“In the US, a medical professional is not allowed to withhold medical records. What Kaila did was illegal”

Weighty Responsibility [Worth a Million / Issue 1085]

I really enjoy reading Mishpacha. I don’t always agree with all opinions expressed in the magazine, and that’s okay. People are entitled to different opinions. But something in last week’s issue really struck a raw nerve with me, and I can’t keep quiet.

Let me first start with what I did appreciate in the issue. I appreciated Yonoson Rosenblum’s article, “Fanning the Flames,” about the current spiritual arousal in Eretz Yisrael and the need to interact with others unfamiliar to Torah and mitzvos in a way that will increase kevod Shamayim. As he quoted Rav Moshe Shapira: “Our task is not to bring Mashiach; it’s to make sure that we don’t prevent his arrival.”

That sums it up beautifully. Our not-yet-observant brethren in the Land are doing a good job of soul searching and returning to Hashem in their own way; it’s incumbent upon us, the frum community, at the very least not to extinguish those flames by behaving in a way that makes it seem like those who keep Torah are (chas v’shalom) rude, indifferent, or otherwise disconnected from the broader Klal Yisrael. In other words: Be a mensch! Act in a way that increases honor and respect for Hashem by carrying yourself in a dignified way, and by honoring and loving His children (even if you may disagree with them).

The second part of the magazine that I appreciated was the coverage of the tefillah gathering in Yerushalayim. The pictures and the interviews all gave over that beautiful feeling of achdus and of kevod Shamayim, as hundreds of thousands of bnei Torah gathered together in a peaceful, dignified manner, aiming to increase the honor of Hashem’s name and His Torah. I hadn’t yet consumed any media that purveyed the asifah in such a majestic manner. Ashreichem Yisrael!

Then I turned a couple of pages, and my heart sank. The interview with Rav Sorotzkin, who staged protests against the arrest of a yeshivah bochur from one of his yeshivos just really turned me off. Every legitimate question asked by the interviewer was answered in a way that screamed chillul Hashem. The picture of hundreds of pure cheder boys dressed in yellow caps meant to echo the hostage movement’s signage was purely disgusting. The poster of the imprisoned bochur meant to imitate the hostage posters brought bile to my throat. The general approach of the entire interview — “I don’t care what they think, let them misconstrue my actions but they’re wrong and we are right and they do lots of wrong, too” — left me feeling depressed and full of despair.

For the record, I agree 100 percent that a rosh yeshivah should go out and fight for a bochur unjustly arrested and imprisoned in an attempt to topple the government and exacerbate political issues without providing real solutions. He should fight for his bochur; the question is how. How are we going to react with the broader Israeli public? Will we react in a way that showcases our refinement, our kavod habriyos, our achdus, and our dignity, while still holding tight to our values? Or are we going to lose that dignity in an attempt to get just as dirty as the other while fighting the fight?

This issue literally kept me up that night. I read the article, because as the leader of so many mosdos responsible for the chinuch of chareidi boys in Eretz Yisrael, Rav Sorotzkin holds an awesome responsibility. I’m uneasy sending my children to institutions that condone behaving in a way that is undignified, justified by the “they are out to get us, so we are allowed to fight back using any means” approach. It scares me. And it scares me that our fellow brothers who are searching and trying to find the Borei Olam are exposed to those who are meant to be His ambassadors in this world and instead of seeing “deracheha darchei noam” will see quite the opposite, chas v’shalom.

Hoping and praying that this is the beginning of a new movement, of acute awareness of the awesome responsibility we are holding as the ambassadors of Hashem in these pivotal times, and that we will be zocheh to spread the light to all our brothers and to the whole world in a way that echoes “v’chol nesivoseha shalom.”

A Chareidi Living in Yerushalayim

Therapist in the Wrong [Out of Session / Double Take – Issue 1085]

As an SLP in private practice in Lakewood, NJ, I was horrified by the Double Take story where “Kaila” refused to produce an evaluation report for her $850 OT evaluation.

The fact that this was a Double Take story, presenting the story as having two sides, was misleading to your readers. In the US, a medical professional is not allowed to withhold medical records. What Kaila did was illegal, no matter how she may have felt about giving out her treatment plan.

I also wanted to point out several things that readers should know:

1. As I mentioned, the therapist legally (at least in the US) needs to produce medical records upon the patient’s request, which in this case would mean the evaluation report with the results/findings. Refusing to do so could be grounds for losing her professional license.
2. The evaluation report and the treatment plan are not the same thing. The treatment plan should ideally be made by the treating therapist (or their supervisor) using the eval report. The new therapist Blimi — assuming she was a good therapist and had the eval report — should’ve been able to create an appropriate treatment plan on her own. Treatment plans usually don’t get created until therapy is about to begin, so Kaila shouldn’t have had to give a treatment plan — she needed to give an evaluation report.
3. If there is no room in a clinic for 6–12 weeks, it’s absolutely misleading to take money for an evaluation unless it’s a stand-alone evaluation that the client can use to go anywhere.
4. The fact that the evaluation could only be used internally and that there would be no room for a while should have been discussed and signed upon upfront. It was extremely dishonest of Kaila not to offer that information in advance.
5. Clients should beware when any professional offers to conduct an evaluation without some sort of write-up available afterward. Even if this is discussed beforehand, it usually comes back to bite the client in the long run, when they don’t have a report and can’t use it down the line when it may become necessary.

Kaila was completely in the wrong here. I hope this story isn’t true.

Yehudis Brown MS CCC-SLP

Lakewood, NJ

The Child Takes Priority [Out of Session / Double Take – Issue 1085]

Thank you for publishing Mishpacha magazine; I appreciate the care that goes into each issue.

I was troubled by the recent Double Take you published and hope that it wasn’t based on real events. If, however, it was drawn from actual situations, readers should know that they have a legal right to access their medical records. When clients pay for an evaluation, the evaluating therapist should have clear documentation outlining the assessment and its results.

It’s also important to note that an evaluation should be clear and specific so that it can be used by another therapist to create an effective treatment plan. Most experienced occupational therapists are well qualified to develop treatment plans based on a professional evaluation.

My greatest concern, however, lies in the attitude of the evaluating therapist described in the story. Her apparent disregard for the fact that the child was not receiving therapy and her focus on self-promotion was deeply troubling. For a three-year-old, even a few months without necessary intervention are significant. As the story reflected, motor challenges at this stage can affect not only function, but also a child’s confidence and identity.

Readers should be aware that they have a right to their records and deserve to work with a therapist who genuinely prioritizes the well-being of the child, and are not solely concerned with personal financial gain or ego.

Dinah Leiter OTR/L

Kid Clan Services Incorporated

Clifton, New Jersey

Curated Views [Guestlines / Issue 1085]

Thank you for Rabbi Kerzner’s beautiful article about expectations — I think he really captured something essential.

I believe one of the biggest reasons so many of our children struggle today with anxiety and other mental health challenges is because of unrealistic expectations, fueled in large part by social media. We’re constantly exposed to glimpses of other people’s lives — but only their highlights. We mistake those curated moments for reality, and that creates a completely unrealistic picture of what life is supposed to look like.

When our expectations are shaped by illusion, we’re almost guaranteed to feel inadequate and anxious when our own lives don’t measure up. So much of today’s insecurity and discontent stems from that false expectation born of social media’s carefully edited world. So Rabbi Kerzner so eloquently expressed what might be the true remedy to our mental health crisis: Start reshaping our expectations.

A Concerned Mental Health Professional

Misplaced Beliefs Can Be Dangerous [Guestlines / Issue 1085]

I loved Rabbi Kerzner’s article about using our driving experience as a mashal for life — it was so enlightening!

I do have one small comment. Rav Kerzner quoted Rav Mattisyahu Salomon about how gentle bnei Torah can suddenly become aggressive once they’re behind the wheel. I actually heard this remark myself from Rav Mattisyahu, and he added something that really struck me: He said that a woman once told him she warns her children before every bein hazmanim to be extra careful when crossing the street or playing outside — because “the yeshivahleit are home for bein hazmanim.”

I found that so troubling. I have the deepest respect and admiration for bnei Torah, yet I can’t understand what happens when they drive — what gets into them? It’s just inexplicable to me.

So here’s my attempt to justify it. Many yeshivahleit are intelligent, focused, and used to excelling. That confidence can spill over into areas outside their expertise — they assume, I’m a careful person, I can handle it. It’s a misplaced belief that mastery in one area includes responsibility in another.

Name Withheld

Paradigm of a Rebbi [We Hear Him Still / Issue 1085]

Although personally I had but one conversation with Rav Ezra Neuberger, I was deeply saddened by the news, though I feel almost embarrassed to admit it. But I believe my feelings only underscore Rav Ezra’s gadlus and his boundless impact.

As a single girl, my shidduch journey has led me to learn about many different yeshivos and seeing some rebbi/talmid relationships up close.

Over the years, I’ve dated many Ner Yisroel bochurim who called Rav Ezra their rebbi. I heard about his perceptive, thought-out, individualized eitzah and his honest and helpful insight. I myself had one conversation with him which left me very taken by his clarity and insight into people, and his humility in wanting to be helpful.

I felt drawn to Rav Ezra’s ability to understand the depth and nuances of the people he guided and his clarity when analyzing a situation or decision. I was touched by the care he demonstrated by remembering prior conversations and people, even when they were more on the periphery of the people whom he was helping.

As someone outside the four walls of yeshivah having had the opportunity to look in as an observer, Rav Ezra gave me that model of what the rebbi-talmid relationship could look like.

So along with the many talmidim past and present who are mourning this loss, there is one single girl out there mourning, too, for the loss of someone who has deepened our appreciation for daas Torah by modeling what a true rebbi is.

Name Withheld

Enduring Song [The Moment / Issue 1084]

Thank you for highlighting the heartwarming memorial for Chaim Tzvi Katz of blessed memory. I think it’s important to note that the entire project is run by bochurim, talmidim of Rabbi Elya Nota Katz and friends of Chatzi, led by the indomitable Avromi Helberg.

May the Torah learned be a zechus for Chatzi’s neshamah, and may the project bring a nechamah to all of the Katz family and all of Klal Yisrael.

C. Friedman

Out of Touch [The Current / Issue 1084]

A work acquaintance shared with me that last January, her frum landlord raised her rent by almost 20 percent. Due to this increase, she and her husband, both college-educated professionals who work full-time, had to temporarily receive tzedakah to pay for their groceries. The family had been good tenants for years, and it was not the first increase, but the landlord would not negotiate with them. Needless to say, the situation caused them pain and humiliation. Her husband’s sense of competence was injured, and the emotional effect dominoed through the family.

Several months later, while reading about “a beautiful tzedakah initiative,” my coworker realized that the person who had been paying for the majority of her groceries was her landlord.

According to some experts in your articles (most notably Sheinkopf and Cohen), this situation is morally superior to legislation that limits rent increases. Business owners will say that running a successful enterprise “isn’t that simple.” My coworker and I both have insider knowledge of that. But sometimes… sometimes it is that simple.

When I hear about gedolei Yisrael who urge the community to vote for one candidate over another, I believe them. Gedolim live simply and have no vested interest other than the good of Klal Yisrael and our mosdos. But your publication interviewed millionaires and billionaires — some of whom are not Torah observant. When they tell us about the dangers of Mamdani economics, I have no confidence that they are concerned with Klal Yisrael. Rather, they aim to maintain the poorly regulated capitalism that has led us to a modern age of robber barons.

Name Withheld

Save on Sem [Perspectives / Issue 1081]

I’m surprised Avraham Levinson’s well-written column didn’t create more of a discussion.

I fully agree with him. I’m not sure why seminary is such a norm in our circles, where expenses are already sky high. It seems like such a simple way to save 50K + (depending on how many daughters do you have).

Thanks to our outstanding high schools, for the most part, our girls are more than ready to move on after 12th grade.

Name Withheld

Lashon Hara Concerns [Cast Your Bread / Issue 1081]

Several weeks ago, you printed a story about a poor starving child. My heart breaks for the suffering he went through, but nonetheless I feel forced to point out a couple of things.

I think this story has very serious issues of lashon hara. All names and identifying details should have been changed. Although is was a personal account that happened in Ramot over 30 years ago, when both the neighborhood and the entire chesed world was different, I feel it reflects badly on both the neighborhood and cheder. Telling over this story with identifying details surely does not fulfill the Chofetz Chaim’s seven criteria of lashon hara l’toeles.

As a long-time resident of the Ramot neighborhood, I can vouch for the amount of chesed taking place here on a daily basis. Today there is an internal tzedakah fund to take care of families like this so that no child should ever go to bed hungry or even have to do without new clothing for Yom Tov. Money has been raised to heat homes in the winter and much, much more. In fact, I heard that Ramot was one of the first neighborhoods to set up such an internal tzedakah fund. While this story took place in the very early days before this awareness was raised, there is still no reason to shed bad light on an entire neighborhood.

Furthermore, the story, in my opinion, subtly portrays bnei Torah as callous and oblivious to their children’s needs.  There was no reason to mention the father’s occupation and “its repair” in the next generation. In a time when there are forces trying to uproot our precious teenagers from the beis medrash, even the most subtle disrespect to bnei Torah must not be entertained. This story could have been told without any mention of this.

Signed with Pain and Heartache

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1086)