“We can’t control how many days we’re given. But as the Rambam reminds us, we are very much responsible for how we spend them”

Wake-Up Call in the Supermarket [Outlook / Issue 1069]

Yonoson Rosenblum’s piece on Michael Kaufman’s Am I My Body’s Keeper? was a much-needed wake-up call — and perhaps more than that, a mirror. Like many readers, I found myself nodding uncomfortably at the description of Erev Shabbos shopping carts piled high with sugar bombs and processed fare. It’s not a critique; it’s a reality.

We don’t hesitate to research the best chinuch, the most mehudar esrog, or the right hechsher for our takeout dinners — yet we blindly feed our families foods that slowly sabotage our ability to serve Hashem with energy, clarity, and joy.

Kaufman’s daily regimen is extreme for most of us — but his core message isn’t. A brisk walk, a handful of almonds instead of rugelach, one less soda.

We can’t control how many days we’re given. But as the Rambam reminds us, we are very much responsible for how we spend them.

Goldy Reich, Monsey

Editors’ Note: Michael Kaufman can be contacted through Mishpacha.

Untapped Resource [Screenshot / Issue 1069]

As usual, Shoshana Friedman has written a very insightful article about Mamdani’s success due mainly to the huge support he received among the misguided youth of New York City.

It behooves the Orthodox community to take note of this and do all we can to halt this anti-Semite’s progress. Over the past 70 years, New York City has seen a tremendous amount of growth in the Orthodox community.  We have built multitudes of shuls, schools, and organizations, and created vibrant communities throughout the tristate area that are all being threatened now with the possible election of Mamdani as mayor. We must ensure that our infrastructure remains strong and standing.

We therefore must resolve to muster our own army of young people.  There are tens of thousands of youngsters in our community, ranging from the very chassidish to the modern Orthodox, who are not yet registered voters. It is imperative for all parents, principals, roshei yeshivah, and mechanchos to unite in an all-out effort to have this population registered and encouraged in the strongest way to vote. I beseech all those in our community and educational institutes who have the wherewithal and influence to organize a vital grassroots movement that will facilitate and enable our youngsters to register and show up at the voting booths.

While ultimately all is in the Ribbono shel Olam’s hands, we still have the choice to fight the good fight.  We have earned the right to vote, a right not always granted to the Jewish people throughout the millennia.  Let us encourage all who can, young and old, to implement that precious right, and then hope and pray for the best.

Bracha Spira

Brooklyn, NY

Seeing It in Action [Grab the Chance / Issue 1069]

It was a delight to see Steve Savitsky, someone I’m proud to consider a dear chaver and a mentor, featured on the cover of Mishpacha. Steve’s life accomplishments (so far!) go beyond what as many as five people might achieve in a lifetime — and he’s still going strong.

I have my own Kan Tzipor story with Mr. Savitsky. One day, seemingly out of the blue, Steve — whom I only knew of and admired from afar, but had never previously spoken to — called and invited me to meet him at his office at the OU. Flattered, I eagerly accepted.

When we met, he shared that he had been a Partners in Torah mentor for over ten years — surprising, considering how much he was already doing for the tzibbur — and that he had been watching Partners in Torah’s evolution over the years with great interest. He said he considered it one of the most impactful and cost-effective initiatives for Klal Yisrael. That was wonderful to hear — but what he said next is what floored me.

He said that if I wanted, he could help in three ways: He could help raise money, he could help recruit mentors, and, if I thought it would be useful, he’d be willing to join our board. It took me all of two seconds to respond: Yes, yes, and yes. True to his word, Steve joined our board, eventually becoming our chairman. He helped raise significant funds and recruited over a thousand mentors through his public speaking.

Steve is a rare blend of askan and anav, a bold thinker and a humble doer, the kind of person whose greatest impact happens without fanfare, simply because he cares. The cover story captured much of that, and for those of us lucky enough to know him personally, it was deeply gratifying to see him recognized.

Rabbi Eli Gewirtz
International Director of Partners in Torah, a division of Aish HaTorah

Epic Epilogue [Shul with a View / Issue 1069]

Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman’s articles are one of my favorite features of the magazine. His stories are truly in a class of their own. Beyond being a gifted storyteller, Rabbi Eisenman is one of those rare individuals whose life is continuously shaped by extraordinary experiences. His stories are rich with deep insight and genuine inspiration.

I especially appreciated the epilogue about Reb Yankel, the Yid from American Dream who needed a Minchah minyan. It powerfully illustrates how, through warmth and kindness, a person’s heart and mind can open to embrace different Torah-based perspectives.

Thank you for continuing to share his work.

Y.G.
Melbourne, Australia

Support During the Hardest Times [Perspectives / Issue 1068]

I’m writing in response to the article written by Dr. Daniel Berman. I am sure that Dr. Berman’s experiences with end-of-life care are real and thus appear very concerning.

I’d like to share my experience over the last eight years working as the director of Jewish Hospice and Palliative Care in Baltimore.

Most of our Jewish hospice patients live at home and have the joy of sitting at their own Shabbos table surrounded by their family. Our hospice team supports them through this time. Often, they are provided with hydration and nutrition and start feeling better while in hospice care.

Recently, we had the zechus to care for an incredible Bais Yaakov teacher on home hospice, enabling her to teach until a few weeks before she was nifteres, all while receiving nine transfusions throughout the time. While sitting at the shivah house, I was amazed how much gratitude the large family showered on the incredibly humble hospice nurse who literally supported their mother, helped her live longer, and have a greater quality of life, teaching everyday while on hospice. Yes, I said quality of life.

I know that we as frum people do not give the same value to “quality of life” as the secular world does. Our team even shies away from using that phrase when speaking with patients and families in an effort to build trust that we operate with utmost respect for Jewish values.

Recently, I was on a Zoom call with a hospitalist and a chashuv frum family discussing hospice and palliative care options for their beloved father. The hospitalist, whom I didn’t know, used the phrase “quality of life” and I worried that the family would not trust that his goals aligned with theirs. I paused the conversation and shared with him that we as Orthodox Jews shy away from sole focus on “quality of life,” being as we believe that we are comprised of a mortal body and an eternal soul. He immediately thanked me for sharing this perspective and apologized to the family for his potential wrong usage of words. His modesty was unparalleled, and he reached out to me the following day to learn more about the many cultural considerations necessary to take into account while caring for Orthodox Jewish patients.

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with Dr. Berman that gone are the days when a patient’s private doctor would follow the case in a thorough way. The default expectation should be that hospitalists don’t know you or your values. However, the hospitalists are here to stay. We can and should take the opportunity to educate and share the values, traditions, and rituals that we have been observing for thousands of years. We should recognize that there will be tension and that is okay. We can support the hospitalists with education and by offering them direct conversations with a rav so our ideals can be supported by those who represent our mesorah.

From my experience, specifically because we have hospitalists, our palliative care team is so important. They have time to sit with the patient and family and help them understand their disease and discuss options in a holistic, collaborative approach.

I could share many stories of patients who felt better after hospice care had managed their symptoms and pain. They were able to leave hospice (with blessings from the hospice team) for a period of time, while ultimately coming back to hospice for their final journey. We have the great zechus to help people live until they die.

The benefits of hospice are not just for the patient. We care for the entire family. While at a shivah house for a patient, I marveled that sitting along with me in the front row were the chaplain, rabbi, nurse, hospice aid, social worker, and physical therapist. That is six hospice team members who were caring for this holy woman. As each person came in to be menachem avel, one of the daughters kept introducing the hospice team and sharing how amazing the support was for her, her mother, and the entire family. It felt like a commercial for hospice.

While I realize different states have different rules, everything we do is in compliance with hospice regulations. We are able to think creatively and out of the box, and our medical director believes in care that is personal and respects Jewish law. I believe that humility, respect, and collaboration are the keys to good Jewish hospice care. We have had the great zechus to care for so many leaders in our community. So many of our grateful frum clients offer themselves as references for prospective patients and their families to hear firsthand how supportive the hospice team was.

I have sat with Chaim Aruchim at the CHEMED conference over the last two years and have shared the incredible zechus we have to be able to provide hospice through a halachic pathway, supporting our patients with nutrition, hydration, antibiotics, and respiratory support as appropriate.

Humility is key. Instead of viewing this as an “us versus them,” let’s take the opportunity to educate our fellow clinicians and collaborate together. B’ezras Hashem, we’ll be able to help incredible people who value life so much to live until their very last breath.

May we support each other with kindness, humility, and strength.

Chaya Lasson, RN

Director, Jewish Hospice & Palliative Care, BridgingLife

DNR Can Kill [Perspectives / Issue 1068]

Dr. Daniel Berman recently wrote about the association between DNR (do not resuscitate) orders and a decrease in patient care. As a physician for the past 25 years in hospital and emergency medicine I can attest to the fact that patients with DNR orders get sub-optimal care.  This was true 25 years ago and truer today.

When I was a resident in internal medicine, the medical director of the program told us that he never classifies his patients as DNR because it leads to poorer care. Several years ago, I had this discussion with a group of hospital nurses and they all denied giving poorer care to patients with DNR orders.  However, later, in private, the charge nurse told me that she herself has seen how a DNR order changes the care for the worse. Many times, I have met resistance from ICU doctors when I tried to transfer a very sick patient from the regular hospital floor to the ICU, because the patient had a DNR order.

Unfortunately, a DNR order can kill a patient.  Never agree to a DNR order unless done in conjunction with a rabbi experienced in these matters, and then only if there is a designated person advocating for the patient on a daily basis.

Reuven Warshell, MD

Why We Still Give Chocolates [Perspectives / Issue 1068]

Last Friday, we were navigating a challenging case involving a very sick patient. The family was desperate for another opinion from an infectious disease
specialist. I reached out to Dr. Daniel Berman, and — despite his packed schedule — he somehow made time to speak with the family. As I came home to wrap up the week, I opened Mishpacha and saw the article written by Dr. Berman. What Hashgachah — how bashert!

Although navigating medicine today comes with increasing challenges, especially when our values are out of sync with the system, there are things families can do:

1. Connect with an organization that will advocate for you and can tap into a network of frum specialists who can review the case. (Shout-out to our tireless patient liaison and advocate, Mrs. Shoshie Klein.)
2. Never, ever leave a patient alone.
3. And yes — bring chocolates to the nurses and staff.

Thank you to Dr. Berman and the many frum doctors who are always there for our community, and to the incredible organizations who stand beside patients every step of the way.

Aryeh Leib Joseph, Executive Director, Bikur Cholim of Cleveland

Not Just Chabad [You’re in the Army Now / Issue 1068]

We were pleased to see the article on Chaplain Egert and other Jews in the US military, and even happily surprised to see a picture of myself with SSgt Ben Craig. However, we would like to correct the record regarding statements made about the Aleph Institute’s endorsement of military chaplains.

The article said that “Aleph Institute primarily works with Chabad,” and “has a rule that all chaplains have Chabad beards.” Both of these statements are factually untrue. As the largest Orthodox military chaplain endorsing agency, we endorse 35 of the 88 Jewish chaplains in the US military. Seventeen of our endorsees — nearly half — are not Chabad; they come from litvish, Sephardi, modern Orthodox, and other streams of Orthodox Judaism. We even proudly endorse one Coast Guard Auxiliary chaplain who has a Satmar background.

Aleph’s endorser, Rabbi Sanford Dresin, a retired US army chaplain with a record of 27 years of active-duty service in addition to several decades serving as a rav of a modern Orthodox shul in Wilmington, Delaware, is himself not a Chabad chassid, nor does he have a Chabad beard. No rule regarding beards exists, as can be seen in Aleph’s Chaplain’s Code of Conduct, which delineates the behavior we expect of our chaplains. Our expectation is that the chaplain follows the halachic standard of his community.

Rabbi Elie Estrin

Executive Assistant to the Endorser; Military Personnel Liaison; Chief Editor, The Jewish-American Warrior

Can We Chuck the Chats? [Inbox / Issue 1067]

The letter about the ills of class chats that are open sesame to lashon hara and other transgressions left me so perturbed that I brought it up for discussion with different people. All wondered what realistically can be done about it.

One preschool director bemoaned the fact that she knows the parent body in her school sometimes falls into this muddy pit, but her hands are tied when it comes to doing something about it. Can she become a snoop to find out who is posting and what they are posting? And then what would be the follow-up? What action would discourage it from happening again? Another acquaintance shared that her daughter’s school forbids class chats totally. If they find out that one was created, they reach out to the parents to inform them it is against school policy and force them to close it down.

Although the no-chat policy is ideal, it may sound too overreaching to some. One friend came up with a solution: Perhaps along with the tuition and technology forms, parents would have to sign a form that makes them aware of the tragedy of posting negative comments about a teacher/principal on a class chat, and commit to upholding the Torah’s directives. Perhaps this will make them think twice before hitting that keyboard.

I’d love to hear the justification from the parents who post negative comments (I wonder if they are the type to read Mishpacha?) and also from other people who have better solutions to stop this anti-Torah public maligning of our mechanchim.

Name Withheld

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1070)