“We’re robbing our young women of the imperative experience of not being perfect”

Two Sides to the Debate [Inbox / Issue 1099]

I’ve been following the coverage of the nurses’ strike in New York and have noticed that most articles seem to portray the hospital in a negative light. As the father of a long-term patient at the hospital, I wanted to offer a more balanced perspective.

There is no question that nurses are vital to the quality of care provided; they go beyond medical duties and become like friends to patients and their loved ones. However, it’s important to distinguish between the nurses themselves and the union representing them. The union’s demands, from what I’ve seen, include some unreasonable requests, some of which are politically motivated, such as those related to immigration policies and a 30% wage increase. Additionally, the union does not want the hospital to be able to dismiss nurses at will, even when there are issues in medical care; instead, they propose moving those nurses to different departments, which can harm patients.

The union has also organized the strike to begin at 7 a.m., which has resulted in considerable noise, honking cars, and loud gatherings that wake my child early and prevent her from napping. The noise makes me question if the union truly has the best interests of patients at heart, or if they even have the nurses’ best interest at heart. It’s noteworthy that they collect a percentage of each nurse’s paycheck rather than a fixed fee, making unreasonable raises a big sticking point.

I’m not suggesting that the hospital is negotiating in perfectly good faith. But I believe it’s crucial for the public to recognize that neither side is without fault. Instead of choosing sides, I think the contracts under negotiation should be made public so that everyone can make informed decisions for themselves.

A Concerned Parent

Who’s the Audience? [Outlook / Issue 1099]

I generally enjoy Rabbi Rosenblum’s column, but this week had me confused. Who is this written for?

I think I can safely say that most, if not all, Mishpacha patrons are not chareidim living in insulated sectors of Israeli society. They are not the kind to be attending these protests, nor defending them. If anything, most subscribers are probably put off by them.

No one reading this is nodding their head, saying, “Hey, we should really rethink our methods….” I’d safely bet that readers are once again wagging their fingers at “those extremist chareidim.”

The sector we are talking about is already demonized and slandered by the public. I don’t believe we gain anything by adding fuel to that fire. Without condoning actions, maybe we should first understand why they are so angry. A good place to start would be by reading the article following Rabbi Rosenblum’s, by MK Pindrus.

Rabbi Rosenblum’s article will most probably not elicit change in those about whom it is written. So how is it helpful to anyone to accuse a different community of chillul Hashem? Perhaps it would be better to stick to addressing the issues and potential acts of chillul Hashem of our own instead of putting down those we don’t even understand.

M.K.

The Backstory [The Moment / Issue 1099]

I’d like to express my sincere appreciation for your recent coverage of the J3 Conference and for highlighting what was truly an extraordinary event. The conference was excellently run by Rabbi Dovy Grossman, Eliyahu Frankel, and the entire Torah Links team, and it was an honor for the JX team to serve as an event partner.

Your article noted that several students asked to join a learning session at BMG with an anonymous “Lakewood business executive” who also “serves as a dayan on a local beis din,” and included a photo of those students learning with him. Having been at the dinner table where that initial conversation took place, present in the room during the learning, and witness to the aftermath, I feel compelled to expand on the significance of that moment.

The speaker in question, Rabbi Shmuel Iann of Tallymawr, whose work was previously mentioned in your magazine, was encouraged by the rosh yeshivah, Rav Yisroel Neuman, to visit Rutgers University after October 7 in response to the outpouring of interest in Yiddishkeit and a sense of responsibility to be present for those students. I had the privilege of driving him on that initial visit, when he came to share both his business experience and his Torah perspective with the JX students at Rutgers. Since then, he has spoken on many of our campuses, and aside from joining our board, has encouraged his friends and community to connect with and inspire these students.

In the months that followed, one student, Isaac Goldin, traveled to Lakewood to meet with Rabbi Iann. What began as a single chavrusa quickly evolved into a weekly learning session, with a group of students learning Choshen Mishpat in Toms River every Thursday evening with Reb Shmuel and me.

One memorable evening this past spring, as reported in your pages, the group had the opportunity to meet Rav Neuman shortly before midnight, between his sedorim. That encounter left an indelible impression.

That inspiration fueled the JX Kollel at Rutgers University. Today, more than a minyan of students gathers weekly to learn a sugya in Choshen Mishpat under Reb Shmuel’s guidance. His passion for Torah is palpable, and in an environment that is often less than ideal for serious growth, these students have been inspired to take their Yiddishkeit more seriously. Their tagline says it all: “Got Ketzos.”

Recently, 12 of these students met with Rosh Yeshivah Rav Dovid Shustal, another moment your magazine documented. As J3 approached, we felt it was essential that Reb Shmuel be present to inspire students as a living role model of someone who prioritizes his learning and Klal Yisrael even alongside significant business responsibilities. Though he was scheduled to be out of state on business, he changed his flight to ensure he could attend the dinner.

At that dinner, a group of young professionals from Atlanta, part of AJX, the vibrant community led by Rabbi Yosef Shapiro, sat together with Reb Shmuel and several JX Kollel students. Conversations began. Connections formed.

And the story continues.

Just one day after your article reached newsstands, I found myself on a phone call with Rabbis Shapiro and Iann. On that call, it was decided to launch the AJX Kollel in Atlanta. B’ezras Hashem, Reb Shmuel and I will be traveling there for the inaugural shiur on April 15.

It feels only appropriate to share this update, as each step of the JX Kollel’s growth has been documented in your pages until now. As the journey continues, we look forward to many more moments of nachas — and many more “Moments.”

Rabbi Mendy Brukirer

JXnetwork.org

Anxiety Contributor [Inbox / Issue 1098]

I’d like to respond to the high school teacher who defended outsourcing school productions by saying that the very professional productions encourage a sense of school pride. While I appreciate all you do, and I hear your perspective, I cannot disagree with you more.

As an alumna of Bais Yaakov of Monsey who graduated over two decades ago, I still feel tremendous school pride, though we most certainly didn’t put on a production with today’s level of professionalism. What we did have was the most amazing experience of making it ourselves! Painting our own scenery, sewing our own costumes from the material we purchased, and creating our own props gave us self-esteem, real-life lessons… and tremendous school pride.

As for the prerecorded songs, I have nothing to say other than that it’s a scandal. We’re robbing our young women of the imperative experience of not being perfect.

The level of anxiety today can be attributed to many things. Some we cannot control; we live in galus. But it’s a disgrace to not address the factors that we can.

I read the Kichels strip about productions out loud to my teenage daughters (one of whom was play head in her school’s production this year, where baruch Hashem they are at least trying to hold the line), and exclaimed that they must have bugged our home to write out my thoughts so well, as comics often can.

Please, let’s all take a moment to look at the 50,000-foot view of our long-term-chinuch goals as adults and measure the advantages and disadvantages. To me, the answer is clear. We need to give our children more opportunities for actual work and opportunities to experience less-than-perfect performances. Let’s not rob them of these vital life skills; this is truly the most important chinuch out there.

Frimi Levi, Kallah Teacher

Bala Cynwyd, PA

Wary of a Deal [The Current / Issue 1098]

Maury Litwack suggests that modern-day Republicans would be surprised to learn that President Reagan signed into law the 1986 Immigration Reform and Control Act, considered a very pro-immigration law. If Mr. Litwack spent more time listening to the thoughts of his ideological opponents, he would know that the 1986 Act is actually a familiar talking point in right-wing discourse.

The 1986 Act was presented as a compromise, in which some 3 million illegal immigrants already present in the US would have the chance to become citizens, in exchange for stricter enforcement going forward of existing laws in order to prevent new illegal immigrants from entering and remaining the US. The first goal was certainly achieved, but the success of the second can be doubted when one notes that there are currently an estimated 14 million illegal immigrants in the US. It is precisely because they are familiar with the 1986 Act that immigration restrictionists are skeptical of any proposal for another amnesty.

Julie Kahan

Ramat Beit Shemesh

Stand up to Society [Great Expectations / Issue 1098]

The poll question about catered vachnachts struck a chord with me, not because of the question but because of the answers. There was a tone of resignation: No one wants it, and we all know that everyone is spending more to fit in. We’re just not strong enough as a people to say no.

But what if there was an adult in the room who was able to enforce rules against overspending, at least for a smaller but influential group? Then everyone else wouldn’t feel the pressure, because the influential group isn’t doing it either. Who can influence or convince the regular ben Torah that this is not, and should not, be the norm? Is there an adult in the room who will say no?

Eli Blum

Lawrence, NY

Snow Day Celebrations [The Kichels / Issue 1098]

While the disappointed reaction of the mother from the Kichel’s strip about snow days seems to be the norm, it doesn’t have to be that way. Every time there’s a possible snow day, I remember how my mother (a mom of eight very energetic kids) would hope and hope along with us kids that school would be canceled. When it was, I clearly recall her waking us up with such excitement to tell us the good news.

Shout out to Mommy W. from Montreal (and any other moms out there!) for not being like the “average” mother and for always sharing in our snow-day celebrations.

Name Withheld

Hope for Trauma [Double Take – Sink or Swim / Issue 1097]

The “Sink or Swim” Double Take described how one traumatic event can cause a host of symptoms that often prevent a child from engaging in regular activities. Clearly, Michali is suffering from PTSD symptoms after witnessing a near drowning in the summer.

This story offers an opportunity to let parents of a child who experienced a singular traumatic event know that there is effective treatment that can help. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a very effective treatment for an acute traumatic event when rendered by a licensed trained professional. Used widely in Eretz Yisrael and across the globe, EMDR for an acute event can relieve PTSD symptoms and allow the child to return to prior functioning, often within a few sessions. Through eye movements, the child reprocesses the trauma allowing the body to expel the traumatic effects. Following an EMDR session, a child will frequently feel “lighter,” and prior anxiety and symptoms are reduced, if not gone altogether. It is no longer a given that a person must suffer lifelong effects from a single traumatic event. There is help out there.

Susan Shuster, LCSW

Monsey, NY

Give It a Chance [A Way Through / Issue 1097]

I read with great interest the recent feature on four shidduch initiatives. It was encouraging to see how much thought and effort are being put into helping families navigate such a complex and emotional parshah.

I wanted to share my personal experience with Zuug. As a mother who has been involved in shidduchim for some time, I’ve found that having another structured avenue for ideas can be genuinely helpful. Through Zuug, I received several suggestions for my daughter that were thoughtful and relevant, including boys who learned in well-known yeshivos such as Brisk and others. The suggestions felt serious and in line with what we were looking for, which is not something I take for granted.

On the boys’ side, it also makes things easier. You’re not just getting another résumé with no context, and you’re not constantly bracing yourself for ideas that aren’t shayach. A lot of the relevant details are there from the start and the matches are more relevant. I would encourage mothers of boys to consider participating, as the system is only as strong as the pool of people involved. The more families who take part, the more useful it becomes for everyone.

I’ve spoken to other mothers with daughters in the parshah, some of whom were initially skeptical. Ultimately, concluding it was a low-effort hishtadlus they decided to give it a try, and they were pleasantly surprised.

May all those involved in these efforts have continued hatzlachah in helping bring simchahs to Klal Yisrael.

Name Withheld

Solution Down South [Counterpoint / Issue 1093]

In light of the ongoing discussions in these pages on the topic of affordability, we’d like to alert your readers to a well-kept secret: It’s called Tampa, Florida.

My family and I just spent a wonderful midwinter vacation in Tampa, and we were very impressed. The city is midsize, large enough to provide all amenities, yet small enough to be easy to navigate. It’s also stunning. The downtown area is framed by the Gulf of Mexico as well as several rivers and channels. The Tampa beaches are pristine, the parks are lush, the temperatures are milder than South Florida (think sweater weather in the winter!), and there are tons of family-friendly activities in the region.

This brings me to the best part of Tampa: the frum community. It’s a small but growing group of highly motivated families who are building a wholesome and affordable Torah community. We had read about Tampa in Mishpacha and were pleased to see for ourselves the roots of a real makom Torah. The davening at the Tampa Kollel is beautiful, and the Tampa Torah Academy already has almost 100 students spanning kindergarten through 11th grade. What’s more, community leaders have wisely situated the frum area in a well-maintained, attractive suburban neighborhood with real estate options at every price point, as well as easy access to the Tampa business district.

We’d like to thank Rabbi and Mrs. Yirmiyahu Rubenstein and Mr. and Mrs. Michoel Gray for their outstanding hospitality, as well as the many other members of the community who welcomed us so warmly. If you’re exploring a move to an out-of-town community, be sure to give Tampa a try!

Simi Koppele

Passaic, NJ

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1100)