“An ADHD diagnosis is a lot more than just opening the gates to medication (which, in many cases, can actually be life-changing)”

Cut the Toameha [Inbox / Issue 1090]

I’m writing in response to A.L., who referenced the culpability of those who provide alcohol to those who go on to become drunk and cause accidents, etc. I found myself nodding along to the points she made, until the last paragraph.

Firstly, I’d like to take issue with the whole concept of toameha. While it’s common courtesy for a host to provide refreshments to guests arriving from afar on a Friday afternoon — a piece of cake, some potato kugel, perhaps — I have never heard that it is a mitzvah to host a lavish spread on an Erev Shabbos, especially on short winter Fridays. It must surely impact one’s ability to fully enjoy the Friday night meal, which one is supposed to anticipate with a healthy appetite, not coming off a mini (or maxi) seudah just a short while before.

The writer then goes on to say that she will be hosting a toameha and only serving alcohol in limited quantity. Given the recent tragedy, and probably others of which we don’t know, and the fact that people are showing up drunk for Shabbos meals, why does the writer feel it necessary to serve alcohol at all? Who will be policing the consumption? And again, WHY? Why alcohol? Why not just kugel and drinks? Given the consequences that she herself references, how about sticking to soda or coffee? Forget about the liquor and save the wine for where it belongs — at Kiddush Friday night.

Mrs. Yehudis Levi

Monsey, NY

Start Young [Perspective / Issue 1089]

Thank you for publishing Rabbi Moshe Dov Heber’s beautiful article “Redefining Rich.” In a world where the lure of excessive materialism often overshadows financial responsibility, teaching our children about money has never been more important.

A century ago, when luxuries were bought through hard work and delayed gratification, learning by example was enough. Today, in an age of “swipe to pay” and instant buys, observation alone is no longer sufficient. Children need guidance, both at home and at school, to learn about finances from a young age.

For the past 15 years, we’ve been creating and sharing our financial curricula, now taught in schools worldwide, because we believe that an ounce of prevention is the best medicine. It’s true that Mesila has a division focused on coaching couples, but we believe it would be much more beneficial if both spouses would enter a marriage with the proper tools and hashkafos that would preempt the necessity of such coaching.

Our education department provides curricula for schools to adopt from grade five all the way through high school. Thankfully, many schools are teaching these crucial messages to the students, but many more are not. Every article encouraging this education is a step in the right direction, and kudos to Mishpacha once again.

Shmuli Margulies

Mesila Chairman

The Power of a Diagnosis [One Time, One Time / Issue 1088]

While I’ve been thoroughly inspired by Rabbi Eli Scheller’s life story (especially because his stories are regularly playing in our house!) and the beautiful work he does today, I couldn’t help but cringe when I read a paragraph in the last chapter of his story. When the author asks Rabbi Scheller if he thinks he would have been better off being diagnosed with ADHD as a child, he responds with a resounding no because of the stigma of a label.

As someone who has spent more than a decade working with children and parents with ADHD, I can’t understate the transformative power of getting a diagnosis at a young age, taking ownership of one’s personal makeup, and working together with loving adults who respect the process.

An ADHD diagnosis is a lot more than just opening the gates to medication (which, in many cases, can actually be life-changing). It’s also the gate to self awareness, self acceptance, and finally, self actualization. I have been so proud of my talmidim and talmidos who have learned to accept and love themselves, and practical executive functioning skills that will serve them for a lifetime, im yirtzeh Hashem. With proper support, an ADHD diagnosis can be a game changer for adults and children alike.

Chana Wallach

MS Special Education

Boston, MA

Vibrant Connection [Outlook / Issue 1079]

In his essay, “Time to Think about Hashem” Yonason Rosenblum eloquently highlights the need to develop G-d consciousness even within our frum communities, emphasizing the importance of learning and living he Six Constant Mitzvos (Sheish Mitzvos Temidios).

My esteemed partners, Mrs. Michele Weiss and Mrs. Tzippy Reifer, and I were privileged to study these foundational concepts under Rabbi Yitzchak Coopersmith, a talmid muvhak of Rav Noach Weinberg ztz”l, through shiurim he delivered while writing the sefer Constant Connection. This seminal work — available in both English and Hebrew — captures Rav Noach’s vision for continuous awareness of Hashem and became the catalyst for our passion to bring these teachings into our schools.

As an outgrowth of this transformative learning, my partners and I founded AMATZ, which provides a platform for professional development for mechanchos and principals. To date, we have hosted biannual conferences reaching over 450 principals, and fostered a vibrant professional community of more than 200 principals who regularly exchange ideas, resources, and inspiration in a spirit of achdus and shared purpose.

At the culmination of nine years of dedicated research and educational development, and in recognition of the urgent need for contemporary students to cultivate both an authentic relationship with Hashem and a thorough mastery of the Sheish Mitzvos Temidios, we have produced the Nishmas Chaya curriculum which is being taught in schools, with great siyata d’Shmaya.

An article in Family First, Rebbetzin Tzipora Weinberg’s brilliant feature on Sarah Schenirer, beautifully complements this vision. She portrays Sarah Schenirer’s desire to create a program “dedicated to the spiritual nurture of all Jewish girls, one that would captivate their minds and hearts through the wisdom of Torah.” She so beautifully describes Sarah Schenirer’s “realization that her friends and peers were lacking something essential in their religious identity.”

Rebbetzin Weinberg quotes Sarah Schenirer’s own words: “You know that the Bais Yaakov does not attempt to impart a great wealth of knowledge, but a wealth of spirit, a large measure of enthusiasm for the performance of the commandments and a large measure of refined personal qualities.”

At AMATZ, we are privileged to work closely with today’s mechanchos and principals, women of extraordinary education and insight. We view the task as nothing less than one of pikuach nefesh: ensuring that every bas Yisrael develops not only knowledge but a living, vibrant connection to Hashem. Our educational system is strong and beautiful, yet like every generation before us we face new challenges that call for thoughtful renewal and collective strength.

Mrs. Leba Schwebel

On behalf of AMATZ

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1091)