“I’ve heard from quite a few people that they'd rather sit by themselves than have to ask others if they can join a Shabbos or Yom Tov meal”

Open Your Eyes [Inbox / Issue 1079]

In a recent Inbox letter responding to the discussion about the responsibility people have toward their financially struggling relatives, the writer asks: How is your relative supposed to know that you’re an ani who deserves tzedakah unless you ask?

It’s a great question.  Here’s how you know that tzedakah funds may be appropriate (or if you can’t afford more tzedakah, at the least, sensitivity and understanding that the other person is struggling in ways you aren’t): When you come  to this person’s house for family events and see the threadbare couches, chipped paint, and various repairs that have been pushed off due to the expense; when you see this person’s children wearing clothing at family simchahs that are  always from last year’s style, if not earlier; when you see  your relatives on Shabbos and Yom Tov and the children are wearing the same clothing time in and time out; when your relatives stay home during every single school break and never go on any trips;  and many more similar clues.

Being nosei b’ol im chaveiro means noticing the things around you, even when they’re not spelled out.  If you open your eyes wide enough, you’ll see. If even in the hecticness of our frenetic lifestyles, you choose to think about the little details that make up the lives of those around you, you will begin to see others’ realities.

When you open your eyes, you can see who needs help, without subjecting people who are already working beyond their capacity to the indignity of needing to ask.

Wishing all of Klal Yisrael brachos in gashmiyus and ruchniyus,

Someone Who Lives with Eyes Wide Open

Frum Disturbing [Open Mic / Issue 1079]

There are so many things in your magazine that are beautiful and positive and inspiring. But there are other things, ugly things, that keep finding their way into your stories and serials, on an exceedingly frequent basis. I’ve coined a term for a new genre in frum media: Frum Disturbing.

My teenage daughter looks forward to  Mishpacha every week, and yet she says she usually comes away disturbed and in a bad mood. And the clincher, that actually prompted me to write this letter, was the coverline on your Rosh Hashanah edition, appearing in all caps: “My ex turned my kids against me. Until I became a mother they could come back to.”

That is certainly not something I want my family to be reading about. It feels like something that belongs on the back page of a secular publication, not in a publication for impressionable, sensitive (and sheltered!) Torah Jews who greatly value middos tovos.

Yes, I know that this story is intended to be a positive story about someone’s growth through challenge — but there has to be a way where you can share inspiring stories of overcoming challenge without featuring frum people doing horrible, disgusting things to each other. It’s the way of secular media to put sensational stories front and center, but it’s not our way. We can stand against the tide.

A Concerned Husband, Father, and Fellow Yid

Path to the Soul [Standing Ovation / Issue 1079]

Those who remember Professor Green and the Simcha Machine will know how the machine played “Teshuvah, tefillah, tzedakah, blow the shofar tooo tooo tooo!”

While reading Dovid Golding’s lovely column, I was reminded about the special responsibility a baal tefillah carries, and the time  I learned this personally. After Covid, my son, who lives in Toronto, set up a backyard minyan in his neighborhood, and  invited people who would not really go to proper shul services. One year we came  to visit for the Yamim Noraim, and my son asked me to serve as the baal tefillah for Yom Kippur. Having learned the nusach from my dear father (who sang in the Modzhitzer choir in Lodz), I based my davening on his nusach and added in a few more modern melodies.

After we finished Ne’ilah, an Israeli fellow approached me. He told me that while he isn’t a shul-goer, hearing the tefillos, with everyone singing along, had very much inspired him.  He just sat there bringing all that joy into his soul.

Let us pray we can indeed give HaMelech Basadeh a standing ovation this Yom Tov.

Uncle Velvel, Educator and Entertainer

Australia

Larger than Life Partner [Growing Up Greenwald / Issue 1076]

The feature about Rabbi Ronnie Greenwald was fascinating. I feel compelled to give a heartfelt shout-out to his eishes chayil, Mrs. Miriam Greenwald — a brilliant and extraordinary woman whose support and partnership in his many projects enabled him to become the remarkable person he was. She is an exemplary matriarch of this extraordinary family, inspiring all who know her.

As a young Monsey girl, I remember how she seemed larger than life. We had many opportunities to meet her, as she was a close friend of my mother. She was the initiator and producer, as well as the star performer, of The Sound of Music, presented for the benefit of the community. It was staged with great professionalism and gave Monsey’s many gifted women a chance to shine.

She also organized a memorable farewell luncheon for our family at YSV when we made aliyah, even writing playful farewell lyrics for each of us to perform. This was my first time singing for a large audience with a sound system, and with her encouragement — despite my shyness — she was the first to give me the confidence that I could do it. She remains an inspiration to us all.

This was years before her annual trips to Israel, where she organized concerts performed by the students of Meohr Seminary, headed by her esteemed son, Rabbi Zecharia Greenwald.

Over the years, many of the Greenwald children have touched countless people, including my own family, at different phases of our lives, in so many meaningful ways. Rabbi Greenwald accomplished so much for Klal Yisrael, and it’s truly heartwarming to see how his family continues his legacy so beautifully.

Naomi Knobel (Oppenheimer), Singer, Songwriter
Jerusalem

A Roof Over Their Heads [The Current / Issue 1076]

Thank you for your magazine, from which I derive enjoyment every week. Special shout-out for the articles about Rabbi Wein and Rabbi Gurwitz, people who I could, would, and should have known but didn’t.

I am writing concerning the recent article by Binyamin Rose, “High Interest in Lower Rates,” in which he discusses the role of interest rates within the economy and the relationship between the heads of state and officers of the bank.

I personally think that the article avoided an extremely important point — in fact, a crisis of epic proportions that requires attention in its own right — the housing shortage in Eretz Yisrael, and the absolute negligence of the government in this respect.

While interest rates obviously play a part in economics — on the one hand allowing more money in the economy and encouraging trade, and on the other hand driving up inflation — this is only true if one starts with a robust economy, including both sales and services, and a healthy job market.

The Israeli economy, however, is simply limited by the unbelievable cost of housing and shelter — which is ultimately expressed in the price of milk and bread, because, after all, the makolet needs to pay its rent or mortgage.

At the heart of this crisis, there are thousands of young native Israeli families, as well as Yiddish-speaking chassidim, who have chosen to emigrate; thousands of English-speaking litvish yungeleit who learn in Eretz Yisrael for a number of years, but have to shelve their dreams of living here long-term due to unreasonable rent prices; thousands of middle-aged professionals in every city from Los Angeles to Antwerp, from Montreal to Melbourne, who would love to retire here, but can’t afford to buy anything reasonable in Eretz Yisrael even after selling their property abroad; and likely in the future, tens of thousands of young chayalim, having finished duty, wandering around the world — from Thailand to Peru — with no economic future in Eretz Yisrael.

And, as Yonason Rosenblum regularly reminds us, Israel is the only OECD country with a serious reproduction rate, which baruch Hashem serves to stretch the very, very limited resources.

And all of this has nothing to do with interest rates, or even tariffs — it is simply the government’s negligence. Alongside the duty of ensuring security for its citizens, the government has a responsibility to enable people to put a roof over their heads. What is desperately needed is literally tens of thousands of apartments — alongside serious transportation improvements to make them accessible. Additionally, cutting back on bureaucracy for foreigners, both new olim and spouses of citizens, and making it that much easier to receive working visas, would all go a long way to actually enable thousands of Yidden to call our land home.

YMG

Deliberate Lifestyle Choice [Open Mic / Issue 1074]

Much has already been written in response to Mr. Rosenblatt’s Open Mic submission on “guilt-assuaging giving.” As the wife of another “Motti,” I’d like to share with Mr. Rosenblatt what I would have hoped would have been apparent: that we as a kollel family are intentional about our decisions and grateful and humbled by the opportunity to live our lives centered around Torah. We did not fall into this by accident and we are not financially irresponsible; this is a life that we actively choose every day and we are grateful for the many moving parts that intersect with siyata d’Shmaya to make it happen.

Yes, I work full-time, and I am grateful for my job, for my koach, and for my own distaste of the “every detail curated, every item whispering comfort” luxury-seeking culture. No, we do not receive financial support from any family members and yes, we do balance our budget, baruch Hashem.

To be honest, I didn’t notice our “cracked Formica” table until you pointed it out, and the feeling when I find chicken cutlets on sale is definitely not pride. I may be grateful to have found a chicken option at a cheaper rate, but pride is reserved for meaningful accomplishments, and finding chicken cutlets doesn’t quite rank.

Please don’t view lomdei Torah and their wives as negligent or backed into a financial corner. My bright, talented, menschlich husband has opted to pursue the highest calling available to mankind, and it is a zechus to be an eizer kenegdo to an avreich, not an endless drag of financial misery.

“Motti’s” Wife

Loneliness Is Real [Inbox / Issue 1066]

As a nation of compassion, we have an organization for every imaginable purpose and cause. Still, I feel compelled to raise awareness of a population whose situation may have been publicized, but not sufficiently.

Too many of our neighbors, friends, and even relatives are alone. We must make a heartfelt effort to invite our fellow Jews into our homes, especially before Yamim Tovim. Picture yourself looking at the calendar and wondering where to go for all these upcoming seudahs!

I’ve heard from quite a few people that they would rather sit by themselves than have to ask others if they can join a Shabbos or Yom Tov meal. That’s not okay. We can do better and we can start now.

Reach out to the single father in shul that doesn’t have his children for Yom Tov or the older single girl around the corner whose family lives out of town.

Extending a general invitation (i.e.”You’re always welcome”) is too open-ended. Many people struggle with this perception of being a burden, and it’s incumbent upon us to be mindful and sensitive to them!

No one should ever understand that feeling of loneliness, but it’s real. The depth of despair that can pull a person down, especially while everyone around them seems consumed with family and festivities, is frightening.

Let’s not assume it’s someone else’s responsibility or that it’s easier for someone else to do this mitzvah.

In the merit of us caring for others, may Hashem show extra care for each and every one of us.

Name Withheld

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1081)