“There is no such thing as masorati music. Rather, there is religious music performed by individuals from masorati backgrounds”

Balancing Strategy and Excitement  [Guestlines / 1041]

Thank you so much for the superb article by Rabbi Aryeh Kerzner about jumping right in when inspired to do something positive. His eloquent piece highlighted the need to act immediately when inspired, rather than delay and deliberate.

I would add one point to this discussion: If one jumps into a mitzvah idea without much forethought, he runs the risk of blowing it, by taking on too big of a challenge too soon. When one properly calculates, he is more likely to plan his project in a gradual step-by-step process. This foresight and strategy is less glamorous, yet much more likely to succeed.

So yes, just jump in! But only after first ensuring that the plan is doable, practical, and an incremental process!

Esty Weiss

We Feel the Loss [Everyday Scholar / Issue 1041]

I was very excited to see the article about Rabbi Kalish ztz”l. My family davens in Rabbi Kalish’s shul in Lawrence. Growing up, I would call and ask my own sh’eilos. In shul, we always felt his warmth. Although I knew he was a big talmid chacham, he always seemed so down-to-earth; I always thought of him as simply my rav, not more.

When I got engaged, he came to the l’chayim, and invited my chassan and me to come speak to him. We left the meeting in awe; he gave us such amazing insights, while also telling us about his skiing trips and that he recommended it!

When my sister and I watched the levayah from Eretz Yisrael, we were bewildered seeing just how many people were there. Rabbi Kalish’s reach was incredible, yet he never made you feel that he was too important to speak with you. His petirah is a huge loss and I feel it. May his neshamah have an aliyah and may he be a meilitz yosher for Klal Yisrael.

Shira Goldberg

Sold Out [Until the Shaded Light Shines / Issue 1041]

I was doing my weekly shopping today in Empire Kosher when I saw Reb Leivik, the Rebbe’s father, on Mishpacha’s cover. I bought it, of course (though I don’t usually buy magazines). It was the last one in the store.

Rishe Deitsch, Crown Heights

Editor-in-Chief, N’shei Chabad Newsletter

It Will Only Get Worse [Inbox / Issue 1040]

I want to thank both “A Reader” and “Anonymous” in Lakewood for sharing their tuition stories. It does appear that it’s nearly impossible to pay what the tuition committee requires, and that is after being somech on matnas basar v’dam to be mechanech your children.

The bad news is that al pi teva it will get worse. Insurance, maintenance, and payroll are all inflating, and all of us will have to pay more in the future unless we implement a solution. However, that solution can’t include charging more from those who can pay the least or asking more from those who already give so much willingly.

Agudah is trying to get government money, which helps, but in most situations is only a fraction of what is needed. We need a solution that doesn’t affect a household’s cash flow, convinces those who pay now to not ask for a break, and tries to incentivize others who do have the option, even if it’s somewhat hard, to decide that they won’t ask for a tuition break. The idea to publicly thank those who pay in full is borrowed from Adopt-A-Kollel which implemented something similar, and is a means to collect funds.

You ask what else you can do, and there are at least two items. The most critical is to beg the Mekor Habrachah to allow all of Klal Yisrael to pay for their children’s chinuch without relying on matnas basar v’dam. In addition, we need to think of other solutions. I’ve made two that I think can work and will help without hurting households like yours, but my solutions are certainly not the only possibilities. I look forward to your thoughts.

Eli Blum

Lawrence, NY

See the Good [Screenshot / Issue 1039]

Thank you, Shoshana Friedman, for your article about the doughnuts with the free-the-hostages motif that garnered so much flack. It’s time for all of us to try very hard to see the good in what others are doing. The said bakery stated that part of the proceeds from the sale of these doughnuts were being donated to families affected by the war. Everyone should just do their best and not be so judgmental.

Nechuma Braun

Unfair Misrepresentation [Guestlines / Issue 1039]

With much respect, I feel compelled to respond to Rabbi Avrohom Neuberger’s recent article, “Without Doubt,” addressing what he refers to as masorati music entering our circles.

What compelled me to write this letter was one specific example Rabbi Neuberger used to illustrate his point — a choice that, in my opinion, unintentionally cast an ehrlicher Yid in a negative light.

The article referenced the song “Bein Kodesh L’Chol,” released by Shuli Rand (alongside another artist). Shuli Rand is a frum Jew, not masorati, and the song’s content was misrepresented. Contrary to the claim that it reflects doubts in emunah, the song poetically expresses the universal struggle between kodesh (our neshamah), and chol (the pull of the guf). That’s all it is: a reflection on our spiritual battles, not a suggestion of ambiguity in areas where we must remain absolutists.

Beyond this specific example, I believe the premise of the article itself is fundamentally flawed. As far as I’m aware, there is no such thing as masorati music. Rather, there is religious music performed by individuals from masorati backgrounds. The content of these songs is not inherently problematic. While one could open a legitimate discussion about listening to artists who may not be fully observant, Rabbi Neuberger’s critique appears misplaced in this context.

As another reader already pointed out, “masorati” is not an ideology like Reform or Conservative Judaism. It refers to individuals, often from secular backgrounds, who nonetheless embrace and appreciate many aspects of Torah. This reflects a real and growing phenomenon in Israel, where Torah and Judaism are increasingly being embraced by the broader population.

I believe these distinctions are critical and deserve to be clarified.

Name Withheld

Out of Touch [Voice in the Crowd / Issue 1039]

Once again, Yisroel Besser has truly hit the nail on the head. From my past experiences with school boards, I’ve often found that there is a lack of understanding and sensitivity to the challenges that parents face.

A number of years ago one of my children was entering a new school. I was starting a new business venture then, and I requested a meeting with the board to discuss the possibility of reducing my tuition fees for a period of time. I met with a board member at his home, where I shared my financial details with him. This individual had been born with a “golden spoon,” and understandably had little understanding of the hard work and financial struggles that many others face.

After asking me several personal and irrelevant business questions, we agreed on a reduced fee. However, when I received my tuition bill a few months later, it was for a different amount — a larger sum than we had agreed upon. I emailed him to inquire about the discrepancy, and his response was: “Try and aim for this amount; Hashem will help.”

I replied, “Of course, Hashem helps, but if that’s the case and this is how your decision is made, you might as well send me the full bill!”

Boards do incredible work, and without them, schools could not function. However, there needs to be a greater balance of individuals who can empathize with parents’ real-world situations and challenges.

Name Withheld

Privilege and Obligation [Voice in the Crowd / Issue 1039]

Sitting on a tuition committee is a thankless but necessary job, and characterizing the “rich” as carefree, frequent vacationers is to do the supporters of our institutions a disservice.  Our rabbis teach us that the accumulation of wealth results in much worry.  Great fortunes are often just one decision or lawsuit away from dissipating.

Anyone with a visible, sizable portfolio is constantly being asked to contribute. The needs are great and the appeals are endless.  A great measure of gratitude is owed to those who serve without remuneration, and those who are expected to carry the charitable burdens of our community.

This isn’t to say the system could not do with improvement. Years ago every Jewish institution, especially schools, had a rabbinical board, and their names were usually posted on the left hand side of the stationery.  This board was not there only for show; they actually had input. Tuition committees, and even more so, admission-decision makers, need to be guided by daas Torah.

Another thought: The yeshivos and Bais Yaakovs are giant equalizers.  The children of billionaires and the children of families on the dole study side by side in the classroom. Now, this comes with obligations.  Children hate to be different or ashamed.  One way to make money more available for grandparents and parents is for the more comfortable members of our community to greatly limit their expenditures for simchos, which would immediately lower the bar for everyone else. It is very painful to see the hurt of a child who is asked to be different.

Actually, everyone will benefit from a real hard look at what our celebrations should look like.  We have gone in the last 50 years from occasional simchahs to several in one week or even one day.  Besides saving money, we will be freeing parents to spend more evenings with their children and generally giving our overworked community some more breathing room.  All the stress, money, and charity that will be saved can be freed up for the benefit of the chinuch of our children.

R.F.

Noteworthy Memory [He Lived His Dream / Issue 1039]

Thank you for the article about my esteemed menahel, Rav Meir Chaim Gutfreund ztz”l. As we pass the shloshim of this truly unique individual, the tremendous feelings of loss are painfully fresh in the hearts of his many talmidim. While reading the memories shared, a fond memory of my own came to mind — one that reflects the personality of Rav Meir Chaim as so eloquently articulated by the author.

On one occasion, I was sent to the principal’s office and instructed by my rebbi to get a note that would allow me back into class. With his legendary smile, Rabbi Gutfreund invited me into his office and I bashfully made my request, carefully tiptoeing around the specific details of what prompted my rebbi to send me out.

Rabbi Gutfreund’s reaction was typical for our beloved menahel, as my fellow talmidim undoubtedly know. He grabbed a blank piece of paper sitting on his desk and wrote my name in big letters followed by “...IS A GOOD BOY,” and signed it. He handed it to me and warmly indicated that this was the note I needed.

I don’t recall if the note alone granted me entry into class, but one thing was certain — that was indeed the note I needed. It was a soothing boost to my confidence and gave me a comforting dose of self-worth; one that I needed and appreciated at the time. I felt that Rabbi Gutfreund believed in me, and in response, I didn’t want to let him down. That note, together with some gentle words of encouragement, helped me move upward to the place that was expected of me.

Rabbi Gutfreund was indeed a menahel par excellence and although when necessary he dealt with talmidim with the firm and demanding hand of a principal, the love that coated his every act was clearly felt.

Yehi zichro baruch.

T.B.

Pay What You Can [Inbox / Issue 1039]

I’d like to weigh in regarding Eli Blum’s ideas about putting a lien on the homes of people receiving tuition breaks and publicly thanking those who do pay in full. From my perspective as a member of the board of directors of a local school and the father of six children who are going through or have gone through the system, I’m fully aware of the costs involved in teaching our children and the reasons for high tuition bills. When we were able to, we paid full tuition and didn’t expect to be thanked in return.  That was our obligation that we happily accepted.

It is not a good idea, nor fair, to issue liens against a home in return for giving breaks on tuition. Many families that receive scholarships would never be able to pay off such liens. In my opinion, a better suggestion is to end the practice of publishing tuition rates. Instead, each family would be assessed on their ability to pay. There would be no such thing as “full tuition” anymore. Every family would pay what they can afford, just as we are supposed to do with maaser. Those who can afford the most would pay the most, and those who can afford the least would pay the least, without either side feeling a need for gratitude or thanks from the other side. Any shortfall would be funded by community members who have the means to support others.

Barry Graham

Silver Spring, MD

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1042)