“Sometimes it’s not that Hashem heard our tefillah and said no. It’s that He accepted the tefillah — but not necessarily for now”

Life Goes On [Screenshot / Issue 1071]

I enjoyed reading Shoshana Friedman’s thoughts on camp/school productions of yesteryear compared with today and Shmuel Botnick’s take on kumzitz as a writer. They both brought the taste of nostalgia.

I thank Mishpacha for including these types of articles in the magazine. They balance the other serious content on its pages representing the reality of the world we’re living in, and are a good and important reminder that life does go on.

Our kids, on whatever side of the ocean, are entitled to have normal childhood experiences, even in these tumultuous times. And as adults, it does us well to reflect on the normalcy we once knew, as that gives us a basis to give that over to our children as well. Let’s try and hold on as much as we can to the safety and security that we can provide and create happy, healthy memories for our children who are still growing up.

Judy Landman

Behind the Scenes [The Current / Issue 1071]

As a proud member of the Agudas Yisrael of America family, I’m frequently asked, “What exactly does the Agudah do in the seven and a half years between one Siyum HaShas and the next?” Another favorite question is, “Why should we support Agudas Yisrael?”

The past issue of Mishpacha highlighted two of the Agudah’s recent amazing projects, but neither provided insight into the decades of behind-the-scenes work that made them possible. Neither could have occurred without the day-in and day-out efforts of the Agudah’s devoted staff and the critical financial support of Klal Yisrael.

The Agudah’s Federal Advocacy Summit, where leading members of Congress took the time to celebrate the passage of the school choice provision and recognize the work of the tireless Agudah askanim and balabatim, is the fulfillment of the vision of Rabbi Moshe Sherer z”l to create a national network of representatives who developed these close relationships. It is their years-long, round-the-clock work (under the guidance of the leadership in the national office of the Agudah) with local and federal legislators, other agencies, and school-choice advocates that finally made school choice become the law of the land.

In 1988, the Agudah hosted its inaugural Agudas Yisrael Halachah Conference for physicians at the Marriott Hotel near LaGuardia Airport. This was followed by over 30 halachah conferences and events for lawyers, mental health professionals, accountants, entrepreneurs, and medical professionals. As the article stated, these annual conferences continue to be jam-packed with halachah, hashkafah, and hanhagah led by rabbanim who are experts in their fields. Several years ago, these Agudas Yisrael Halachah Conferences were rebranded as “H3.”

The London H3 didn’t happen in a vacuum. It is the result of years of experience and effort by talented Agudah staff members and dedicated balabatim, working together with members of the Council of Synagogue Rabbonim of Agudas Yisrael (founded in the 1980s), who assisted the London team in making this event successful.

Thank you for allowing me to fill in some of the blanks.

A Proud Agudist

Real People, Real Feelings [Face the Music / Issue 1070]

I’ve read many, many stories in many, many magazines. They’re usually the first thing I read. And I’ve never had the reaction I had last Shabbos afternoon, reading about Chaim’s gentle conversation with his son Shloimy in the forest (yes, these people are real to me).

The courage Chaim had, to meet his son where he was. The understanding that his kid was not bad, maybe a little weak and confused, not unlike he, his father, was. The honesty. The tension between mother and father to navigate the shock of learning their son has a secret life they knew nothing of. All of it, so painful, so real, so raw.

In my work I help parents navigate all kinds of crises. There’s usually one spouse who reacts like Perri — with fear, shock, and outrage — and one who gets it, like Chaim. Both are so human and understandable.

I actually put the magazine down mid-paragraph and cried, real tears rolling down my face, for all the parents who are confused, shocked and ashamed; and for all the kids, so misunderstood and lost.

Thank you for giving real faces to the feelings. You are an artist.

Ruchi Koval

Parent Coach

Tefillah Never Fails [Guestlines / Issue 1070]

I appreciated Rabbi Aryeh Kerzner’s article on tefillah — thank you for sharing it. His central message, which he quoted from the Maharsha, that tefillah is woven into the very fabric of the world, resonated deeply with me.

In fact, this idea is explicit in Chazal. Rashi on Bereishis (2:5) explains: “When Adam came and realized that rain was essential for the world, he davened for it — and then it fell, causing trees and vegetation to sprout.”

Rav Shimshon Pincus ztz”l, in his sefer She’arim B’Tefillah, explains this point. He writes that all the vegetation — the shrubs, trees, grass, flowers, and plants — was already present, hidden just beneath the surface. But it remained dormant until Adam davened. Only then did the rain come, and the earth burst into life. The takeaway? Even the greatest gifts from Hashem require tefillah to bring them into being. Because tefillah is simply part of the DNA of the world.

Thank you again for highlighting such a powerful concept.

Yoni Weinberg

Still Waiting, Still Praying [Guestlines / Issue 1070]

Thank you for sharing Rabbi Aryeh Kerzner’s article on tefillah. It brought to mind a powerful story that continues to strengthen my own emunah.

Nachshon Wachsman was a 19-year-old Israeli soldier kidnapped by Hamas terrorists in October 1994. His mother, Esther Wachsman, made a heartfelt plea to Klal Yisrael to daven for his safe return. The entire Jewish world united in prayer.

Tragically, Nachshon was killed by his captors during a failed rescue attempt.

In the aftermath, someone asked Esther Wachsman how she could reconcile her emunah with the fact that Hashem didn’t “answer” the tefillos. She famously replied: “Hashem did answer. He said no.”

That response became a symbol of deep faith and acceptance of Hashem’s will, even in heartbreak.

But I once heard Rabbi Frand add another layer: Sometimes it’s not that Hashem heard our tefillah and said no. It’s that He accepted the tefillah — but not necessarily for now. It may be answered later, or for your child, or your grandchild. Tefillah is so deeply embedded in the nature of the world that it always has an effect. It’s just not always in the way or the timing we imagined.

That message is a chizuk for me personally. I’ve been davening for a child for six years. And remembering that my tefillos are heard, that they do make an impact — even if I can’t yet see how — gives me strength to keep going.

A Woman in Pain Who Still Davens

Teshuvah Is Real [Open Mic / Issue 1070]

An open letter to Mordy Berkowitz:

Dear Mordy,

It is exceedingly rare to encounter a true baal teshuvah. The Rambam teaches that complete teshuvah occurs only when Hashem Himself could testify that the individual will never repeat the sin. Who among us can claim to have reached such a level with certainty?

Yet, anyone reading your article can clearly see that you have fulfilled all the essential components of teshuvah: heartfelt viduy (confession), deep regret, and a sincere, unwavering commitment never to repeat the misdeed.

For this reason, I must respectfully disagree with the title of your article, “Some Mistakes Can’t Be Undone.” While it is true that in the physical realm we cannot turn back time or undo what has already occurred, in the spiritual realm of Hashem’s reality, sincere teshuvah creates a spiritual rebirth and completely erases one’s past sins. As Rabbeinu Yonah writes, on the day a person does teshuvah he should view himself as if he were newly born.

This week’s parshah provides a beautiful, relevant insight into how Torah society is meant to treat individuals who have committed grave but unintentional acts. While some — such as a goel hadam (avenger of blood) — may seek harsh retribution, the Torah instructs us to protect and support the rotzeiach b’shogeg (unintentional killer) in multiple compassionate ways. These include establishing numerous arei miklat (cities of refuge), providing clear signposts to guide him there, appointing scholars to accompany him to dissuade the avenger from retaliation, and even commanding his rebbi to join him.

Significantly, the arei miklat were populated by the gentle and noble tribe of Levi, whose lives are steeped in Torah and Divine service. This was by design — to surround the unintentional killer with an uplifting, peaceful, and introspective environment. Chazal refer to a spiritually elevated person as a chaver. Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky explained that a talmid chacham is called a chaver because he embodies the qualities of an ideal friend. Similarly, Rav Shimon Schwab defines a chaver as someone to whom you feel safe confiding even your deepest flaws. The arei miklat were filled with such chaveirim, providing a community of compassion, support, and spiritual growth.

When addressing personal injury, the Torah famously states, “an eye for an eye.” Chazal, however, clarify that this phrase is not to be taken literally, but refers instead to monetary compensation — specifically, the amount by which the injured party’s market value would decrease were he to be sold as a slave. Why then does the Torah use such striking and seemingly misleading language? Perhaps the Torah seeks to emphasize the profound and irreversible nature of the harm caused. At the same time, it teaches that once the perpetrator has made full monetary restitution as required by halachah and sought forgiveness from the victim, the matter is considered resolved. The phrase “an eye for an eye” thus signals that justice has been served, and the case should no longer burden either the victim or the offender.

Your courageous and heartfelt article reflects your maturity, integrity, and deep commitment to growth and responsibility. I am confident that Hashem will bless you with abundant success in parnassah, avodas Hashem, zikui harabim, and in building a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael.

With admiration and support,

A Rav and fellow Yid

No Phones on the Road [Open Mic / Issue 1070]

I have never sent in a letter to the editor before. But the Open Mic piece about drinking and driving jolted me deeply, and I felt I needed to write in. Every shul, yeshivah, and neighborhood/family Purim gathering should post this article on the wall, come Purim time. Perhaps our yeshivos can share it with their bochurim.

I recall a traumatic incident from my hometown where a young teenager was tragically killed in a car accident where his equally young teenage friend was driving inebriated. I was not even related or closely connected to the family, but the incident shook the whole community and I remember it strongly to this day. I felt so pained for both the family of the bochur who was lost and the bochur who would have to live with the guilt of his unfortunate choice for the rest of his life. These incidents may be rare, but unfortunately, as Mordy Berkowitz bravely wrote, “it only takes one time.” Rachmana litzlan.

This also made me focus on something I myself can take from the article — and I think many of us can. Our cell phones are a dangerous distraction on the road. We never think it will happen to us, chas v’shalom. But Mordy’s incredibly heart-wrenching story begs us to pause and reflect: What if we each resolved to never use our phones while driving? If you need to touch it or avert your eyes from the road to use it, pull over. How many disasters would be averted each year if everyone who was sure “nothing will happen — it’s just for a second and I’m being careful” put aside their self-assured bravado and pulled over or ignored the phone instead?

It’s a scary thought.

Mordy, my heart breaks for you and your deeply affected future, as well as for the family and friends of the niftar and for the injured passenger. But your story has made me reflect and I hope it will have a deep impact on Klal Yisrael.

And to the baalei simchah and hosts, please: No more unnecessary alcohol at events where people will need to drive home! Be the brave one who doesn’t serve it. You may just save a life!

Name Withheld

Never Too Late to Graduate [The Moment / Issue 1070]

After reading the article “Grad at Last,” I remembered an incident that occurred at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles several years ago.  Inadvertently, the school had scheduled the law school graduation for Shavous, and there were six frum students who had to miss their graduation. The school was not able to change the graduation date, but made an effort to accommodate those students by holding a separate graduation for them.

The invited speaker at that graduation was Professor Aaron Twerski, and it turned out that Professor Twerski had also missed his graduation from Marquette Law School when graduation was held on Shavous that year. Loyola Law School surprised Professor Twerski by presenting him with a diploma from Marquette. I remember the occasion because I had the privilege of presenting that diploma to Professor Twerski.

Charlotte K. Goldberg

Professor Emerita, Loyola Law School, Los Angeles

Jewish Goal Setting [From the Top / Issue 1070]

Thank you, Gvira, for your insights on the importance of metrics and for mentioning OKR (objectives and key results) — an incredibly underutilized goal-setting method. Unlike KPIs (key performance indicators), which measure whether you’re on track to reach your goals, OKRs help you figure out how to reach them. I often refer to OKRs as the “Jewish goal-setting method” because they emphasize putting in maximum hishtadlus in one key area. When we focus our efforts on one major objective, b’derech hateva, results follow. I’ve seen this both in my work with NCSY and when supporting individuals and teams.

I also want to explain why I often recommend OKRs over EOS (the entrepreneurial operating system). The main reason? Simplicity. Whether I’m teaching a workshop on innovation or running a summer camp, simplicity is a defining factor in whether a project succeeds. Systems that rely on endless meetings and convoluted frameworks often create more problems than they solve.

EOS has become very popular — teams of all sizes are buying in, hoping its structure will fix their operations. But in my experience, what they gain in procedures, they lose in time. Do we really need KPIs, rocks, and a V/TO (Vision/Traction Organizer) at a Level 10 weekly meeting to make progress? Sometimes, a simple Google Sheet will do. As with innovation, less is often more. Set an objective, define the efforts that will get you there, and measure those. Flashy systems may look impressive, but they can create unnecessary backlog and inefficiency.

At the end of the day, no matter what method you use — even if it’s just pen and paper — writing down your goal, solidifying it, and outlining the steps to reach it will give you a serious edge.

Meira Spivak

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1072)