“When offered DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) and DNI (Do Not Intubate) forms, do not sign unless reviewed and approved by a rav”

Family Asset [Guestlines / Issue 1075]

My husband and I have had frequent conversations on this bizarre phenomenon of people not actively looking for a family rav, and so I was thrilled to see the well-thought-out article authored by Rabbi Moshe Walter last week.

Our rav has been a part of our lives ever since my husband was a young guy and fairly new to yeshivah. When we were dating, the rav took the time to sit with us — young and starry-eyed as we were — to discuss the future we envisioned with each other, and then spent a lot of time listening and advising based on our histories and goals.

From literally that point until now, and may it continue for a very long time, he has been our halachic guide, mentor, life advisor… you name it. We have asked literally thousands of questions on every topic under the sun, and he always answers with thought and understanding because he knows us. He’s guided us patiently through issues pertaining to chinuch, shalom bayis, finances, community, and the list goes on and on. Our relationship with Hashem has deepened and strengthened in every single way and that is largely in his zechus.

Our rav has challenged us and gently pushed us out of our comfort zone. He has been steadfast in his commitment to our family, and we have tremendous hakaras hatov to him and his entire beautiful family for their constant mesirus nefesh. We are acutely aware that we are just one family of many around the globe who seek his particular guidance, and we have often wondered how he has time and headspace for us all. The only answer we’ve managed to come up with is that he simply doesn’t sleep.

Like the author mentioned, we have an incredible sense of nachas when the kids are faced with dilemmas and immediately say, “Let’s ask the Rav.” They, too, have personal relationships with him and know that he is the address for their questions.

It’s impossible to know where or who we would be without his support over these many years, but one thing is certain: With such a leader, we have aspired to deeper and stronger Yiddishkeit, and for that we are eternally grateful. May he go from strength to strength.

A.H.

Steering Me to Safety [Voice of History / Issue 1075]

Many years ago, when I learned in Yeshiva Shaarei Torah, I was driving out of the yeshivah’s parking lot and lost control of the car, crashing into Bais Torah, the shul that shared a parking lot with the yeshivah. Baruch Hashem no one was hurt, but part of the front of the shul collapsed. The whole yeshivah saw what happened and I was thoroughly embarrassed, walking around for the next three days dazed and feeling devastated.

On the third day, Rabbi Wein called me into his office. He told me the insurance adjuster had inspected the damage and discovered that I had actually uncovered a weakness in the building and it may have eventually collapsed on its own. Now, he assured me, it would be repaired properly. He proceeded to explain to me about Hashgachah pratis and that unfortunate events in one’s life can be a blessing in disguise.

Looking back, I’m not sure it was true that the building was faulty (it certainly was not car-proof) but I believed it at the time. Rebbi’s reassurance did the trick and I snapped out of my gloominess.

After I left Shaarei Torah, unfortunately, I lost touch with Rebbi. Twenty-five years later I was in Eretz Yisrael and I went to daven in Rabbi Wein’s shul in Rechavia. After davening I went over to say hello and reintroduce myself.

“Do you remember me?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said. “Wachspress. Did you rent a car here?”

“Yes, I did,” I said, puzzled.

“Well, this shul is Jerusalem stone!” he retorted.

I remember Rabbi Wein telling us that our learning and experiences in any yeshivah would be like time-release medicine that we would draw on for a lifetime. Rebbi will continue to impact and guide us the rest of our lives.

Yehi zichro baruch.

Jonathan (Yogi) Wachspress

My Favorite Rabbi Wein Story [Voice of History / Issue 1075]

Thank you for the wonderful article about Rabbi Wein.

Long before I entered ninth grade in Shaarei Torah of Monsey more than 30 years ago, I had heard many lectures and stories from Rabbi Wein, whose tapes were usually playing when my father carpooled us to school. (It kept us quiet.) Rabbi Wein was fond of saying that although he couldn’t say for a fact that the story he was telling about a particular personage of history was true, the stories they say about Rabi Akiva Eiger are not the same stories they say about Napoleon, and the stories that are said about a person tell us a lot about who he was. In that vein, the following is my favorite Rabbi Wein story.

We were sitting in the beis medrash of the yeshivah, and in the middle of the shiur (the subject of which I can’t remember), Rabbi Wein pointed to the large wooden pillar that rose from the floor all the way to the ceiling, two stories up. He said that when the building was being planned, the contractor told him he was able to obtain special wooden pillars guaranteed to last 200 years.

While the project was still underway, another contractor, someone he had known personally from before, tried to dissuade him from using that pillar. “Rabbi Wein, that wood only has a 200-year guarantee. I can get you wood guaranteed to last 300 years.”

To which Rabbi Wein responded incredulously, “Do you think there are going to be Jews in Monsey in 200 years?”

An alumnus of Shaarei Torah of Monsey

The photo of Rabbi Berel Wein with Hanoch Teller that appeared on page 92 in Issue 1075 is credited to Chaim Snow. We regret the omission.

Pesach Invite [Pickle Boy to the Rescue / Issue 1075]

My entire family was thrilled to see your recent profile of Yaakov Bee, storyteller extraordinaire, and creator (or chronicler) of the famed Pickle Boy, whose adventures and exploits we are all intimately familiar with.

My children have at their fingertips a wealth of frum entertainment material — from magazines to comics to streaming stories to novels — yet perhaps none hold their attention and intrigue as Pickle Boy does. Bee’s storytelling skill, ability to construct thrilling plots, and the professionalism and drama of his recordings all make for a compelling, addictive listen. I was not surprised to see that Pickle Boy’s stories have been streamed over 2 million times; my own children are responsible for at least 1.4 million of those listens.

His popularity among wide swathes and strata notwithstanding, it seems that Bee may still doubt his level of fame, telling Mishpacha, “I’ll know we really made it when we get a free Pesach out of this.” Well, in that case... we would like to cordially extend an invitation to our home for next Pesach. What we may lack in heated pools and 24-hour tea rooms we make up for in sheer quantity of potato chips and avid listeners.

Thanks for all that you do to provide Klal Yisrael’s kids with quality kosher entertainment.

Name Withheld

Family Is Family [Screenshot / Issue 1074]

To my dear brave sisters,

We watch you from afar, as you struggle to juggle household responsibilities, small children, and your own tumultuous emotions, as your husbands return once again to war. Our hearts ache for your struggle, the mesirus nefesh of your husbands, and your bewilderment at how it could be that our men are not standing next to yours. We keep you in our tefillos, but we want to do more to share in your challenge.

There are so many women whose children are grown and who find themselves with time on their hands — and an opportunity to make a difference.

That’s what’s behind the idea of Savta LeKulam — a network of mature women committed to supporting mothers when their husbands are in miluim. Imagine the possibilities: a helping hand, a caring presence, help with childcare, managing the household, all the endless responsibilities that go into running a home.

We’ve set up an email address for both miluim moms and adoptive savtas to reach out and join us; contact us via Mishpacha.

There is so much driving us apart. We can all be the spark that brings us closer together.

Family is family, after all.

Shoshana Levy

Not a Self-Help Movement [Open Mic / Issue 1074]

I was disappointed in the article, “Let’s Turn Luxury into Lifelines.” Are we, as Jews, really meant to make “enjoying life” our main key performance indicator? Is our greatest aspiration guilt-free spiritual materialism? Do we give tzedakah simply to feel better about ourselves, or to boast that we “dropped $6,500 somewhere”?

We’ve lost sight of our true mission: to be a nation that serves as a light unto the nations, committed to bringing Hashem into this world.

Yes, tzedakah is vital and beautiful — but it must be distributed with purpose. Judaism is not a self-help movement or a feel-good brand; it is a covenantal mission. Tzedakah isn’t about assuaging guilt or polishing reputations, and Torah isn’t just a source of personal comfort. They are the vehicles through which we partner with Hashem to enact His vision.

So let’s be intentional. Let’s realign our metrics — not around how much joy or comfort we can extract, but around how much light we can bring. The question isn’t “How do I enjoy more guilt-free luxury?” but rather “How are my actions illuminating the world, making room for holiness to be seen, felt, and acknowledged?”

Elchanan J. David

Jerusalem

Let’s Get to the Root [Open Mic / Issue 1074]

I commend the man behind this initiative to give tzedakah proportionately to money spent on luxuries on his innovative idea. Thank you for seeing beyond the glitter and glam. But at the same time, I was left wondering.

You end your article saying, “We’ve built a generation of comfort and kavod. Now let’s build one of kavod haTorah.” But how is this building kavod haTorah? You have initiated a beautiful concept, but let me ask you: Doesn’t this simply justify and encourage increased luxury? Doesn’t it feed a thought process like: I can live extravagantly because I have contributed to something ruchani, and now anything over-the-top is okay?

Is it possible to address the unprecedented standards we are setting for ourselves? We are encouraging a lifestyle that is not sustainable for the majority of our communities. Our teenagers, our young couples, our middle-aged families are pushing for gashmiyus “needs” that are unattainable to most, creating stress and destroying shalom bayis. No one wants to be the “only one” not traveling, not hosting lavishly, not entertaining respectably, etc. Can we somehow address the levels of luxury being promoted today? Perhaps then we can truly build a generation of kavod haTorah the way it’s meant to be.

Name Withheld

Rabbinic Direction Is Mandatory [Perspectives / Issue 1068]

Over the past few weeks, there have been numerous letters in this magazine addressing the topic of hospice care and its appropriateness within the Orthodox Jewish community.

Before deciding whether a patient should be admitted to hospice, it is critical to first consult a knowledgeable rav. Once the decision is made that admitting the patient to hospice is appropriate, you need to be mindful that while hospice care can offer certain benefits, it can also present its own set of halachic challenges.

The rabbanim of Chayim Aruchim have formulated a set of halachic guidelines to help families understand what must be considered before making decisions about hospice care.

For instance, while pain relief is important, some medications may depress respiration and hasten death, which is prohibited by halachah. Similarly, nutrition and hydration must be provided to a patient in almost all cases. Infections and other treatable conditions should be treated. These are all areas where families must seek rabbinic input.

When offered DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) and DNI (Do Not Intubate) forms, do not sign unless reviewed and approved by a rav. Only the Halachic Medical Directive established by the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah (see the Chayim Aruchim website) should be signed.

The message is clear: Do not navigate this alone. Every case is different, and the stakes are too high to rely on generalized advice. The rabbanim of Chayim Aruchim are available to speak with families, physicians, and care teams to ensure that the patient’s care is both compassionate and halachically sound.

Rabbi Shmuel Lefkowitz

President, Chayim Aruchim

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1076)