“If I pursue fleeting pleasures and passing thrills, I miss discovering the source of continuous joy: my own soul” — Hadar Goldin Hy"d

The Imperative of Kiddush Hashem [Inbox / Issue 1087]

I was very disturbed by the letter criticizing Yonoson Rosenblum for writing about chareidim who refuse to be seated on planes, for religious reasons or other, thus delaying takeoff. The letter implied that Rabbi Rosenblum has ahavas Yisrael for chilonim but not for chareidim.

I strongly disagree. In Rabbi Rosenblum’s great love for all of Klal Yisrael, he is alerting us to our responsibility to live lives of kiddush Hashem. As he writes, the Gemara (Yoma 86a) understands the mitzvah to love Hashem and to “make Hashem’s Name beloved.”

Rabbi Rosenblum focused on how kiddush Hashem can draw secular Jews closer. There is another reason why kiddush Hashem is such an imperative at this particular moment in history. We all know that anti-Semitism, in America and around the world, has become more widespread and open than at any time in recent history. While we cannot totally wipe out hatred of our people, for halachah hi she’Eisav sonei es Yaakov, the Netziv writes that living a life of kiddush Hashem can minimize it to some extent. When non-Jews see observant Jews acting with integrity, pleasantness, and concern for their fellow man, they might be inclined to hate us less. Or not hate us at all.

As an example, someone told me how his lost briefcase, containing valuable business documents, was returned to him by an African American who found it in a subway station. The man traveled to this Yid’s Boro Park home to return it rather than calling him to come pick it up. When he asked the finder what had possessed him to go through so much trouble, he replied, “My father worked for Ossie’s fish store in Boro Park and they were always nice to him. And I worked for one summer in the kitchen of Camp Agudah in Ferndale and they always treated me with respect and paid me on time. When I found your briefcase, I said to myself, ‘The Jewish people were good to me and my father. Now I have a chance to pay them back.’ ”

Anyone who flies alone books his reservation with the understanding that he might find himself sitting next to a woman. There is nothing wrong with politely requesting a seat change. However, if that doesn’t happen, there is no excuse for refusing to be seated and delaying takeoff. To do so is a chillul Hashem.

(A prominent rav recently related how he found himself on a long flight seated next to a woman. He could not change his seat, so he moved as far away from her as he could and forced himself to stay awake the entire flight.)

How serious is chillul Hashem? In the 1970s, Natan Sharansky was languishing in a Russian prison, suffering and getting weaker. Someone came up with the idea of asking Secretary of State Henry Kissinger to advocate for Sharansky. Rabbi Moshe Sherer could make the call, but he had one hesitation. There were rumors that Kissinger wanted to run for the New York senate seat. If Rabbi Sherer asked him for this favor, he might ask that Orthodox Jews endorse his candidacy in return. And he was married to a non-Jew.

The question was presented to Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky. He responded that pikuach nefesh takes precedence even over shemiras Shabbos, but it does not allow for chillul Hashem. To endorse a Jew married to a non-Jew is a chillul Hashem. (Other ways were found to free Sharansky. See the new book on Rabbi Ronnie Greenwald.)

In 2008, my rebbi Rav Moshe Wolfson ztz”l led 200 talmidim, many of them young bochurim, on a trip to Eretz Yisrael for Purim Meshulash. Before the trip, Rav Wolfson called a meeting. Everyone thought that he would be inspiring us about the great zechus of making such a trip. While he did speak about that, he had other matters to discuss as well. Following is an excerpt (translated from Yiddish):

I would like to ask the teenage bochurim to put an extra focus on being mekadesh Shem Shamayim. Young people traveling to Eretz Yisrael are generally in a lively mood. However, you must take extra precautions with your behavior because as a large group with black hats you will be strikingly noticeable. Do not be wild, chas v’shalom.

Do not display a haughty sense of entitlement. Wherever you travel — at the airport, the bus depot, the water fountain, in a food store — there will be lines of people waiting before you. [He went on to caution them to wait their turn patiently. To do otherwise, he maintained, is to cause a great chillul Hashem.]

Rav Wolfson continued: If you see senior citizens who may be having difficulty with their luggage, offer to assist them.

Do not make things hard for the plane’s crew, or a bus driver, waiter, or anyone else who performs a service for you. Say, “Thank you!” Be a mensch, be civilized.

I am certain that if all Jews, myself included, had the middos of Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky (to name one gadol famous for his exemplary behavior), there would be less anti-Semitism. I’m not speaking about Palestinian hatred or the fanatical hatred of the right. I speak of the average non-Jew’s anti-Semitism. Holocaust books are replete with stories of Jews who were hidden from the Germans by neighbors who were motivated by the respect and even gratitude that they felt toward their Jewish neighbors.

In conclusion, I have no doubt that Yonoson Rosenblum loves chareidi Jews.

And so do I.

Rabbi Shimon Finkelman

Inherent Worth [Open Mic / Issue 1087]

I really related to the Open Mic article, “Enough is Never Enough.”

I’ve always thought that if you’re busy that means you’re good enough. If you’re running around from job to job and task to task, you’re “making it.” You do so much and that seems to be equated with self-worth. The more you do, the busier you are, the better you feel.

Doing things does give us a sense of accomplishment, but what happens when that becomes an identity and a self-defining factor? What about others who aren’t holding down full-time jobs or taking care of a family? If they’re not busy running around, does that make them less-than? I’m sure there are those who do feel that way, which is why I’m writing this letter.

It’s extremely hard for me to define my essence as good enough just because I have a tzelem Elokim and not because of how busy or not busy I am. Logically, I know that being the busiest person doesn’t put me on a higher pedestal, but it’s super hard to internalize that on an emotional level.

We’ve conditioned ourselves to believe that constant production makes you a worthy person. If you do have a few minutes or even hours to spare, you assume that you’re less-than. What’s wrong with me? I should be busier! Maybe I should look for another job or a side hustle and hopefully that’ll help me feel better....

True, accomplishing is healthy and does add to our self-worth. But that’s just on the external front. That, I think, is what we’re struggling to understand, at least I am. Ultimately, I am worthy irrespective of my accomplishments. I am inherently worthy, just by being, just because of the fact that I have a tzelem Elokim. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Many people will reject this idea because it’s in opposition to the identity we’ve built, as a culture and on a personal level. However, if we can stop for 60 seconds (or more!), and reflect on what that truly means and not on what we’ve programmed ourselves to think, I think we’d be doing ourselves a huge favor. We can relearn and rethink how to truly measure and view ourselves.

Simply put, we are all worthy because each of us is a child of Hashem.

Sarah

Fitting Tribute [Encounters / Issue 1087]

I am writing to express my deep appreciation for your recent article about Rabbi and Rebbetzin Plancey. Having had the honor and privilege of knowing them personally, the article resonated with me in a profound way.

Their granddaughter’s words were especially moving. She portrayed them with such accuracy, sensitivity, and insight that it felt as though she brought them back into the room. Every description, every nuance, reflected their true essence, their humility, their devotion, their sincerity, and the genuine warmth with which they greeted every person who crossed their path.

Rabbi and Rebbetzin Plancey were pillars of strength and guidance for so many. Their presence was a source of comfort and inspiration, and their loss is felt deeply by all who knew them. Their passing is not only a personal loss but a tremendous loss to Klal Yisrael as a whole. It is a great comfort to see their legacy honored so beautifully in your publication.

Thank you for giving their story the dignity and attention it deserves, and for allowing readers to appreciate the depth of who they were and what they contributed to the community.

Annette Solomon

Let’s Stay Focused [Worldview / Issue 1086]

I couldn’t agree more with Rabbi Guttentag’s conclusion that the response to surging anti-Semitism must be spiritual, first and foremost. My issue is that he felt the need to preempt what should be a clear, obvious, and noncontroversial statement with the caveat that “perhaps [it] will come across as too passive, too galus-minded for some tastes.” I’m sure there are people who do think that, but that is an anti-Torah outlook that should not need to be addressed.

Mishpacha is a wonderful magazine with lots of valuable content. However, the constant, nonstop analysis of current events and every comment and move of every politician, be he Israeli, American, or otherwise, particularly in the first half of the magazine, subconsciously distracts from what we should really be focusing on: Hashem, teshuvah, tefillah, achdus, and other spiritual answers.

Hoping we can focus on the real solutions and not lose our bearings amid all the noise.

Yissachar Dov

Chicago

Soulful Legacy [The Beat / Issue 1086]

I very much appreciated seeing the article by Yaacov Lipszyc regarding Hadar Goldin. After 11 years, it’s important to remind readers about the legacy of this fallen soldier. However, we would be remiss not to mention that in addition to Hadar being an “artist, musician, and youth counselor,” he was also a yeshivah student whose words and teachings still resonate with us today.

Four years after he was killed and taken captive, his parents published his notes — which he composed at only 19 years old while studying Mesillat Yesharim with Rav Eliezer Kashtiel from Mechinat Eli — as How to Build a Life: Studying Mesillat Yesharim with Hadar Goldin (Maggid Books, 2018).

In the first chapter of Mesillat Yesharim, the Ramchal explains man’s purpose with the following: “Man was created solely to delight in G-d.”

In his notes, Hadar defined true delight for himself: “A person feels delight when his experiences align with his soul. In daily life, we focus on the outside world and its impact, seldom glimpsing our own soul. The outside world obscures a person’s soul, his personality, and his essence. If I pursue fleeting pleasures and passing thrills, I miss discovering the source of continuous joy: my own soul. It is imperative that a person discover his own self and reveal the essence of his soul.”

May Hadar Goldin’s memory be a blessing.

Rabbi Joshua Gerstein

Israel

Disheartening Reporting [The Current / Issue 1086]

You owe us an issue of feel-good stories after two articles in Issue 1086 that will probably keep me awake all night.

The article about the political right that Tucker Carlson has carved out is bad enough on its own. After years of endorsing conservative politics, this publication now realizes that as a people, we are friendless on both ends of the political spectrum.

And if that article didn’t shake me up enough, the one preceding it really could send one’s blood pressure up. It was the story about all the drones coming into Israel with heavy-duty weapons in preparation for a doomsday attack described as one that will make October 7 look like a dress rehearsal. And reminiscent of pre-October 7 warnings, the Israeli government doesn’t seem to be responding to this constant issue.

You have no idea how grateful I am that I didn’t happen to read those articles on Shabbos.

Charnie Feldman

Queens, NY

Kudos to Canvey Island [Wave of the Future / Issue 1085]

Just wanted to thank you for sharing the article about Canvey Island. I am so impressed with how the Jews were able to create a community in Canvey Island and keep the non-Jews’ respect toward them! If I remember correctly, a while back, Treeo interviewed a girl whose family lives in Canvey Island, too!

S.K.

Label for Later [The Moment / Issue 1085]

The story of how the bus driver and the 12-year-old boy were able to return a long-lost pair of tefillin was a heartwarming one.

On that note, I would suggest that everyone include a business card or other means of contact information with their tallis and their tefillin so it’s easy to track down any that are lost or misplaced.

Seven years ago, our shul performed major renovations and we found almost 40 talleisim hidden away in parts of the building, some even with silver ataros. Only about half of them were able to be returned to their rightful owners.

The rest are still in a bin in our garage!

If you label your things, not only will you be more likely to have your item returned, but you will spare the finder from the tirchah of keeping the item (potentially for many years) until it is claimed.

Name Withheld

Presidential Tidbit [Downshifting in Office / Issue 1086]

I read with interest Menachem Spiegel’s article about various political figures who went on to accept jobs that ranked lower in status. He did not mention the curious case of John Tyler, who was the tenth president of the United States from April 4, 1841 until March 4, 1845. As the vice president for William Henry Harrison, he succeeded him when the latter died after only one month in office. Tyler was from Virginia, and at the start of the Civil War in 1861, he was elected to the Confederate House of Representatives. However, he died at the age of 71 before it assembled.

After both Tyler and his son Lyon’s first wives died, they each married younger women and had children at an advanced age. His daughter Pearl died in 1947 and Lyon’s son Harrison Ruffin Tyler died on May 25, 2025 at the age of 96, quite a span of years after the birth of his grandfather in 1790.

David Wilk

Jerusalem

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1088)