“The lessons have never been more real!” the girls say, as their teachers address the matzav

 Trump Has Israel’s Back  [Inbox / Issue 1065]

It seems the recent Inbox letter accusing President Trump of being nothing more than a backstabbing, money-hungry dictator did not age very well. President Trump has once again proven that he has the State of Israel’s back.

Makes me wonder how a Biden administration would have reacted to Israel’s attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities. I can’t imagine President Biden tweeting that what Israel is doing is “EXCELLENT!” Or warning the Iranians that if they don’t come to the negotiating table then “there would be nothing left” of them.

May Hashem continue to protect Eretz Yisrael from our enemies, and may He bless President Trump with wisdom and moral clarity to guide our great nation.

Esther Goldy Breier

Brooklyn, NY

It Can Be Done [Inbox / Issue 1065]

To the woman looking to figure it out,

From your letter, I can see clearly that you are proud of and committed to your kollel lifestyle, trying to figure out how to make it work for as long as possible, despite the increasing financial challenges.

Every situation is unique and it’s hard to speak to a couple I know little to nothing about, but I do know many self-supporting kollel couples (also mainly in the Kew Gardens Hills community) and as a financial coach, I do believe it’s possible for a couple to achieve the financial goals they are committed to.

Among many of the learning couples I know, the husband takes on small jobs can be done during bein hasedorim or bein hazmanim to contribute to the family’s income, including tutoring or leining to name just two.

If working full-time out of the house conflicts with your commitment to being available for your children during those times, perhaps a small home business, freelance work, or an evening job can help fill some of the gap.

The key to personal finance is realizing that we all have values and understanding how those values interconnect, relate, and sometimes conflict with one another.

When we face that conflict, we need to try and think out of the box for a workaround or creative strategy that enables us to meet our financial goals while staying true to our values.

There are many organizations that provide financial coaching and education for families, including Mesila, RSK, and Living Smarter Jewish, to name a few.

Wishing you and your husband much hatzlachah as you continue to work toward your goals and may you be zocheh to financial stability as you continue to put your Torah and family values first and foremost.

Chana Striks

Ancient Hatred [Something About Those Jews/ Issue 1066]

Yonoson Rosenblum’s eye-opening article traces Hitler’s hate of Bnei Yisrael to “Matan Torah, the greatest disrupting event.” While Matan Torah definitely was a major impetus for anti-Semitism, Hitler’s hate traces back to even earlier times.

In The Voice of Destruction (Putnam, 1940) Hermann Rauschning records Hitler as saying, “There cannot be two Chosen People. We are G-d’s people.” (p.241)

“Has it not struck you how the Jew is the exact opposite of the German in every single respect, and yet is as closely akin to him as a blood brother?” (p.238)

When Yitzchak gave Yaakov the brachos, Eisav cried out “an exceedingly great and bitter cry,” and “raised his voice and wept.” This successful 63-year-old man realized that the blessings were not the irrelevant words of a dying father but would influence human history to the end of time: Yaakov is irrevocably the ancestor of G-d’s people. “Vayistom Eisav es Yaakov.” This hate has been transmitted throughout the generations for over 3,500 years.

Another quote of Hitler’s is also quite revealing:

“When over long periods of human history I scrutinized the activity of the Jewish people, suddenly there arose up in me the fearful question whether inscrutable Destiny, perhaps for reasons unknown to us poor mortals, did not, with eternal and immutable resolve, desire the final victory of this little nation.” (Mein Kampf, p.64)

“Verav yaavod tza’ir!”

Did Hitler study Chumash Bereishis?

Yosef Eisen

Lakewood, NJ

As Real as It Gets [Screenshot / Issue 1065]

Shoshana Friedman’s heartfelt piece addressing the departing seminary girls was the perfect letter… for those who said goodbye. Hundreds of girls who attended the handful of American seminaries that planned to remain open for just another week have not gotten to say goodbye yet. They are missing siblings’ weddings, job interviews, family simchahs, and much more.

My daughter had a fantastic year, full of learning, growth, fun, and cultivating new friendships with awe-inspiring girls from around the world.

Yet, her “favorite week of seminary” began with the bombing of Iran.

“It’s real now,” the masterful mechanchos told the girls. “We’ve prepped you for this all year and now’s the test, the final we couldn’t have written.” Life isn’t going as planned and it’s stressful, overwhelming, sad, scary, and confusing. The girls don’t know how or when they’ll be able to go back to their homes and families.

As the IDF spent many months prepping for this attack of epic proportions, the seminary girls had their heads in their seforim, learning emunah and bitachon and all about rising to challenges. They spent months at the Kosel and mekomos kedoshim, davening for koach in tough times yet to come.

Now, with the seminary morahs and rebbeim at their sides, they face the challenge together and learn, in real time, what it means to believe and trust Hashem, open their eyes to daily nissim, daven for all of Klal Yisrael, and overcome middos that can make a situation like this more trying.

“The lessons have never been more real!” the girls say, as their teachers address the current matzav. They’ve relearned the midrashim about Milchemes Gog u’Magog and which parts are parallel to our current events. Pointed, powerful questions emerge in this new context.

The teachers stay late to schmooze, answering questions and addressing fears and concerns. The questions about hishtadlus, bitachon, makom sakanah, and chevlei Mashiach are tangible… and the answers are so much more meaningful and impactful. The girls can almost track their growth from one red alert to the next, “redrawing an internal vision of what is possible.”

The chesed has never been more real either, as girls volunteer to help their teachers who are juggling numerous bored and overtired children at home. They’re not clocking in and out for chesed hours; they’re joining their role models in the trenches and watching how they handle a crisis. They’re rolling up their sleeves to cook and sponja, and hunkering down during red alerts with toddlers who have never known any other life.

The teachers are staying late to give the girls extra TLC and it’s being soaked in, cementing relationships that were cultivated tentatively over the past many months.

There’s nowhere to run after class; the Kosel is off limits, friends from other seminaries have already left, and school instructions are to stay within 15 minutes of the dorm. The seminary vibe of, “Where should we go? What should we do?” is gone, as the girls learn to stay put, live in the moment, absorb the present, and just “be” with each other. What a consummate marriage class.

If this was a Shemittah year, then this is the Shemittah week… so different than the rest of the year and not sustainable on a permanent basis. Yet, these girls were given the unbelievable gift of staying at “the last stop” for just a little longer, as they segue into the next stage of life. Classes are optional and the teachers refer to the girls as alumni instead of students, and turn to them to plan the Shabbos program. And they can still plop down in a circle and sing.

These girls were just given the ultimate gift of a bonus shot that will propel them, so long, so hard, and so deep.

The fear is real. The challenge is real. And the lessons are SO real.

Tremendous yasher koach to Mrs. Tarshish, Mrs. Arieli, and the entire Masores Rochel staff for keeping their dorms and kitchens and hearts open to all our girls!

Rochel Levy

The Girls Who Aren’t Home [Screenshot / Issue 1065]

Yes, most of the seminary girls have left Yerushalayim. But not all. Five seminaries had departure dates scheduled for the third week of June. But Hashem had a different idea.

When the email from El Al came Monday morning, telling us her Thursday flight was canceled, it didn’t really come as a surprise, not after the nights interrupted by sirens, the daytime semi-quarantine, and the apocalyptic headlines. But for those fortunate enough to be compelled by Hashgachah to spend more time than they had planned in Eretz Hakodesh, this experience might just be the capstone of the seminary year.

My daughter and her friends are being forced to engage with the concept of Hashgachah pratis on an intimate and personal level. They are learning about the illusion of control, that we never truly have control. They are working to internalize kol mah de’avid Rachmana letav avid, that Hashem doesn’t make mistakes, and they are exactly where they were meant to be. They — and we in America — are reevaluating the meaning of “home,” pondering the profound truth that nobody is “stuck” in Eretz Yisrael, and that it is we who are “stuck” in America.

Contemplating the nevuos that predict people scurrying into caves and hiding places before the advent of Mashiach (see Yeshayah 2:19), we tell my daughter that just maybe, she was zocheh. Maybe Hashem chose her to have a front row seat to the Geulah, and maybe it will be she greeting us as we arrive home.

Suri Cohen

Monsey, NY

This Is Why [True Account / Issue 1064]

As someone passionate about reading mental health pieces, I gravitate toward all such articles, and Hashgachah had me reading the True Account just when I had had a tough week and needed a little chizuk.

Reading about the narrator’s experiences, my mind was screaming: This is what Chazkeinu does; this is why they host their numerous projects and programs; this is why I cocreate their almost-daily chizuk emails.

THIS. IS. OUR. WHY!

For the togetherness, for the camaraderie, for the mutual feelings of support, and the “we-get-it” environment.

Our projects and programs are a lifeline for our Chazkeinu sisters, part of this incredible organization that supports Jewish women facing mental health challenges. Each Zoom and phone meeting, each chizuk email, supports them and proves that they are not alone, conveying that they have a whole cheerleading squad available to cheer them on when they feel they just can’t do it anymore.

Thank you to the author for reigniting my passion and enthusiasm for my work within Chazkeinu. This is why we do what we do!

Saralah

Slippery Slope [Open Mic / Issue 1064]

Rabbi Moshe Dov Heber’s Open Mic piece was a powerful reminder that children hear what we say about their schools. I also want to impress upon parents how important it is to take it a step further. Joining a class chat that shares more than purely factual information is embarking on a slippery slope. Children manage to see things (like texts) even when we think our phones are off-limits to them. And even if they never get to see the negative comments or reproach of the hanhalah/teacher/rebbi with their eyes, I am a firm believer that they sense it with their hearts. (And this is besides the gravity of transgressing hilchos shemiras halashon.)

I picked up on how normal this behavior has become when reading an article in these pages about a rebbi who may have overstepped the boundaries between himself and his talmid. In depicting the story, the writer quotes the student’s mother as thinking, I wondered what Rabbi Ginsberg’s reputation was. I checked the class chat first. There was nothing but praise and excitement.

It was clear that the mother expected parents to post negative comments.

Then came another line, again from the mother, again showing us what must be accepted practice on these class chats. In her words, I wasn’t going to join in with some half-baked story about an expensive prize and a behavior chart. It would just seem like I was looking for problems. She doesn’t mention a word about the Torah’s halachos of shemiras halashon, just her concern about her self-image.

This nonchalant mention of a class chat where doors are open wide to rechilus and lashon hara pained me deeply. Being a rebbi and morah is difficult enough; I can’t imagine being one in a school where parents have a medium for their complaints and negative comments. I wonder why schools don’t ban it.

I hope Mishpacha will continue to be on the forefront of inspiration and hadrachah with articles like Rabbi Heber’s that discourage parents from sounding off in front of their children, and also keep comments like this mother made out of stories so that we don’t become desensitized to the gravity of such behavior.

Name Withheld

Abbas Aren’t Papa Bears [The Kichels / Issue 1064]

While I really enjoy your publication, I was disappointed by a recent cartoon in which Mrs. Kichel was rambling about her end-of-year responsibilities while her husband stood by holding a coffee, passively nodding. I understand that wasn’t the focus of the strip, but it’s not the first time I’ve noticed portrayals that don’t reflect the role of a respectful, involved husband — or the “king of the Jewish home.”

It reminds me of why some families avoid the Berenstain Bears books — because the father is often made to look foolish. From a kosher publication, we expect better.

Men, if your wife or daughter is sharing her worries, here’s an acronym for real support: LOVE — Listen, Offer Validation, Empathize.

Listen: Be fully present. Put down your phone, coffee, favorite magazine... and look her in the eye.

Offer Validation: Acknowledge her feelings. Say things like, “That does sound really stressful.”

Empathize: Show care. “I can see why that’s overwhelming. What can I do to help?”

This small shift can go a long way in building peace, partnership, and true respect in the Jewish home.

S. P.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1067)