“As the core of the Jewish home, it’s crucial for women to have opportunities for Torah learning”

Making Place [Perspectives / Issue 1042]

Thank you for publishing Rabbi Bane’s insightful and thought-provoking article, “The Next Frontier in Religious Growth.” Rabbi Bane’s eloquent discussion about the importance of addressing the social and spiritual needs of women in our communities could not have come at a more pivotal time.

Here in Monsey, we have taken a step toward addressing this very need with the creation of The Space, a women’s community center that has been operating for the past ten months. Our mission aligns deeply with Rabbi Bane’s vision: to provide women with a space to connect, learn, and create.

The response to The Space has been overwhelming. Women of all ages and backgrounds have embraced this initiative with enthusiasm and gratitude, recognizing the profound impact it has on their personal growth and, by extension, on their families and community. We’ve seen friendships forged, skills developed, and a renewed sense of belonging.

However, as Rabbi Bane so aptly highlights, the challenges of securing financial support remain significant. Convincing men in the community to view such a center as vital to the spiritual and emotional well-being of their homes has proven to be a delicate but critical conversation. While the value of yeshivos and kollelim is deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness, the importance of spaces for women to thrive must also be understood as fundamental to the success of the home and the continuity of our values.

We thank Rabbi Bane for bringing this issue to the forefront and hope that his words inspire more conversations — and ultimately, action — within our community. With greater awareness and communal support, we can ensure that initiatives like The Space continue to flourish and serve as a cornerstone for the growth of our families and communities.

For more information about The Space, please reach out to us via Mishpacha.

Chani Glick and Yael Kahan

The Space, 526 route 306, Suffern, NY

Calling All Non-Rebbetzins [Perspectives / Issue 1042]

Thank you, Rabbi Bane, for addressing a topic I’ve been soapboxing about for years. Women’s Torah learning and personal growth deserve more attention. Sadly, most women’s learning stops once seminary is over. And while many husbands are supportive of these efforts, others respond with skepticism or even derision. I’ve encountered comments from men ranging from jokes like, “Go bake a cake,” to being called, “Women of the Wall.” It’s clear that finding dedicated spaces for women’s learning remains a challenge.

In shuls, men benefit from an environment that fosters learning, complete with food and an uplifting atmosphere. Women, on the other hand, often have to create these spaces in their homes, balancing learning with their role as the akeres habayis. Yet, as the core of the Jewish home, it’s crucial for women to have opportunities for Torah learning — and for communities to actively encourage and support these efforts.

In my neighborhood, my friend Estee Lavitt and I started a program called Connect to Connect to foster community and Torah learning for women. The program focuses on learning Strive for Truth (Michtav M’Eliyahu) b’chavrusa — whether in person, over the phone, via FaceTime, or whatever works — for 30 minutes a week. My chavrusa and I stay a week ahead of the group and provide guided questions to enhance the learning experience.

Every four to six weeks, we have live get-togethers, offering us a chance to connect as women and discuss aspects of our learning. We’re 21 weeks in, with our fourth meeting coming up, and the impact has been transformative — both in terms of learning and personal growth.

Women! Join us. Find a way to incorporate meaningful learning into your life. It’s life-changing, even if you’re a non-rebbetzin (like me). We can be reached via Mishpacha.

Esther Kurtz, Non-Rebbetzin, Mishpacha columnist

Life Changer [Home Away from Heaven / Issue 1042]

I would like to commend Reb Shmuel Botnick on his recent article on Rabbi Zucker and our shul Kehilla Kedosha Beis Shlomo. It was extraordinarily well written, and considering that he got a very limited glimpse into the day-to-day action of the kehillah, I commend him on his ability to so aptly describe the uniqueness of our rav and kehillah.

That being said, there are so many life-changing moments throughout the year that can’t be given over in the written word (such as Shabbos Mevarchim, the Lag B’omer hadlakah, and the Yamim Noraim davening, to name a few). As Rabbi Zucker often quotes, “ta’amu ure’u ki tov Hashem,” only through experiencing these moments can one fully grasp the unbelievable energy and spiritual force that the shul has.

However, I do want to point out a glaring omission. What I believe is missing from the different accounts in this article is how much the rav and the kehillah have changed the lives of the mispallelim in a real and tangible way.

There are so many past and present mispallelim who can attest to the fact that their relationship with Hashem has been completely transformed. Their understanding of ahavas Yisrael, shalom bayis, chinuch, limud haTorah, dveikus b’Hashem, and how to experience Shabbos and the Yamim Tovim has been completely changed. There are families who have considered moving back to the States but instead made their permanent residence here in Ramat Eshkol, just so that they can continue to draw inspiration and growth from the kehillah, realizing that they would not have anything similar elsewhere.

Alumni of the shul have moved to lead kehillos of their own that are based on the foundation they have received from Rabbi Zucker. On a recent trip to the States, I heard from many of Rabbi Zucker’s students and former mispallelim that they wish they had such a kehillah and are striving to create similar minyanim and shuls in their respective locations.

I daven that Hashem continue to give Rabbi Zucker and all those involved the strength to continue in their tremendous avodas haKodesh, and may we be zocheh to greet the kibbutz galuyos in our shul, bimheirah b’yameinu!

Daniel Green

Make an Exception [Out of Sorts / Double Take — Issue 1042]

The road to Gehinnom, they say, is paved with good intentions. In this story, while the principal probably had the best of intentions: to maintain boundaries between the girls from kollel families who want to limit screen and internet exposure, while also allowing the girls from more modern families to maintain their comfort with technology and internet without feeling stifled.

However, she has taken the theory of the situation — natural separation of the classes will lead away from undue influences and therefore happier clientele — and neglected to actually take a microscope and see that the girls in her class might not necessarily benefit with being lumped with their family status. That’s exactly what happened with Avigail, the girl from a more modern family whose friends were all from the kollel families.

I think Shoshana should have thought about it like this — Avigail and her mother are begging to join the more kollel-minded families. Avigail has friends from these families, friends whose parents can presumably vouch for the fact that Avigail has not only not been influencing their daughters with internet and technology, but has actively been working to wean herself from those influences. The one time to make an exception would be here — let the girl be with her friends and let her strengthen her Yiddishkeit.

In Shoshana’s take she mentions a worst-case fear: that Avigail will end up thinking of her more machmir self as a fad and drift back to what she’s used to. In this case I believe it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy, since she’s going to internalize that her mentors don’t want her to be more machmir, and go back in defeat.

I say to the principal: Make the exception. Let Avigail go join her friends, and let her surprise you by gaining an even closer relationship with her friends, her sense of Yiddishkeit, and Hashem.

Matthew Silkin

Spreading Light [Cut ’n Paste / Issue 1042]

There’s no such thing as a coincidence.

Baruch Hashem I have been zocheh to continue the legacy of our dear father, Reb Gavriel (George) Klein z”l and light the same menorah that he buried in the darkness of the turbulent war years.

Just before lighting Dad’s menorah on Erev Shabbos Chanukah, the news of the petirah of Rav Yosef ben Simcha Lefkowitz z”l made headlines throughout the Jewish world.

Rav Yosef was small in appearance, yet a giant of a man. He was the builder of the Arzei Habirah neighborhood in Jerusalem, a worldwide Jewish educator and so much more.

A Holocaust survivor, he still remembered sitting at the tish of the Kedushas Tzion (the Bobover Rebbe) back in Krakow. His entire family perished and he suffered tremendously at the hands of the Nazis in various death camps.

I had the good fortune to be introduced to Reb Yosef through my daughter, who works at Meor; and Rabbi Naftali Schiff, who runs Jroots, both educational kiruv organizations, where Reb Yosef, who was the epitome of emunah, imbued faith into whoever he came across. He attracted and brought back many hundreds of students to their Jewish roots through his incredible passion and focus.

As I lit and sang Haneiros Hallalu to Dad’s unforgettable tune, my mind reflected on the loss of Reb Yosef, whose lifelong goal was to bring more and more light into our dark world.

Yehi zichro baruch.

Yosi Klein

London

This Got Me Going [Guestlines / Issue 1041]

It’s a real treat every time Rabbi Kerzner contributes an article. I’ve been deliberating about starting a women’s lunch/learning program here in Monsey, and this article about taking the bull by the horns and just jumping in has triggered the official launch. We have already 350 women joining a daily learning slot, all thanks to this moving article. Thank you and tizku l’mitzvos!

P.S. I patiently await the day Rabbi Kerzner begins writing an official column for Mishpacha, but maybe after this article the push to “just do it” might actually make it happen.

Perel Friedman

Monsey, NY

Mistaken Halachic Inference [For the Record / Issue 1041]

I love Yehuda and Dovi’s work and appreciated this article like every other.

I was just hoping to relate, in a friends-tell-friends way, that the idea that the shtetl Jews would have their children go bring the cholent pot home from the communal oven in the absence of an eiruv would still be a halachic problem. The only way it is permissible for a parent to let a child do something assur on Shabbos, (even an issur d’Rabbanan) is if the child is doing it for himself and is not under the impression that the adults want it done. Additionally, the child needs to be below the age of bar havanah (according to most poskim, the maximum age is three). (See Mishnah Berurah siman 343 OC.)

It’s hard to imagine a child less than three years old implicitly assuming his parents want him to bring a pot of cholent home without having been asked, not to mention how implausible it is that he could schlep it.

As it’s unlikely that this what happened, I would be concerned that the piece constituted lashon hara about the Jews of that era. And chalilah, worse, it may have erroneously led today’s Jews to think that they can have their small children violate halachah on Shabbos for them.

Again, I write this with the utmost respect and admiration for Yehuda and Dovi’s work.

Pesach Porush

Spilling the Beans [For the Record / Issue 1041]

I saw the Heinz beans ads in last week’s issue.

I believe Heinz was the first product that carried the OU symbol. They announced their kashrus in a full-page ad in Young Israel’s Viewpoint magazine. Unusual for that time, they took another full-page ad to inform the public that the product was not kosher for Passover.

Shlomo Mostofsky

Rule Out PANDAS [As They Grow / Issue 1041]

Reading Rabbi Greenwald’s answer to the mother who wondered if her difficult preteen’s behavior was normal, I felt compelled to add my two cents.

Along with everything else Rabbi Greenwald suggested, I would check out any child with sudden, severe personality or mood changes for strep and Lyme.

It is unbelievable how often the right antibiotics together with a regimen of targeted vitamins can do what all the therapy and behavioral modification techniques couldn’t.

I would like to clarify that although many people are strep carriers and most of us in the northeast have been exposed to Lyme, it’s only when the immune system is suppressed that these illnesses may suddenly wreak havoc in otherwise emotionally healthy children and adults.

I’ve had a pediatrician tell me that PANDAS is a myth. “Look at me,” he exclaimed, “as a doctor I am exposed to strep every day. My antibodies are way over a thousand, and I am doing fine!”

So while it’s true that not every person with elevated ASO and anti-dNaseB antibodies has an inflamed brain and corresponding psychiatric symptoms, it’s  kind of like a peanut allergy. Some people can tolerate strep and Lyme and some kids act wacky every time they are exposed.

As I was reading the question it struck me how this teenager is acting nicely to her friends.

In the beginning, before autoimmune encephalitis (an inflamed brain that may be caused by strep or Lyme) gets very extreme, many children and adults are able to control their volatile symptoms in public and only fall apart at home. In the words of a fellow mother, “It is only so long that he can hold himself together.”

Doing the bloodwork for strep is simple. I would request to see the results myself. A diagnosis cannot be based only on exact numbers. As I said, like with allergies, each person reacts differently.

One aggressive eight-year-old child who also had severe reading difficulties had very low ASO numbers (less than 400). However, as the mother had tried everything she could think of, the doctor agreed to treat the child with antibiotics.

The kid was reading within a week! His interactions with other children dramatically improved. Of course, there are still ups and downs, but they are on the right track.

Now, instead of running a few times a week to different tutors and therapists, the challenge is to find a pediatrician who is supportive of PANDAS patients.

Lyme is much harder to diagnose. Every lab has different standards. There is also the paradox wherein antibodies are produced only when the body is already fighting the disease, but what if someone’s immune system is so weak that they don’t yet have antibodies?!

I can be contacted via Mishpacha.

Name Withheld

Yearn to Come Home [Worldview / Issue 1037]

My heart ached reading the November 20 column, “Make Aliyah Great Again,” and I felt I had to write in. As I read I kept wondering, where is the yearning to live in Eretz Yisrael? I heard about the yissurim loud and clear, but yearning? The phrase “Eretz Yisrael nikneis b’yissurim” is often cited in this truncated way. It’s missing a key word: a gift. Torah, Eretz Yisrael and The World to Come are three precious gifts that are earned only with yissurim.

In other words, the American community should feel privileged to have a chance to live in Eretz Yisrael. You should be grateful that it is so easy to become a citizen of Israel. All you have to do is be Jewish and that’s it. It’s the easiest second citizenship to get in the entire world.

In my opinion, it shows an entitlement attitude problem to think Israel owes you anything at all. You should be grateful for what they do offer. In fact, Hashem doesn’t owe any of us anything. We should be grateful for anything.

But lest I digress, your reaction seems to stem from the “inevitable” call for aliyah from Israeli politicians that usually comes up when an anti-Semitic attack occurs somewhere in chutz l’Aretz. But who says we need to be responding or give any credence at all to what Israeli politicians say? Who says that at the End of Days any government at all will be left standing?

I agree you shouldn’t come just because of anti-Semitism, though I wouldn’t tell you not to come because of that either. But why don’t you yearn to come to Eretz Yisrael? If you think it’s so hard, why doesn’t that bother you? It should leave an aching your heart. It shouldn’t be a rationalization to hold back and throw the responsibility back on others.

Don’t wait for politicians to solve your problems, and that goes for America, too. Don’t get over excited that Trump is going to “save” America. At best, if he’s successful, he can put a finger in the hole of the leaking dike called America. I think it’s only a matter of time. America’s ills are spiritual and need a spiritual revolution. Leave that job to the non-Jews there; our job is our own spiritual revolution.

In my opinion, Covid was a cataclysmic event and the galus is ending; it’s time to move home. How can you be so sure the opportunity to move to Eretz Yisrael will always be available? Are you all so sure that it’ll be a cakewalk to get here when Mashiach arrives? What if he asks how much you were yearning for the Geulah? Are you? Or are you overly enmeshed with the gashmiyus there?

If you say I haven’t addressed the issue of affordable housing, I’d say that it’s only worth a discussion once you change your mindset. I believe there are answers to your reservations but I’m disturbed by your premises.

Jews live with ambiguity all the time. We yearn for Mashiach, but live with the present. You don’t need to assuage your guilt at remaining in chutz l’Aretz by rationalizing that it isn’t practical to come anyway. You can remain in chutz l’Aretz and be torn; a Jew can do that.

Dream to make it here. The gains may be beyond what you imagine. Once you open your mind, heart and soul to the possibility, maybe Hashem will help you achieve it. Come to think of it, I don’t think Hashem was mentioned once in the article. People talk about Hashem here all the time. Come and join us. Im yirtzeh Hashem, you won’t regret it.

Marge Binder

Ramat Bet Shemesh

NOTE: Unfortunately, the name of Hashem was inadvertently included on p. 132 of issue 1041. Please dispose of it properly. We apologize for the oversight

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1943)