).

Most hydrocephalus follow-up surgeries are from shunt complications, and this procedure — if successful — eliminates that. It is usually done only on babies older than three months, and not every baby is a candidate.

Baruch Hashem, our child had an ETV / CPC done successfully. We are grateful to have been treated at Boston Children’s Hospital where in our experience, they excel in this surgery with a much higher success rate than elsewhere. It’s not a guaranteed outcome, but if it works, it’s a big step away from shunt dependency.

Name Withheld

A Tichel for the Kichel [The Kichels / Issue 904]

Just to quibble on the Kichels printed in the March 22 edition. Why on earth is Chaykie wearing her sheitel while she scrubs her mixer? As someone who diligently uses my toothbrush on my mixer (Where do the Kichel’s hide their “spy cam” that allows them to so accurately depict the daily lives of so many of us?) I know that before getting down to the nitty-gritty, it’s important to get comfortable.

I am sure that if Chaykie (or the Rebbetzin for that matter!) had changed into a pretty scarf, turban, snood, or any other tichel before attacking her Pesach cleaning, she would be relaxed enough to fulfill all of the minhagim/ meshugassim of her mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother without all of the angst and relationship issues.

Chag kosher v’samei’ach!

A Diehard Kichel Fan

Spare the Judgment [Principle of the Matter / Double Take — Issue 904]

I’m sure many people will have differences of opinion regarding who’s right in the Double Take regarding the old zeidy and the son who doesn’t want to Zoom.

I’d like to focus on another aspect: that of judging another person when you don’t understand their side at all.

If you allow screens freely, you don’t have the right to judge another for not screen-timing with their grandfather. If you have the same policies, then maybe you could have more of a say.

Other examples to further clarify what I mean: judging another parent for being restrictive of their children’s candy intake when you are not concerned about healthful eating, or judging those that want the clothing shopping convenience of in-town when you have no preference for how you and your kids dress. Or judging someone moving somewhere for the warm weather when you barely feel climate changes. How about an extrovert being judgmental about people who don’t want to host guests, or an introvert judging those making big simchahs.

I could go on, but I trust my point is understood. Keep judgment for your own actions, and even then, do it with care and compassion.

C.I.

Zoom is Not a Visit [Principle of the Matter / Double Take — Issue 904]

I’d like to add to the conversation about the Double Take’s “Principle of the Matter.”

This will not be this couple’s last brush with technology, so it’s best if they stick to their principles now, instead of starting to erode them and continuing down that slippery slope. Especially since “seeing” someone on Zoom is of dubious value.

Zoom is not a visit. It has nothing to do with actually being together with the person you are talking to. My experience is that a phone call is a much more meaningful way of distance connecting.

Zoom promises much more than it gives, and if this couple is keeping in touch with their zeidy in old-fashioned ways like phone calls and sending actual, printed photos, they are not withholding any meaningful interaction with the zeidy, short of traveling to visit him in person.

Chava Berkowitz

It Doesn’t Come Close [Principle of the Matter / Double Take — Issue 904]

I normally don’t write letters to the editor, but in this case I felt the need to speak.

I don’t understand the opposition to doing a Zoom call, or recording a video and sending it by email, so that a great grandchild can say hello to a dying elter zeidy far away.

First of all, I’m troubled why this person, who is sitting and learning, doesn’t even consider discussing the issue with a rav. People often make the mistake of making decisions on their own, especially those who feel that they know all the halachos and don’t need to consult with a wiser person who could resolve this issue. There are many stories of gedolim who went against their personal shitahs (obviously they did not violate halachah) in order to show respect for others.

As an aging person, I don’t know if I would be able to accept or understand the decision not to see my family on screen due to someone’s personal chumras. Shmiyah (hearing a voice over the phone) does not come close to reiyah (seeing their actual face).

Rifka Daum, Brooklyn, NY

Double Take or Single Take? [Principle of the Matter / Double Take — Issue 904]

I was very disturbed by your presentation of Shaya’s plight in the “Double Take” story. As an occasional reader of your frum magazine, I was pretty disappointed with the dismal job you did in bringing a most basic (Israeli ben Torah) Jewish truth into American awareness.

Shaya’s futile defense for his abstaining from technology sounds like a pathetic excuse for an apology and reminds me of the sad definition people give to the word “Frum”: Those to right of you are “M”odern, those to the left are “F”anatic “R”eligious and in the middle is “U” — you. If it’s not your standard it’s either modern or fanatic, but either way it’s wrong and unacceptable.

Just imagine if Shaya’s dilemma were attending a family simchah while abstaining from food under a non-mehadrin hechsher, or with a mehadrin hechsher but serving gebrochts or kitniyos on Pesach. Would you, as a frum publication, present Shaya’s side with the excuse that, “We’d give in now, and then we’d be pushed to give in again and again”?

I was very impressed with your beautiful supplement about Rav Chaim Kanievsky ztz”l, but are you(r readers) aware that according to Rav Chaim someone who uses a smartphone is passul le’eidus and that its use is yaharog v’al yaavor?

Why can’t you present Shaya’s side as “this is what we do, like it or not’’ without the need to be apologetic about it? Are American chareidim really no more accepting than Yoaz Hendel? And what right does Esti have anyway to expose Yossi to anything against his parents’ wishes?

It’s not that I am insensitive to the grandfather’s wishes, but Shaya is willing to go out of his way to please his grandfather. He’s set up a chavrusashaft (even before Mindel came up with her idea), he’s sent pictures and letters, he’s making sure to coax Yossi into babbling on the phone, and is even agreeable to travel to America for a visit, notwithstanding the negative experience at his last visit. And honestly, why is a Zoom meeting any more “real seeing” than a picture? Isn’t a video just a series of pictures?

If I could tell Tatty one thing, it would be: Abstaining from the Internet is not a stringency, it’s plain halachah according to every single posek in Israel. There are leniencies for parnassah, but not for a ben Torah.

Mayer Bar (A Bnei Brak balabos with a kosher Internet connection)

A Small Person’s Decision [Principle of the Matter / Double Take — Issue 904]

Thank you for all your quality articles week after week, they are really amazing!

I commend Shaya for not going with the flow of the rest of his family. It does take a lot of strength of character and akshanus d’kedushah to go against the tide of one’s upbringing. Some of us unfortunately do many things in life just because that’s how we were brought up and feel comfortable with, and we don’t ever move above and beyond that. Kol hakavod to Shaya.

At the same time, Shaya didn’t grow up in the heart of Meah Shearim or the like where he doesn’t even know what a computer is; he is an American-born Yid. Hashem gave him his background and specific family for a reason, and that must be a part of his decision-making when certain sh’eilos and issues come up.

In his discussion of zehirus, the Mesilas Yesharim writes that one must contemplate even the good deeds he is doing and examine whether they contain any negative elements. We have to make decisions in life by considering what the Borei Olam wants from me given the circumstances He put me in, and not get so stuck in the chumras that we take upon ourselves and how we want to portray ourselves and fit in socially.

But even more importantly, we must not let these forces blind us to ourselves and what’s really the right thing for us to do on an individual level, and to what will really give us true sipuk from knowing we are doing the right thing.

We can’t judge Shaya because we’re not in his place, but putting the given facts on the table, he seems to be making a very wrong and unfortunate decision. We aren’t asking him to bend his ideals and his different way of life that he rightfully chose and that he’s entitled to, but for goodness sake his grandfather is dying and Shaya is going to go down as a coward for not being a hero as someone who on one hand can hold on and have such beautiful strong sensitivities in inyanei kedushah, yet still have the koach — yes, it takes strength — to make a decision that he’s not so comfortable with and that might be different from what he expected.

Yes, he should inform his family about very specific gedarim regulating precisely in which manner and how often he will Zoom, but to stubbornly refuse outright to allow his dying grandfather to see his precious grandchildren seems outrageous and an abuse to one’s spiritual undertakings.

I think in the long run, his kids will even gain from this because they have seen a father who is so sensitive to inyanei kedushah, yet at the same time has the wisdom to see all the variables before him when making tough decisions. They’ll appreciate that and not feel like someone is choking them with so much intensity and that everything is no-no-no and avodah zarah.

A true adam gadol is able to make decisions while seeing and weighing all the variables. Small people only see what’s right in front of their nose. When making decisions, they get caught up in the small things and can’t elevate themselves out of that narrow-minded view. They can’t look past five minutes of Zoom on someone else’s computer in someone else’s house for ten minutes to bring some life and simchah to a dying grandfather.

I would add that Shaya’s chumras were not coming from the most pure and healthy place — we see this from the fact that he didn’t have the wherewithal to simply ask daas Torah what to do in such a predicament. It seems that his stringencies were coming more from a place of escape and “feel good to be different” than from an emesdig place of considering ratzon Hashem in his particular circumstances.

Let’s be big people and not forget to put Hashem into our decision-making. Be as machmir as you want, but from a place of purity and kirvas Hashem, not from escape and fear.

Akiva L.

Worth Reading [The Chida’s Riddle / Issue 904]

I was interested to see the story about the Chida’s riddle in Mishpacha, as my granddaughter, now a young woman, wrote a book report on this topic in third grade some 20 years ago. By coincidence, she happened to be visiting when I read the piece — but, of course there really are no coincidences. So, I asked her what she remembers of the story and her favorite part is when the Chida had his encounter with pirates.

The book report was on the English translation of the original travel diaries by Dr. Benjamin Cymerman, The Diaries of Rabbi Ha’im Yosef David Azulai. The work has something for everybody: expert, novice, and even children.

Obscure language and references from Ma’agal Tov are clarified by footnotes and, as the translator notes: “a number of errors have had to be corrected” in the original 1934 edition. The work is scholarly but easy to follow and read. Those interested in the Chida or the Jewish communities that he visited will find it worth the effort to find a copy of this book.

Morris Engelson

Stranded in the Middle [Inbox / Issue 903]

When I read the original Double Take story about the mother shut out of an exclusive presale shopping event, what it evoked for me wasn’t upset with the business owner for her hidden presale for exclusive customers, but rather the feelings of frustration of being what seems like the only mother shopping the sales for her children. And let me explain why.

That woman is me — except I am not a kollel mother, but rather a mother from a dual-income family. In my community, it seems that it isn’t the kollel demographic that has to go to extremes to make beautiful bekavodig wardrobes from the sales racks (no matching siblings in our family), rather the working “middle class” families like ours.

The basic needs of frum living, including kosher food, Yamim Tovim, and day school tuition alone are enough to deplete a two-income family of most of their income, but somehow everyone who is toward either end of the financial spectrum seems to be able to not just get by, but get by with what most people would consider extras — home ownership, the high-end clothing and shoes and sheitels that grace the heimish stores, and so much more.

This story brought to the forefront a serious issue plaguing our community — the current standard of living in the yeshivish world — and gave me the chance to reach out to Mishpacha to ask this question: What are middle class families like ours doing wrong that we just don’t seem to be able to make it?

Ultimately it was the response in the Inbox “They Didn’t Choose This” to the Double Take that really spurred me to write this letter — the attitude that somehow people have a right to live a certain standard of lifestyle despite what their financial reality is.

This isn’t about what our children deserve or don’t deserve to wear, it’s about living within our means, and this is a message that many strata of our community (other than the very financially comfortable) seem to be missing, regardless of whether they are in kollel, chinuch, or simply working day in and day out to afford a frum lifestyle.

The wealthy have the money to spend, and that is their right. When it comes to those lucky individuals such as the letter-writer who with open eyes chose a life steeped in Torah, I find it hard to justify the unhealthy standard of living that is being subsidized by the community in one way or another, in order to upkeep an impossible standard of living that no one other than the wealthy can truly afford, and which ultimately leaves those of us who have been given neither wealth nor the blessing of living a klei kodesh life, out of the running. How can I explain this conundrum to my children?

I would say to that letter writer: Do you know how hard it is to send the right message to our own children when they see the standard enjoyed by most of their friends whose families are in kollel or chinuch and who “made the decision to forgo gashmiyus,” while my husband and I work from morning to evening to finance a lesser lifestyle than yours simply because you feel that it is “unhealthy for them to get a message that they should be deprived”?

How can someone be deprived of something that isn’t rightfully theirs in the first place?

No one deserves the latest fashion or high-end strollers or vacations — these are extras and should be seen as such by the majority of us who aren’t able to afford them, and there should not be the expectation that this is normal.

You and your husband made a beautiful choice that you should be proud of, and hopefully your children will also absorb that they are “fortunate” and have an “investment that will yield greater returns down the line.”

No one — not parents and not the community — should be forced to pay for luxuries. When they do, we promote a vicious cycle that in order to uphold these standards, the standards have to be upheld, and ultimately, families like ours simply cannot keep up.

A Confused Mother

How is That Sustainable? [Job Search / Issue 903]

I am writing in response to your Job Search —the nutritionist edition.

One of the dieticians interviewed (Mindy Rosenthal) said she had a patient in his late forties who was “doing well losing weight, until he got a coupon in the mail for a free coffee and Dunkin’ Donuts. So he went to use his free coupon and of course bought doughnuts with his free coffee. And things spiraled downward from there.”

Mindy’s response was, “Did you really need to save $2 on the coffee and open yourself up to temptation?”

My question: If the whole focus is placed on “not opening yourself up to temptation,” how is that sustainable? Does Ms. Rosenthal expect her clients to avoid bakeries, taking their kids for pizza, family parties, weddings etc.? What about Shabbos and Yom Tov? Is the goal to try navigating the world as if it were an obstacle course in which food is the enemy?

I’m not a nutrition expert but from my experience, being afraid of food seems to be the cause of many weight and health problems. Hashem created us with an innate sense of survival. Newborns naturally stop feeding when they’re no longer hungry. It’s when we start introducing the concept of “I shouldn’t eat this” that we start losing our hunger and fullness cues, and start the never-ending weight “battle.”

N.L.P, Toronto

Mindy Rosenthal responds:

Thank you for the opportunity to elaborate on my counseling strategy.

You are 100 percent correct that we must manage in the “real world.” I tell my patients from the start that we will be working with human nature rather than against human nature. From the moment Adam and Chava were given so much, yet wanted what was forbidden to them, human nature has remained the same.

That being the case, the best way to devalue anything is to be allowed to have it! I always tell my patients that as long as a food will not harm you or worse (for example a food allergy), you can eat whatever you want. However, you cannot eat as much as you want.

I tell them that they are on a “budget,” not a “diet.” The nuance in these words make a huge difference in how people accept the food limitations. Diet sounds like deprivation — and we resent and resist what authority forces us to do or to not do. But “budget” gives us a sense of responsibility for making priorities and choices. We can eat what is our favorite food and leave what is not so important to us. This is the same as budgeting money or time.

And the key to budgeting both money and food is planning.

My patient John had been seeing me for a few months and we had a good rapport where we could joke with each other. What I had really said to him was, “John, you’re a dentist. Did the $2 you saved on the free coffee change your lifestyle?”

John did not succumb to temptation of the donut. He succumbed to the lure of saving money and then sabotaged himself by being in a situation he had not planned for.

If he had decided beforehand that he would buy one donut, it would not have made a difference to his weight loss progress. But by being overwhelmed, he was out of control and ended up buying what he did not need (which is, of course, exactly why Dunkin’ Donuts sends the free coupon).

The takeaway: When the focus is on the money and not the food, do not fall for it. This is the same as getting many emails from stores touting sales and tempting us with items we really do not need.

On the other hand, if someone has an occasional craving for a not-so-healthy-food, eat it! Otherwise we obsess until we binge.

I could go on about this topic. If any reader has questions or desires more specifics, my email is available through Mishpacha.

Step up for Kashrus  [Step Up to the Plate / Issue 897]

I am an avid reader of Mishpacha magazine and believe it or not, my favorite section is the Inbox letters. Reading about the latest “hock” — or how klal Yisrael takes serious steps to solve issues related to chinuch, seminary, shidduchim, parnassah, and just about every issue under the sun — is exciting and inspiring.

A few weeks ago, there was an article about kashrus challenges in our communities. The article detailed some challenges of party planners, small-home businesses, and baalei simchah trying to ensure that food served to guests (specifically sweet tables) are certified kosher k’halachah.

I waited for the writers to storm the Mishpacha office with letters shouting about how terrible this issue is, with disbelief of the stories, or possible solutions to this sensitive kashrus dilemma.

But nothing. Silence.

It seems as if no one cares. Life continues. I have been to several simchahs and looked closely at the options of food being served, asked about a hashgachah, but unfortunately the problem seems to be everywhere.

We would never eat at an uncertified restaurant or buy pastries from a bakery without a hechsher. Why would we eat from a small home business without a hechsher? Why are we silent that the kashrus of our simchahs is compromised? We have heard so many stories of our grandparents who hired their own shochet and risked their parnassah for Shabbos and kashrus. We are so fortunate to have kashrus establishments with exceptionally high standards. Let’s utilize our very system that we trust on a daily basis.

Here’s what I plan to do: I plan to order only from a place with a hashgachah and only eat from friends’ / families’ kiddushim, with a hashgachah. Kashrus is too important!

I don’t claim to have the solution, but it needs to start with us, lay people. We need to show we care and take a stand for kashrus!

Faigy E., Lakewood, NJ

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 906)