"To be the rebbi of a generation requires more than genius, depth, and clarity. It requires equal parts of ahavas Yisrael and ahavas haTorah"

Simple Solutions [Step Up to the Plate / Issue 897]

The piece on Rabbi Sholem Fishbane and the kashrus industry was very important and informative. However, I would like to point out a couple of simple solutions to some of the pitfalls the article alerts us to.

Regarding parlor meetings and other institutional venues, we can take a lesson from the unforgettable askan Shlomie Gross a”h (whose tenth yahrtzeit is on 22 Adar) and his distinguished eishes chayil, tichyeh. As related in ArtScroll’s biography on Shlomie:

To the Grosses, “low-key” was the approach in any public venue. When Shlomie made a parlor meeting, his wife served salads, chocolates, cakes, and candies. Even if the organization wanted a lavish affair, Shlomie and his wife would not allow an elaborate menu of hot dishes to be served. It was simply not their style.

Shlomie was upset when a mossad he supported delivered a very expensive bottle of wine to his door on Purim. He felt that offering extravagant gashmiyus was not the way to raise money for ruchniyus.

The article speaks of a wedding at which an array of “mouth-watering desserts” were served, one of which was found to be treif. Here, too, there is a simple solution. During the early days of Covid, when so many were dying Rachmana litzlan and we were all on lockdown, rabbanim called on everyone to scale down their simchahs. I’m sure they didn’t mean only to invite fewer people. They also meant to keep the simchahs simple. If everyone will do that, there won’t be any need to import exotic foods whose kashrus is questionable.

Finally, the article speaks of a “foodie culture” and that there is much to “celebrate” in the kashrus world today, things like kosher cheeseburgers, and facon-and-eggs. Webster’s dictionary describes a “foodie” as “a person having an avid interest in the latest food fads.” It seems to me that this contradicts the command that we be a nation of kedoshim (Vayikra 19:2). According to Ramban, this means that we are to limit ourselves even in that which is officially “kosher” according to halachah. The Torah is not speaking only to tzaddikim; it’s speaking to every one of us.

Name Withheld

The Metrics of Success [Inbox / Issue 897]

The dialogue about improving public opinion of our community has been bothering me for a while and I finally figured out why. Both sides of the argument are missing a fundamental point.

It’s 2022 and the secular, predominantly liberal culture has been dismissing every previously accepted objective standard as inherently biased and invalid. The SAT along with standardized tests filled in by generations of number 2 pencils, once the gold standard of academic success, are on their way out — considered racist and relics of white privilege.

If every other cultural, social, and ethnic group is pushing back at the way success is measured, why are we embracing it? Why try to project success by squeezing into an outdated model? We too deserve to measure success by our own metrics.

As Jews, we are gifted with a divine “yardstick.” Avodah: following halachah and tefillah; chesed; learning, teaching Torah, and passing the mesorah to our children is our measure of success. Rabbanim, rebbeim, morahs, community volunteers, and yes, our bubbies are our celebrities.

Shifting the narrative must include insisting on a change of metrics, quantifying our members by the entirely different standard by which we live. Only then are we telling our story.

Rebecca Soffer, PhD,

Far Rockaway, NY

Inside and Outside [Turf War / Double Take – Issue 897]

The school in the Double Take story did well in hiring a social worker for the students. However, if they cannot give her a private office or allow her to work undisturbed, I would suggest that they utilize her skills to run therapy groups inside the classroom, where she can teach social skills to all students and even make it a part of the school’s curriculum.

Any young child in this day and age can benefit from therapy. If a student’s situation is severe enough and requires more intense help, there are plenty of outside agencies where parents can take their child and can provide an ideal environment for therapy to take place.

B.K.

The Same Genius [A Living Torah / Issue 896]

It was about 60 years ago that as a pupil at Hasmonean Grammar School in London, someone gave me an article to read. It was published in a magazine of Orthodox Jewish scientists in the US and was titled “Immortality and the Soul,” by Leo Kaplan. I was about 16 years old and read the article with the inquisitive nature of a frum teenager, and was taken aback by the description and definition of some of the most profound concepts, such as the body, the soul, death, and netzach. It was presented step-by-step in 21st-century terms that I understood. It was a startling eye-opener.

Fast-forward some 30 years, to Tishah B’Av 1990 at around midday, when my 16-year-old son Hillel a”h was killed in a road accident more or less outside our flat in Petach Tikvah. My wife, Zippy, stood next to me as we watched Hillel in the ambulance. She started asking: “What is happening with him now? Does he have any pain? Does he know what has happened?”

In probably the most terrible moment in my life, I had to give her answers, and I remembered that article I had read all those years ago. I was able to explain about Hillel’s neshamah, his body, and more details that I had brought back to memory at that moment.

“Immortality and the Soul” was one of the major tools that we used to help us to learn to live with just about the worst tragedy anyone can go through. Knowing that the real Hillel was his neshamah, encompassing all his character, personality, likes, and hates, the total sum of all his life’s experiences and all that the article describes, helped us to understand that death is the end of a body, while the real person lives on forever in his neshamah. (I know I am doing an injustice to Leo Kaplan’s brilliant work by these brief extracts.)

Some two years later, we brought out a book that included that article by Leo Kaplan. I had to go to the Bar-Ilan library to find that magazine. I knew of no other source. We bought the book primarily to find a description of what we went through, but more significantly to find guidance how to survive. Nothing will ever be the same again…. but no one will see that on Zippy or myself.

Over the years my brother-in-law Jonny Greenwood had strongly recommended Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan Readers on various subjects, and several years later, on one of my trips to Gitler’s in Bnei Brak, in the English section at the back, I was astounded to discover that Leo Kaplan and Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan were one and the same person. One and the same genius who was able to express in our earthly terms the most ethereal and heavenly concepts, on subjects that are in fact part of our daily lives.

What a tragedy for the Jewish world to have lost Rabbi Kaplan at such a young age. I think of Rav Meir Shapiro and Rav Shimshon Pincus as two other giants for whom Hashem had other plans at such young ages.

Aron Bakst, Petach Tikvah

Fueled by Love [A Living Torah / Issue 896]

Kudos to Rabbi Eytan Kobre for his fitting tribute to, and appreciation of, Rav Aryeh Kaplan ztz”l. B’ezras Hashem, his article will jump-start the discovery by a new generation of the depth and clarity of Rav Kaplan’s many works, even more important today than when first penned.

No single article could capture all the greatness of our unique teacher. Allow me to add one element that should be included.

Rav Kaplan’s interest in the world of Kabbalah was not the product of a thirst for Torah alone. Many times I heard from him a plaintive cry: How could it be that thousands of our youth became spiritual seekers in Indian ashrams, arguing that the Judaism they had been exposed to had no spiritual content? How do we get them connected to the treasure trove of authentic spiritual literature in Kabbalah and its offshoots, waiting in their front yard? He took it upon himself to create works that could reach them.

His anguish came in two parts, seemingly of equal importance to him. He felt deeply for all the lost Jewish souls that could be brought back. And he also loved Torah so much that it hurt him to witness the power of its voice kept muffled.

Perhaps this is one of the crucial take-aways from his remarkable achievement. To be the rebbi of a generation requires more than genius, depth, and clarity. It requires equal parts of ahavas Yisrael and ahavas haTorah.

Rabbi Yitzchok Adlerstein,

Yerushalayim

His Secret Power [A Living Torah / Issue 896]

Thank you, Eytan Kobre, for a beautiful and informative piece on Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan. My grandfather Rabbi Pinchas Stolper always considered Rabbi Kaplan one of his greatest contributions to Klal Yisrael. In fact, one of my grandfather’s passions was to scout out talent and utilize it in the grandest fashion. And precisely with that passion is how he managed to create NCSY, a national kiruv organization that spans America, Canada, and Israel, during the 1960s when most of America had given up on the youth.

He did it by tapping into the dormant neshamah of a kid from Oswego or Savannah. He would harness the pure energy of thousands of kids from around the globe and open their eyes to the beauty of Yiddishkeit.

No NCSYer can forget the ruach that they felt at an NCSY national convention, or Rabbi Stolper’s Havdalah at the end of Shabbos. He would empower the kids, to look deep inside themselves and discover their own talents and how they could contribute to Yiddishkeit.

Nothing was too hard, nothing was unattainable when you were in NCSY. Rabbi Stolper always wanted the kids to feel that they were running the show, that the adults on the NCSY staff were just there to supervise, and the kids were really making the decisions. That was my grandfather’s secret. Empower the kids, guide them to realize the power that they had within themselves. And utilize that power to serve Hashem and bring others back to Yiddishkeit.

My grandfather continued his close connection with the Kaplan family well after Rabbi Aryeh was niftar, never forgetting the crucial role that Rabbi Kaplan played in the NCSY kiruv literature. May the thousands of people that have read and became inspired by Rabbi Kaplan’s books serve as a zechus for his neshamah.

One minor correction regarding the Rabbi Kaplan’s meeting with my grandfather. In the article it states he wasn’t able to show up until two weeks later; however, in reality, after my grandfather called him at 11 o’clock at night he showed up the next day at Rabbi Stolper’s Manhattan office. They spoke of the need of quality literature about the mitzvah of tefillin and Rabbi Kaplan returned three weeks later with a complete manuscript on the whole topic.

Please have in mind Rabbi Stolper in your tefillos, as he has been unwell for some time now. His name is Pinchas Aryeh ben Nesha Nechama.

A proud grandson,

Dovid Stolper

What About Us? [Yiddishe Gelt / Issue 896]

Thank you for a consistently high quality publication. I appreciate the broad range of topics that you address on a regular basis.

Ever since the fiscal responsibility articles made their debut, I was waiting for the topic of cleaning help to arise. Any ongoing weekly expense deserves scrutiny, and cleaning help is a very subjective need. I completely understand those who consider cleaning help to be a necessity, and I would strongly advise them to continue getting that help if they feel that they need it. I do, however, need to take issue with the way that this topic was presented.

I can only assume that your panel of ten people were designed to be an average cross section of Jewish society. At the low end of this group, we are introduced to three people who, either currently or in the past, pay around $50 a week ($2,500 a year) for cleaning help. There is a middle group of three people paying twice that amount ($5,000 a year), two people paying in the neighborhood of $8,000 to $12,000 a year, and two people tipping the scales at somewhere between $25,000 and $30,000 a year.

With the exception of a few times immediately following the birth of a new baby, I have been married for close to 25 years and never once hired anyone to clean my house for me. The whole family pitches in each Erev Shabbos to clean, and we have a very neat house. Not spotless, but clean and tidy. I clean the bathrooms and mop the floors, my wife sweeps and dusts, and my children vacuum and take out garbage. According to your numbers, we have saved enough to make at least two chasunahs at the low end of your spectrum and enough to buy a house or two at the high end.

As I mentioned at the outset, I am not advocating that people forgo their cleaning help. What I’m trying to say is that this article was not at all comprehensive and that it may have done a disservice to those it was designed to help.

People like my family exist and are quite happy and content. The choice that we have made to clean our house without outside assistance has led to greater financial wellbeing and greater spiritual wellbeing (no non-Jewish women in the house on a regular basis). The additional plus of children who actually know what it’s like to help out around the house is a topic for another time.

An article that is ostensibly there to encourage financial responsibility is incomplete without an example like ours.

Shmuly D.

Admiration and Respect [Screen Time / Issue 896]

I read the article “Screen Time” about a Jew who made the decision to stop spending time on LinkedIn, and was very inspired.

I am a proud Skverer chassid living in New Square. I can personally confirm that the Skverer Rebbe is leading a constant campaign against smartphones and exposure to the Internet and all other social media sites in a very smart, calculated way. His influence penetrates worldwide, with a tremendous siyata d’Shmaya.

I personally signed one of the Rebbe’s requests not to view any type of video content. I was not able to keep this commitment and instead committed to watch Torah content only. We all know that once we have access, there are constant tests to pass, which is very dangerous.

After reading this article, I took upon myself to keep my original commitment, with no exceptions.

I would like to share with the readers that I attend meetings with governors, senators, and congressmen at which they watch me use my kosher phone. Most of the time, this leads to a conversation about the purpose of the phone. It almost always ends with them expressing admiration and respect (and sometimes even envy) for the policy.

As we all know, smartphones and social media can be very addictive. I suggest trying a one-hour blackout of your smartphone anytime during the day. Try it; eventually you’ll realize that you can be in control.

Yisroel Moshe (Izzy) Spitzer, mayor of New Square

Transformed My Davening [Second Thoughts / Issue 894]

My davening this week was transformed because of Rabbi Emanuel Feldman’s article, “Bless You!”

It encouraged me to slow down the “Bruch” to “Baruch” and to take pause to think that Hashem’s giving is a wellspring that does not dry up.

Additionally, I have been giving deeper intention to the bending of knees at different points in davening, internalizing the consciousness of subjugation.

Thank you for another spiritually inspiring article.

C.D., RBS, Israel

Clarification:

The Endnote column in Issue 896 featured the song “Let’s Stand Up for the Morah,” sung by Benny Friedman and composed by Yitzy Waldner, with lyrics by Miriam Israeli. What the item failed to mention was that the song, a rousing tribute to all the dedicated morahs teaching the daughters of Klal Yisrael, was in fact commissioned by Torah Umesorah, with Torah Umesorah spearheading the effort to increase the wages of our morahs. We apologize for the omission.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 898)