“I think Picture This is doing a masterful job at highlighting some of the challenges that come up for a newly married couple”

Rav of One of the Last Minyanim [Streetlights and Shadows / Issue 1022]

Thank you for your informative article regarding the second district of Vienna. You mentioned the Schiffshul, yet you failed to mention Reb Yeshaya Furst ztz”l, the rav of the Schiffshul, nor did you mention Reb Yosef Baumgarten ztz”l, the dayan of the Schiffshul. Both Reb Yeshaya Furst and Reb Yosef Baumgarten were prewar Torah luminaries. In fact, as you mentioned, one of the only remaining prewar shuls is the Schiffshul’s upstairs minyan, which was Reb Yosef Baumgarten’s minyan.

R. F.

Brooklyn

Austria’s Shameful Past [Streetlights and Shadows / Issue 1022]

The article about Vienna brought back memories of a disgraceful period in Austria’s history. There is an attempt by today’s Austrians to hide the “sins of their forefathers.” As for Austrian Jewry, this is a new generation, a generation that didn’t know their grandparents or the events that transpired during the Holocaust.

I was an eight-year-old third-grader in March 1938 when Hitler’s armies marched through the streets, unopposed and cheered on. An invading army being given a hero’s welcome. (The term “invasion” wasn’t used; “annexation” was the permitted term.)

It was a Friday night, and we sat in dark rooms and watched our Austrian neighbors wave German flags and yell, “Heil Hitler.” Although Austria was a Catholic country, and the Catholic Church did not look favorably upon Jews, there was little anti-Semitism in our immediate surroundings.

Until that evening, we had been on very good terms with our neighbors. The next day, they did not greet us. Instead, they assisted the Germans in identifying all Jewish professionals. They were considered a threat. Their families soon received a package of ashes. (The crematoriums did not exist yet.)

That Shabbos the streets were packed with people celebrating an invasion of their country. The Austrian chancellor (schuschnig) had abdicated, and everyone became Germans, ready to give their lives for the Fuhrer.

These were Austrians. The Nazi party had previously been outlawed, yet the Nazis had penetrated everywhere — the colleges, universities, the famous Viennese medical school. There were secret, illegal groups meeting in basements and back rooms.

On Monday, when we returned to school, we were told to sit in the back of the room. We could listen to the classes, but we couldn’t participate. It was then that we learned that all our classmates as well as their parents and siblings were (Nazi) party members. Our teacher proudly proclaimed that she also belonged to the party.

On Kristallnacht, the “super” of our building furnished the local Nazis with the apartment numbers of all Jewish tenants. They ransacked our homes, took all our silver and jewelry. They wore Gestapo uniforms, but their accents were Austrian.

Austria betrayed not only its Jews, but its own people as well.

In May 1939, we were one of the few families who managed to leave.

I know of no one who survived after September 1.

G. Biegeleisen

Brooklyn, NY

Speak with Care  [Outlook / Issue 1023]

As always, I enjoyed Yonoson Rosenblum’s Outlook column about the decline of both the US birthrate and its family values. His insights were valuable and on-point.

I did, however, want to take note of the opening of his piece. Rosenblum notes that J.D. Vance took some heat when an old comment of his — calling women without children “cat ladies” — resurfaced and made the rounds in the media. “It is never a good idea [for a candidate] to insult an entire demographic,” Rosenblum acknowledges. “Clever people, it seems, are often too clever for their own good. Things tumble out of their mouths… faster than their censoring mechanisms can kick in.”

I take issue with that assertion. The ability to close one’s mouth, or to realize that perhaps not every thought flitting through your head needs to be shared, isn’t correlated with IQ (certainly not inversely so). As frum Jews, we’re bound by a multitude of laws limiting our speech — with no heterim for intelligence or even political ambition.

To put it baldly: Smart people can say dumb things. Dumb people can say dumb things. People with integrity speak with care and wisdom — and it’s such a shame that the current political climate values neither, rewarding mudslinging and vicious insults with all-precious clicks and coverage. And if you ask me, that’s where the real cattiness comes in.

Name Witheld

Empathy Is a Middah [Perspective / Issue 1023]

I have tremendous respect for Rabbi Ginzberg and everything he has achieved in his incredible life, kein yirbu. I just want to ponder together. The way I see the world, it’s not necessarily the case (and has never been) that those who see graphic tragedies or emotionally charged interviews are the ones who heed the call to be “nosei b’ol im chaveiro.” It isn’t those who are connected to news platforms who daven the hardest.

The greatest leaders of our glorious nation have never seen a clip or heard an interview yet are so tuned into nosei b’ol. This is because nosei b’ol im chaveiro is a middah and has to be worked on like any other middah.

One of the gedolim was asked why members of the chevra kaddisha aren’t ‘’Tishah B’Av Yidden’’ every day by virtue of what they see. He replied that the horses pulling the cart with the meis also don’t shudder at the sight. His sharp answer implied that introspection and absorbing the feelings of others are middos that have to be acquired.

This must not be confused with the tears of people who are able to cry easily. That’s just a personality, not a middah. In life in general, on Yamim Noraim, on Tishah B’Av, or R”l at a levayah, there are two types of people who cry: emotional people and deep, pure-hearted people.

I remember standing at the levayah of Reb Elya Boruch Finkel ztz’’l. I saw Reb Reuven Leuchter standing at the side. As a talmid of his, I felt it was bal tashchis not to ask him a question that was bothering me. I approached him, but he immediately looked at me sternly and said, “I’m being misbonen this great tragedy, this isn’t the time to talk.” He was deeply internalizing the loss of a huge talmid chacham and friend.

The Alter of Kelm speaks at length about using our imagination and remembering even slightly similar situations that have happened to us in order to try to feel the way the person with the tzarah is feeling.

I know what a deep-feeling and pure-hearted tzaddik Rabbi Ginzberg is and ask him to teach us the art of being truly nosei b’ol im chaveiro.

Rabbi Yonah Levi

A Common Problem [Inbox / Issue 1023]

Regarding the reader who wrote in saying the serial Picture This, about newly married couple Estee and Yonah, is a “disservice to the klal” based on her objective experience of one and a half years of marriage, I want to say I’m genuinely happy that this reader has such a strong marriage.

However, I feel very strongly that I have to write in because I think some of the reader’s letter is actually a disservice to the klal and requires clarification.

To start with, being six months out from shanah rishonah doesn’t make one objective. I’d venture to say that that is still pretty newly married. But even if this reader were to be married longer, I’ve found through my own training and work with married couples that it’s common to think your way of living is the norm.

This comes from a good place — in an effort to keep our marriages private, which we should, we often don’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s marriage. I think clarification must be made that in fact, the tensions of the marriage being portrayed in Picture This are actually quite common. (I prefer the word “common” to “normal.”)

I think the serial is doing a masterful job at highlighting some of the challenges that come up for a newly married couple. I don’t think there’s a middos issue at all here, and don’t think it’s fair to throw middos into this... It’s natural to become defensive when faced with criticism, and many of the other issues being portrayed in the story are normal as well.

We’re human and we may have good middos, but still make mistakes. Sure, there is a lack of boundaries, issues with communication, etc., but these are common issues that newlyweds face. The serial goes as far as to show pretty mature apologizing, acceptance of said apologies, regrets over certain actions, and more. I think the story is doing a great job of showing how an inexperienced couple may navigate these challenges if they don’t have proper guidance.

Could they use some help? Of course. I wish all couples had someone to reach out to for advice in these areas.

Not every couple has a “shanah rishonah bubble,” and I think looking forward to that (as the letter suggests) is unrealistic. Marriage isn’t a blissful fairy tale with no issues, nor would we want it to be such. The goal of marriage is to journey together and overcome challenges to become closer and closer to total unity and connection.

Marriage is also not a drudgery of “hard work.” Ideally, you’re going through this journey with your very best friend. Picture This depicts a common shanah rishonah version of this balance well — a lot of what is described in the story does actually describe that “bubble.” The story definitely portrays the couple as enjoying life together and states plainly that they see each other as best friends, which is an important aspect of marriage.

I speak on a shalom bayis podcast once a week and I actually used this as the topic of conversation this week, bringing various instances from the story itself to support my claims, but I’ll spare you my entire talk. Suffice to say, I think Picture This is very accurate for many marriages.

The letter suggested that the serial should come along with a disclaimer that the story could be very damaging for many young couples to read.

Perhaps a better disclaimer would be, “Please note that the content of the story is quite common. If you’re relating to some of the interactions here, here are some resources to whom you can reach out to help you navigate this properly and build a strong foundation which will serve you for the rest of your life.”

S.M. Davis

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1024)