“The Yamim Noraim are an auspicious time for us to bring our outer conduct in line with our inner values”

Please Keep Writing [Second Thoughts / Issue 1028]

Dear Rabbi Feldman,

The past couple of weeks, I perused the Mishpacha Inbox and found the letters warmly addressed to you. In full agreement with their sentiments, I decided to dig up the column under discussion. Now I’d like to add my own thoughts...

I will admit that I did not notice your column was missing, but it was no reflection of how much I appreciate it. Fourteen years ago, when we started subscribing to Mishpacha, your column was the one that made me say, “Hey, this is good stuff!” Your hashkafos (and I don’t mean which political party you align with, but rather your penetrating perspective on life) drew me in.

I also want you to know that it was your books, Tales Out of Shul and The Shul without a Clock, that made a deep impression upon an intellectually curious younger me in sixth grade. You helped me to question and search and ultimately find a lifestyle that resonated with me as emes.

Baruch Hashem, life takes its course, and I am now at a stage where I am lucky if I can get a glance at the Kichels. Reading an entire article is often beyond reach. So forgive me for not noticing. (I do recall, several years ago, your column did not appear for one week, and I feared the worst — but I was put at ease when it returned a week later.) Please, do keep writing with the knowledge that your ideas are refreshing and inspiring and appreciated by so many!

And one more thing: If your column in Issue 1028 taught me one thing, it is that no matter the stature of any writer (or producer of any creative material, or public figure), we all appreciate kind words of feedback. They keep us going, keep us committed, and keep us idealistic about our mission.

Now that I have humbly entered the world of professional writing myself, I see more and more how far that feedback can go — even (perhaps especially) for the people we assume are “above and beyond praise.” Thank you for yet another lesson in human nature, proper bein adam l’chaveiro behavior, and Torah hashkafah about hakaras hatov.

Thank you for a great biweekly column.

M.K.

First Make This Work [All Worked Out/ Double Take – Issue 1029]

After reading the Double Take story, I intended to respond immediately, but after reading some of the letters to the editor, I also want to respond.

I think there is something inherently wrong when girl commits to a job and leaves on such short notice. I have been a worker for over 25 years (I am employed in a family business), and it has not been easy all the time. When I consulted with experienced people, they told me, “The same issue you have in this job, you will have in another job. Put in all your efforts to make this work, and only then think about a change.”

Guess what? After putting in sometimes a little and sometimes a lot of effort, over 90 percent of my issues got resolved, and I am a happy employee, baruch Hashem, for many years. I came to the realization that most issues have more to do with me and my perspective than with the other party.

A Happy Employee

Aligning the Inside and Outside [Guestlines / Issue 1030]

Thank you to Rabbi Dovid Gernetz for his thoughts on the significance of the apple on Rosh Hashanah.

To add another dimension, the Gemara in Shabbos 88a questions why Shlomo Hamelech in Mishlei compares the Jewish People to an apple tree. Tosafos there explain that the word tapuach, generally translated as “apple,” really means “esrog.”

Malbim brings the opinion that the esrog was the Eitz Hadaas on which Adam and Chavah sinned in Gan Eden, together with the opinion that the esrog was the one tree that followed Hashem’s command that the earth bring forth “fruit trees bearing fruit,” meaning that the inner nature of the fruit and the outer nature of the tree would be one and the same.

Malbim goes on to suggest that this is the “fragrance of Gan Eden” that Yitzchak Avinu smelled when Yaakov came in to receive his blessing — what Rashi describes as an apple orchard is really an esrog grove. Yitzchak sensed that the person before him would reunify the inner and outer aspects of creation that were split apart by Adam’s sin, and therefore he bestowed his blessing.

The Yamim Noraim are an auspicious time for us to bring our outer conduct in line with our inner values, to unite the higher and lower worlds by pursuing unity within ourselves and among our people.

Ethically yours,

Rabbi Yonoson Goldson

The Ethics Ninja
 

Torah Dictates Morals [Inbox / Issue 1030]

I read the Inbox letter “A Moral Failure” about the Double Take (“All Worked Out,” Issue 1029), decrying Russy’s decision to leave her job in Meira’s software company, at first with interest, and then a growing disquiet. The writer felt strongly that the protagonist’s decision was ethically wrong, and went on to indict a list of people and systems, among them Russy’s parents, school and seminary, as guilty of moral failure.

I’ll admit that at first, I identified with the letter writer’s sentiment. When I read the original story, I was also surprised at the presumably fictitious psak that allowed Russy to leave her employer stranded like that.

I understand why the author had her fictional character consult a rav — the situation so clearly demanded the guidance of daas Torah. Honestly, I’d love to know if the sh’eilah was really asked and what Torah hashkafah would dictate in such a situation. But that plot twist also removed the ambiguity that Double Take discussions in the Inbox thrive on. Once Russy received a psak from a rav, there is no room to call her decision a moral failure. Torah dictates morals, and not the other way around.

C.M.

We Don’t Know the Whole Story [Screenshot/ Issue 1030]

I usually find Shoshana Friedman’s articles very insightful. But the last piece regarding Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu had several flaws.

To even entertain the possibility that Bibi is at fault for not doing enough to release the hostages would require factual knowledge of many factors that are only known to the upper echelons. In addition, this accusation assumes that Bibi is the sole decision-maker on any agreement for Israel’s side, and that Hamas is actually willing to accept a deal of any kind.

The article, though, mainly found fault with his apparent lack of empathy for the hostages, particularly noting his stiff uncomfortable posture at the shivah. I don’t know about you, but I am often stiff and uncomfortable when I am menachem avel. I can’t even fathom how stiff and uncomfortable I would be if, in the back of my mind, I thought the relatives I was consoling might feel I was to blame for the death of their loved one.

A.S.

A Memorable Teacher, Too [Still Singing His Song / Issue 1031]

What a treat to read the article about Rabbi Gershon Fordsham of Gateshead.

As someone who grew up in Gateshead, I was excited to read about the “behind the scenes” of the Gateshead Boys Choir and hear the familiar Yamim Noraim nusach in my mind as I read the article.

What the article did not mention was that Rabbi Fordsham played a role in the girls’ education as well. For many years, he taught Jewish history in the Gateshead Jewish High School for Girls. I’m sure I’m not the only one who will always remember the question “Good or bad?” with which Rabbi Fordsham introduced us to each of the kings in Jewish history, and the vivid way he recounted the fascinating stories of the era.

For me, those lessons ignited a love of Jewish history that still remains.

Rochel (Grunewald) Samet

Gateshead/RBS

The Wrong John Spencer [The Year Everything Changed / Issue 1031]

While I definitely appreciate the sentiment expressed by Colonel John Spencer, I wanted to make you aware that the accompanying picture is not him.

The picture you published is of an American actor by the same name who died in 2005.

May we have a year of health, peace, and only good for all of Klal Yisrael.

G.D.

Queens, New York

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1032)