“Shouldn’t we encourage readers to prioritize Eretz Yisrael rather than settle for yet another galus community?”

Warmth Isn’t Inclusion [Guestlines / Issue 1051]

Thank you for sharing Rabbi Aryeh Kerzner’s incredible article on parnassah. His words were both insightful and powerful, and I’d like to add my own perspective.

Two years ago, I moved to a well-known out-of-town community —heralded as an exceptionally warm and welcoming place. In some ways, that reputation is well-deserved. People greet each other with big smiles, a heartfelt “Good Shabbos,” and the community truly comes together for simchahs.

But beyond the surface, I’ve found that warmth doesn’t always translate into inclusion. In the time I’ve been here, I haven’t really been invited to Shabbos or Purim meals. I don’t feel fully at home in most of the shuls, because I’m not “part of the olam.” And most of all, when I reach out to people for business opportunities, for networking, for a way to make a parnassah — I am often met with silence. My emails go unanswered, my efforts to connect unacknowledged.

So, I turn to you — anyone in these communities who read Rabbi Kerzner’s article — please, take a moment and ask yourself: Is he talking to me? Can I do more to help others find their way in business? Is my warmth and friendliness truly inclusive? Do I extend it only to those in my circle, or also to those who are looking for a foothold, a chance, a way in?

Let’s make sure our warmth is more than just words. Let’s make sure it’s real.

An In-Towner Turned Out-of-Towner

Why Not Come Home? [Guestlines / Issue 1051]

I was somewhat bewildered by the recent article advocating for moving to an out-of-town community in America. While I understand the appeal of more affordable housing, a slower pace of life, and the opportunity to strengthen smaller Jewish communities, I cannot help but wonder — why is Eretz Yisrael not the first option?

For thousands of years, our ancestors longed, prayed, and sacrificed for the opportunity to return to our homeland. We now live in a time when moving to Eretz Yisrael is not just a dream but a reality, yet many frum Jews still choose obscure locations in the United States over the holiest land on earth. Shouldn’t the conversation about relocation naturally begin with Eretz Yisrael? Instead of seeking to build Torah communities in far-flung corners of America, why not strengthen the thriving, growing Torah centers of Eretz Yisrael?

Of course, I recognize that not everyone is in a position to make aliyah immediately. But should it not at least be part of the conversation? Shouldn’t we encourage readers to prioritize Eretz Yisrael rather than settle for yet another galus community?

I would love to see more discussion about aliyah — not just as an abstract ideal, but as a practical and achievable reality for frum families today.

Eliezer Shulman
Ramat Beit Shemesh

Two-Way Street [Guestlines / Issue 1051]

I deeply appreciate Rabbi Kerzner’s outstanding article. He has an incredible knack for pinpointing the most pressing issues with clarity and insight, and addressing them in a way that resonates so profoundly. I’d love to add a few thoughts to the conversation.

Rabbi Kerzner is absolutely right — employers within the frum community should make greater efforts to hire from within. At the same time, I believe it’s a two-way street.

Baruch Hashem, our family runs a successful real estate business, and over the years, we’ve actively tried hiring frum employees. While we’ve certainly found dedicated and talented individuals, many applicants expect higher salaries than their non-Jewish counterparts in the same positions. Additionally, some insist on starting work much later to accommodate chavrusas, carpool, and various breaks for shiurim and coffee.

If we truly want to strengthen employment opportunities within our community, we need a shift in mindset. Those seeking jobs must demonstrate commitment not just to securing a paycheck, but to the success of the businesses they work for. Employers want to see employees who take initiative, work hard, and understand the value of contributing to a company’s growth.

Another crucial point: Many in our community enter the workforce with an expectation that they’ll quickly rise to a position of wealth and prominence. But that’s not how success is built. It requires humility, dedication, and a willingness to start from the bottom, work hard, and earn one’s way up. We need to teach that not every job is a stepping stone to immediate financial independence, and that’s okay! In fact, that’s how most people in the business world achieve real success — by proving themselves through effort and perseverance. If we approach this with a balance of opportunity and responsibility, we can create a work environment where everyone benefits.

S.D.

Los Angeles, CA

Preparing for the Day After [Guestlines / Issue 1051]

Once again, Rabbi Aryeh Kerzner has delivered a fabulous read. His ability to articulate crucial issues with such clarity is amazing. In this article, he expressed that the key to strengthening out-of-town communities lies in establishing dedicated committees to assist with job placement, integration, and professional networking.

I’d like to add one important point to the conversation.

As a community, we have to start becoming realistic. If we educate our children with the expectation that they will sit in kollel for five or more years and then seamlessly transition into the job market, we are fooling ourselves. The adjustment is often far from smooth, and we must prepare our children accordingly.

When our kids learn in kollel, they must realize that they have two options:

1. Education and Preparation— If someone plans to spend several years in kollel but knows he will eventually enter the workforce, those years should also include acquiring relevant skills, training, or degrees so he can step into the job market with a strong résumé and real prospects.
2. Endurance and Perspective— If someone is committed to staying in kollel full-time until financial necessity forces him to leave, he must be prepared for the struggle that follows. Just as he approached his learning with mesirus nefesh, he must embrace the challenge of career-building with the same mesirus nefesh. Success won’t come overnight — it will take time, trial and error, and perseverance, just like his years in the beis medrash. The point is that we must ensure that our community’s approach to parnassah is as thought-out and intentional as our approach to learning.

By doing so, we can set up our children — and our communities — for long-term success, both spiritually and financially.

Yitzy Stern

Monsey, NY

Infusion of Hope [Worldview / Issue 1051]

A big thank you to Gedalia Guttentag for your uplifting article, “Lightning Against the Dark.” Almost everyone I spoke to on Friday was still feeling so despondent and depressed from the Bibas funerals of Wednesday. Coming into Adar, we badly needed perspective to pick us up, and this article articulated our feelings and gave us hope. I’ll be cutting out and saving this masterpiece. It will definitely feature in a shiur in the near future!

S. Tugendhaft

London, UK

The Real Headlines [Holding Their Ground / Issue 1051]

Everyone wears different hats. Designing the cover of the Mishpacha was never something I was tasked with.

Fantasizing for a moment that I was indeed in charge, I would have chosen  a different cover for last week’s magazine.

Allow me to explain.

The coverage last week was on the situation going on in Ukraine. Additionally, on the top part of the cover, written in big letters, was the headline about the amazing miracle of the failed bus bombings that Klal Yisrael is alive to tell.

Beautiful, for sure, but wouldn’t it have been nice if that headline would have been more prominent?

Living in Eretz Yisrael for more years than I have lived in America is a fact that leaves me humbled every day.

The times we are living in are truly epic, and each day that we are alive and well is an open miracle, literally.

Anything that our brethren in chutz l’Aretz hear from us is only a small part of the “real deal.”

Living here, in the King’s palace, gives you a front-row view of greatness.

Specifically, after the Simchas Torah tragedy, the shift in people’s attitudes, across all stripes of Klal Yisrael, has been dramatic.

There is so much camaraderie, love all around, caring for the other regardless of affiliation — the likes of which we have not seen in a very long time.

The sense that we are all part of one whole, and davening for each other, can be felt everywhere you go.

In a way, the situation has pushed us to choose who our real friends are, and we have chosen so very well!

Come visit your local makolet, and what can I say, it is a feast for the eyes and heart. The easy banter between the not-yet-frum and the frum, the authentic shared feelings and aspirations, is so heartwarming and real.

We have grown as a nation, in such remarkable ways... Benny Friedman’s song “Yehudi zeh Hachi” sums it up so eloquently.  “B’Eretz Yisrael porachat, zorachat, mamash me’al kulam.” Loosely translated: In Eretz Yisrael it is blooming, and shining, really above all (great song, check it out!). Living in Eretz Yisrael pushes you to meet people that you would have never met otherwise.  It is not an uncommon sight to see people from two different spectrums, speaking politics, but with such “sweetness.”  Watching them agreeing to disagree, but still being part of the same family, is magnificent to witness and be part of. I find myself getting very emotional, specifically this past year, when I look around and see the giants surrounding us.  Our nation didn’t have to choose the high road. We have come together as a family under such vulnerable conditions. The pasuk that keeps floating through my mind is: tovah ha’aretz me’od me’od. And, if I may add, I keep thinking... and what a People we are.  Really, really good!

Seeing the miracles that we have experienced so openly is mind-blowing.  However, the more we talk about the open miracles, the greater it spreads through our very being, and brings us closer to the place where we all yearn to be.  Stopping for more than a moment to consider the heartache that could have been ours leaves us so eternally grateful.  Rehashing, dissecting, and pontificating of all the could’ve/would’ve scenarios, leaves us with the feeling that this was a true hug from on High.  Most importantly, it clarifies the absolute truth, and crystalizes what we all want to feel every moment of our life — Hashem is with us every millisecond, and His Hashgachah is so openly amazing.

If there is one thing that we need more than ever, it’s to truly feel Hashem’s loving Hand, protecting us every step of the way.  It is not enough for us to note the miracles and move on. Rather, like in a fire drill (but this is life drill rules): SLM=Stop. Look. Marvel.  Let’s not stop talking about the frightening heartache Klal Yisrael was saved from.  Let’s not stop talking about the chesed from Above, the clear ahavah that we see amid the countless huge miracles we have witnessed this past year, within the calamities we have experienced and continue to face. Let’s remember the pasuk, “Az yimalei sechok pinu — our mouths will be filled with laughter,” when we hear in the future all the enemies’ plans that Hashem foiled.

Spreading these thoughts among ourselves, our Mishpacha family, and Klal Yisrael across the board, will help us grow into the stars that we can be.   With our unwavering hakaras hatov to the One Above, we will have the strength to achieve greatness in places that until now were part of our tefillos and dreams.

Stopping, just for a moment as we hustle throughout the day, to say Mizmor L’sodah (Tehillim 100) goes a long way, and lights up our very essence.

Faigi Weiss

Beitar Illit

Unique Perspective [Inbox / 1050]

I was surprised to read that A.F. was disappointed with the article on the Gazan view of the Trump plan.

In fact, I was fascinated to hear that unique perspective, and was impressed by the professional journalism, which shared a view that is so relevant but no one is really speaking about.

Hearing how they feel there on the other side doesn’t mean we agree with them. Rather, it is looking at a reality that can very much affect how things will play out in the future.

S.B.

Meaningful Coverage [Screenshot / 1050]

Just a huge thank you to Mishpacha for covering the war and stories of the hostages in such a meaningful way. Special shout out to Shoshana Friedman for her outstanding articles, which always move me to tears. It really adds kavanah to my davening and helps me to think of more ways to increase zechusim for the hostages’ recovery and release. May we all be zocheh to greet Mashiach very soon!

An Inspired Reader

Finding Faith in Gaza [The Moment / Issue 1050]

Thank you for Ariella Schiller’s inspiring writeup about Yelena Troufanov. People like to say, “There are no atheists in a foxhole” but we see from this beautiful story that the truth is, sometimes Hashem puts people in a foxhole so they will no longer be atheists.

Name Witheld

Taste the Sweetness [The Moment / Issue 1050]

I enjoyed reading The Moment and seeing how Rabbi Yehoshua Feigelstein has managed to not only teach Gemara to his 6th-grade talmidim but also to inspire them so that they taste the geshmak and sweetness in learning Gemara. Finding a way to give one’s talmidim a taste of the Gemara’s sweetness is not always simple, but Rabbi Feigelstein has accomplished this through the Torascha B’finu program.

Five years ago, I began teaching 7th grade and started to search for ways to inspire my talmidim so they would feel the geshmak of learning Gemara. The mode of motivation that has typically been used in the past — contests, incentives, and tests — seem to be effective mainly for the top third or half of the class, but does not talk to the other boys. Additionally, even the boys who do participate in these programs do not gain a true excitement for learning. In fact, the subtle message we give our talmidim when using incentives is that “We both know that Gemara is not exciting, but I’ll give you some candies to make it worth it.”  Additionally, one can argue that boys today are more astute than in the past and “bribing” them with production-based incentives may no longer be effective or appreciated. Thus, we must look for new ways to motivate our talmidim in a language that talks to them. (There is much to be said about this topic. Dr. Bentzion Sorotzkin highlights many negative effects of such motivational tools — he concludes that all too often they create a negative association toward learning Gemara and in addition, they cultivate bad middos.)

I had heard of the V’haarev Na program run by Rabbi Dovid Newman for high school boys, so I reached out to him to see if we could adapt it for 6th through 8th grade boys. Why wait until high school to give the boys a taste of the sweetness of Gemara if they can taste it when they embark on their journey? So, five years ago we began a program called Torascha B’finu, a branch of V’haarev Na, for 6th through 8th grade. The program emphasizes intrinsic motivation through three key tools: 1. Showing the talmidim unconditional ahavah 2. Showing the chashivus of owning the Gemara 3. Showing them that we believe in them and that they can be successful in owning the Gemara. Creating an environment where the boys want to chazer — without any incentives!

Word of the program has gotten out, and many rebbeim have rushed to join the program — and just a few years after its launch, more than 40 rebbeim have already joined. Yeshivos in Lakewood, Monsey, Brooklyn, Far Rockaway, Chicago, Miami, Cleveland, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Las Vegas, and Connecticut have seen the success of the program. With siyata d’Shmaya this program will attract many new rebbeim each year to join this movement. Rebbeim who have been teaching for many years and have joined the program noticed that their classrooms have been transformed, and that they have become infused with ahavas haTorah.

This program may not be for every rebbi, as some appreciate the old mehalech, but for a rebbi looking to incorporate a fresh way to bring inspiration and geshmak of learning into his classroom, this program will change his life and the lives of his talmidim!

Shmuel Stein
7th Grade Rebbi, Yeshivas Toras Chaim Toras Emes

Hands and Heart of Gold [Built to Last / Issue 1050]

Thank you for your beautiful and meaningful article about the tool workshop, founded by Aryeh Deverett, in memory of Eliyahu Moshe (Eli Mo) Zimbalist Hy”d.

I distinctly remember when he fell in battle. A former classmate of mine (who made aliyah many years ago) posted a number of pictures of Eli Mo helping her son put up their succah, noting his hands of gold and his joyous willingness to help anyone in need.

My husband and I have just returned from a ten-day trip to Eretz Yisrael last week. We spent one morning on Har Herzl, in the new section where the kedoshim from this war, Hy”d, are buried.

When we came to the kever of Eli Mo, it was moving to note the small plaque that stands at his kever, reading (in Ivrit) “heart of gold, hands of gold,” as you can see in the attached picture.

Perhaps if we all engage in more actions — bein adam l’chaveiro, and bein adam l’Makom — with hearts of gold and hands of gold, learning from the exemplary middos and ways of Eli Mo, we will, collectively, hasten the redemption.

May the family know no more sorrow, may Hashem avenge the blood of the kedoshim, and may we merit the final Geulah, immediately and in our days.

Michal Horowitz

Woodmere, NY

Inevitable Effects [Inbox / Issue 1049]

I’m writing in response to the incredibly brave woman who wrote about her childhood abuse, and how unwittingly, she continued the pattern. In response, a letter writer chose to focus on her parenting — and bash her as a parent.

As a victim of abuse, what made me reach out for help was my children — and seeing how despite my determination to give them a better childhood than I had, I had no idea how to do it. I never had a model of healthy parents, and reading parenting books doesn’t help enough when you have never seen what love looks like, never experienced it, and it’s just an abstract concept; when chinuch meant punishment, when discipline meant abuse — and you have never seen a healthy way to react to a child stepping out of line.
The letter writer clearly thinks everyone automatically knows how to be mechanech a child — and if not, they’re bad. I have news for you: You could be the most devoted parent — and have no idea that you’re being too harsh, or that you’re not building a relationship of love.
My therapist shared an analogy with me: Just like you can’t walk through a field of pollen without some  of it landing on your clothes, no matter how carefully you step, your childhood will change the way you are as a parent — however hard you try to pretend the pollen didn’t fall on you, and however much you train, try and change, some of that pollen sticks. Those beliefs and warped ideas stick.

For people like the original letter writer who were lucky enough to grow up in a relatively healthy home, this struggle of trying to be “normal,” trying to be “healthy,” is unfathomable. And understandably, she is shocked at the parenting — because as someone from a healthy home, she thinks that a person would choose that behavior — and can control it. She’s wrong. What this woman did to create a 360-degree turnaround to break the cycle of the past was heroic. I would compare it to a person growing up in a healthy but average home, and becomes a giant in Torah. How many people like that do you know? How impressive and inspiring is that journey?
A growing person in healing, who is courageous enough to share her story, without whitewashing their history, deserves applause. They’ve gifted me with hope and so many of us with a journey of healing.
And in general, compassion and understanding is more powerful than judgment, every time.

Name Withheld

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1052)