“The importance of taking away a tiny degree of another’s aloneness”

Don’t Leave Us Hanging [Shul with a View / Issue 1065]

Rabbi Eisemann, I’m one of the wives who absolutely loves your column, and I got a good chuckle out of your story last week.

I’m sure I speak for many of us when I say we are all eagerly awaiting a postscript! We would love to know how “Mr. Yankel” from American Dream and his wife reacted when they read the story.

Thank you for an amazing column that never fails to inspire, make me laugh, or move me to tears.

Sincerely,

R. Tiefenbrunner,

Antwerp

Untold Stories [Stopover / Issue 1064]

I wanted to express my sincere gratitude to Sivan Rahav-Meir for the thoughtful and inspiring article, “Under the Radar,” about our community in East Brunswick. Her visit left a lasting impression, and the way she captured the quiet strength and personal journeys of our members was both sensitive and uplifting. In truth, our shul is filled with many more stories of faith, growth, and resilience, still waiting to be told.

Our shul may be tucked away in suburban New Jersey, but Sivan reminded us — and your readers — that some of the most powerful stories unfold far from the spotlight.

Since the article’s publication, many have reached out — not only to share how moved they were, but also to learn more about our community. So I’ll take this opportunity to extend a warm invitation to those looking for a welcoming place to daven, celebrate, or just connect.

Thank you again, Sivan, for highlighting the beauty that exists in unexpected places.

Rabbi Yehoshua Hess

Young Israel of East Brunswick

Be My Guest [Guestlines / Issue 1064]

I enjoy Rabbi Kerzner’s column and read with interest his piece on how to make the Shabbos table more enjoyable. When I saw what he wrote regarding limiting guests to those who are child-friendly, that caught my attention.

I have been working arduously to bring awareness of the need to invite those who otherwise would be alone for Shabbos or Yom Tov meals. At the White Shul in Far Rockaway, with the backing of Rabbi and Rebbetzin Feiner, I have thus far coordinated two major events bringing awareness to this somewhat overlooked mitzvah. Rabbi Paysach Krohn spoke in December 2023 and Rabbi Daniel Kalish spoke in January 2025. Both talks can be found on TorahAnytime.

While I agree that children need to feel the Shabbos table is a place they belong, it is equally important to ensure that no neighbor is left behind. If it’s not possible for whatever reason to include guests at your Shabbos home, please consider discreetly arranging invitations for them and befriending the person in other ways, whether phone calls, midweek coffee dates/lunch at the local restaurant, sending flowers for Shabbos, etc.

The importance of taking away a tiny degree of another’s aloneness is completely underestimated and misunderstood by those who, baruch Hashem, have not experienced anything similar.

May Hashem grant us an open heart to care, and the siyata d’Shmaya to reach out in a way that is real and received as such.

For more information and to start something like this in your community, please reach out via Mishpacha.

Chaya Feldstein

Far Rockaway, NY

We Need Involved Abbas [The Kichels / Issue 1064]

The Kichels column is rich in its depth of understanding and satirical commentary on so many issues in Jewish life. But I am afraid it is being mechanech a generation poorly by presenting a father figure who knows nothing about his children’s summer plans or when school is over. Creating such a shallow character adds to our cultural problem of bochurim having very few responsibilities (no one’s fault) and not being considered ready for marriage until way past their teens.

Klal Yisrael needs fathers who are mature, serious, and involved in their families’ lives — and holding a sefer does not excuse being oblivious to all that should be shared by both parents. This is not the first time Abba Kichel has been depicted this way.

Thank you for the column and for a most superior magazine.

Rabbi Yechezkel Zweig

Menahel, Bais Yaakov of Baltimore High School

Legitimate Mesorah [Scroll Up / Issue 1063]

I started reading the article with great interest, as I am a sofer, and find all things safrus-related fascinating. However, certain parts of the article caused me great consternation.

The article says that today’s standard ksav is based on a questionable sefer, and that the “author got away with it” because in his time people didn’t have access to the sources quoted. The article also notes that “the Mishnah Berurah and the Chazon Ish seemed to have followed” this questionable sefer.

These statements make no sense for a number of reasons. How is it that this “questionable” sefer came to be so widely accepted, to the extent that it so significantly changed the way we write today? To say that the sefer was accepted without critique would make it only the second time in history that Jews accepted something without questioning it (the first being Matan Torah). A sefer is only followed if it has been accepted by the gedolim of the day. If this is the case, as is clear from the fact that the Mishnah Berurah quotes it, is enough to cement the sefer as beyond reproach. How one can impugn the reputation of the author of such a sefer, regardless of how many proofs one has, is beyond me.

Furthermore, how can one suggest that the Acharonim accepted something based on hearsay, from a questionable source? If they paskened it, it’s because they independently verified it to be true. (As an aside, information that was not available to the Acharonim is not necessarily even a valid part of halachic tradition).

That does not mean one cannot argue with the Kesivah Tama, or even the Mishnah Berurah. One most certainly can, and one can even pasken based on one’s understanding of the sugya, if one is sufficiently learned, as “a judge only has what his eyes can see.” I have heard that Rav Chaim Brisker had many different pairs of tefillin throughout his life, as each time his understanding of the sugya changed he got a new pair, in accordance with his new understanding. But does anyone think for one second that he believed he understood the sugya better than his father, the Bais Halevi?!

It makes perfect sense that Rav Wosner permitted Rabbi Strauss to write in accordance with his understanding of the topic, as it was based on solid principles. However, this is only permitted for an individual; for the rest of Klal Yisroel, we follow our mesorah, as Rav Elyashiv made clear. (I believe this is the same logic regarding whether we wear techeiles or not). Not because we are blind, but because we are aware of the greatness of previous generations. We know that if something has been accepted by the gedolim of the previous generations, then it is emes, and our lack of understanding is just that, a lack of understanding.

There is a well-known story about Rav Aharon Kotler, who said that one day he understood a statement of the Vilna Gaon that had troubled him for 20 years. He shared that the only reason he merited to understand it was because there was not one moment in those 20 years when he even considered the possibility that he knew better than the Vilna Gaon.

(I only know of one place the Mishnah Berurah quotes the Kesivah Tama, regarding the back of the letter pei. It is well known that there were gedolei oilam who wrote it differently, and everyone follows their mesorah. Everything else the Mishnah Berurah quotes is from the Rishonim and Acharonim by whose word we live. I would love to know where “the Mishnah Berurah and the Chazon Ish seemed to have followed the Kesivah Tama,” breaking with previously accepted tradition.)

The correct forum for such discussions is in a Torah journal, such as Yeshurun, where one shares their personal Torah thoughts, and all those reading it are well aware that the depth and breadth of knowledge of those who came before, upon whose teachings we live and breathe, are beyond comprehension. I am sure that it was in this spirit that Rabbi Strauss said what he did, as no one who has ever learned any amount of Torah in depth, as he clearly has, could believe otherwise. As Chazal tell us, if the previous generations were like angels, we are like people; if they were human, we are like donkeys, and not [even] like the donkey of Rabi Pinchas ben Yair.

In the future, I hope Mishpacha will be more careful when wording something that could be construed as critical of our mesorah.

Name Withheld

Putting Down the Burden [True Account / Issue 1063]

The recent article entitled “On the Winning Team” stirred deep emotions within me. The protagonist is clearly a well-meaning and sensitive individual who has gained deep self-awareness.

At pivotal moments in his life, it was his rosh yeshivah, Rav Betzalel Goldstein, who provided him with understanding and guidance. Countless people spend tens of thousands of dollars running from one therapist to another, rehashing their stories and desperately seeking validation. But anyone who has had the good fortune of speaking intimately with the Rosh Yeshivah can attest that just his silent, penetrating gaze conveys that you have arrived and your experience is understood. With that gaze comes immense relief, as though a heavy burden has finally reached its destination.

While sometimes a person who confides in another one is left with guilt for having burdened his listener, the Rosh Yeshivah rises light as a feather from encounters like these, dispelling any such guilt. The burden is neither with the speaker nor with him. It has ascended to the higher realms, transformed into something holy. What remains is a profound sense of meaning and a renewed sense of mission, born from the holiness of Torah and deepened by true emunah.

The protagonist is just one of many who have found themselves influenced, guided, and empowered by the Rosh Yeshivah. Boys who arrived directionless, angry, and confused have become successful men of character through limud haTorah and their connection to their Rosh Yeshiva, and have grown into men who now lead loving homes guided by Torah values. These men utilize his “open door policy” to reconnect, recalibrate, and continue ascending like true Yidden.

From those struggling with foundational beliefs, to the serious yeshivah bochur striving in his quest for true gadlus, to the couple in conflict seeking to find common ground and rekindle their connection, he is there with understanding, compassion, and guidance deeply rooted in Torah and emunah.

May he be granted long years of health and continued hatzlachah in being marbeh kevod Shamayim.

One of the Rosh Yeshivah’s Many Secret Admirers

Support for Singles [Counterpoint / Issue 1057]

As a single girl in shidduchim, I’d like to weigh in on the conversation about the shidduch crisis. I’m not here to put in my two cents and try to solve an issue that is way out of my league. Rather, I’d like to discuss another component of the nisayon of being single: the isolation singles face.

Single individuals endure tremendous loneliness and often feel a sense of abandonment. Through long intervals of time where they often receive no suggestions, they must continue on with life, presenting a smile to the world while their inner universe is crashing down. They are expected to go to simchahs and meet friends in the grocery pushing strollers, while their hope for the future feels precarious.

In the frum community, where there is so much chesed, it behooves us to remember the brave individuals who feel like they have been left at sea. For most struggles that a Yid faces, they can count on an organization to be there to help them. Yet, there is not much out there to help singles. It would be so helpful to have an address to call to receive chizuk, get help with shidduch advocacy, offer a sense of community, and help singles feel they haven’t been forgotten.

I don’t mean to belittle all the incredible organizations out there who do help with shidduchim or help single girls in other ways. I just think that more can be done to help singles feel a sense of acceptance and support.

Name Withheld

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1066)