“This isn’t about respecting our elders. It is about people keeping a senile man in a position he should not be in”

We Are Messengers  [Inbox / Issue 1019]

I, as I’m sure many other nonprofit leaders do, grapple with many of the questions being raised in the Inbox in the last few weeks: What qualifies as a need? Who is needy? What level of needy qualifies for the organization’s funding? How much of this process needs to be disclosed to donors? What level donor should have access to this info, if any?

I look at the distribution of funds from a different angle.

Baruch Hashem, I have ability to be a conduit of giving because of the generosity of others, but I’ve also lived the struggle of asking. Maybe that’s what made me establish a few cardinal rules:

1) If I personally choose to lend or give someone funds, I do not look at how they live or how they choose to spend it. If I choose to give it, I leave it to that person to choose how to spend it.

2) As an organization, we set criteria together with our boards. And each organization has different reasons for why they will or won’t ask certain details. Some need pay stubs, some detest the question. Some rely on references from rabbanim, as they find income itself is a tough deciding factor. In the mental health field, for example, some give funding to their clients to encourage them to stay committed to the treatment. What I’m pointing out is that there is often a line of reasoning behind how the financial assessment is done.

But then there is the stuff no organization can know. We only know what we are told. Or see. We don’t know about money hidden in some savings or under a mattress or in an investment…. Sometimes it’s by design that Hashem blinds us.

I’ll never forget a story that happened years back when I was asked to shop with a kallah (and fund the shopping). I had no idea until weeks later that the family had a huge keren they didn’t want to touch…. While I was with the kallah, I noticed some troubling symptoms, and when the kallah had it checked out, discovered were signs of a precancerous growth. When I later found out about the keren, I didn’t even feel upset. It was so clear to me that Hashem wanted me there at that time for other reasons.

I try to remember that I am only a messenger. As a messenger I have responsibility to get information in the best way I know how, in a manner that is both helpful and dignified. But I also know that if we find out things later, that was because it was the Will of Hashem.

Let’s never forget, both as individuals and organizations, that we are merely messengers. When we take things personally or get angry with recipients, it might be time to check where the holes in our boundaries are or where we perhaps need to do some inner work.

May we always be zocheh to be on the giving end.

Sarah Rivkah Kohn

Founder & Director, Links Family

He Brought It on Himself [Open Mic / Issue 1019]

Rabbi Botnick deplores the treatment President Biden has received and calls on our community to be better, and not make fun, mimic, or pass around videos showcasing his every mistake.

I disagree.

Vice President Biden, during his presidential campaign, was quite clearly experiencing some degree of dementia. If it was clear to me sitting at home, it must have been far more clear to the physicians who did his examinations, as well as all those around him. He would have unquestionably known what his status was while he still could make decisions.

Yet he chose to proceed with his candidacy. If he had gone home after his vice presidency, as he should have, he would have faded off into obscurity with public dignity. What is being mocked are a result of his behaviors when he was of sound mind. He invited this treatment upon himself.

There is actually a toeles in the treatment of the president: to hopefully make clear in the consciousness of every voter the severity of his impairment. As Yidden it probably behooves us not to make fun of him, but I would think it is appropriate to make sure all are aware of the severity of his impairments.

One thing I know: He doesn’t deserve to be in any way equated with Zaida Harry a”h.

MMG 

Hewlett, NY

Misplaced Criticism [Open Mic / Issue 1019]

With all due respect to Rabbi Botnick, I don’t agree that a mussar shmuess about respecting elders in the context of Joe Biden is in order. This isn’t about respecting our elders. It is about people keeping a senile man in a position he should not be in. All the ridicule is actually targeted at the machine that is doing this terrible disservice to both the president and the citizens of the United States. This was misplaced criticism on Rabbi Botnick’s part. He should be criticizing the family and political party allowing the shame and danger senility is bringing on this man and his country.

Toby Brecher

Israel

They Don’t Match Up [Open Mic / Issue 1019]

Many thanks to Reb Shmuel Botnick for sharing memories of his illustrious grandfather Reb Aaron Pinchas Botnick (a.k.a Harry P. Botnick), with whom I shared a davening table at the Viewmount Shul for many years. It’s true that in his final years, the senior Mr. Botnick needed help knowing which day it was and similar short-term memory issues. But I also recall that in his last year, at the age of 92, Harry Botnick did the weekday leining flawlessly without prior notice or preparation whenever the regular baal korei was absent. He might not have known what day of the week it was, but he always knew who was a Kohein, Levi, and Yisrael. For the truly important matters, he had no cognitive decline.

And that’s where the mashal doesn’t match the nimshal. If the President’s cognitive issues are limited to the occasional slip of the tongue, they are of no consequence and not worthy of mention. But if he has become prone to influence to the extent that his policy decisions reflect the radical left wing of his party, then we have a serious problem with his candidacy.

A Fellow Mispallel

Don’t Lose Your Greatness  [Open Mic / Issue 1019]

The only news I see comes from “news updates” from a few different frum news sources. Since I live in Israel in the midst of a war, I feel the need to look at these updates regularly. But like I did four years ago, I dread the bias I see when it comes to the presidential election. There’s no such thing as objective news any more. I understand that. But the way many people in the frum community will pounce upon perceived failings of the side they don’t like (and the flip side, the way they overlook the failings of the side they do endorse) leaves me wincing every single time. This isn’t how Jews should talk. By all means, support the candidate you think best, but not by mocking the other side.

Aside from questions about muttar and assur, becoming a person who makes fun of anyone isn’t good for your sensibilities and sensitivities. We can and must be better. As a cautionary tale, I remember last presidential election here in Mishpacha a truly vile and cruel letter accused a convert of not being truly Jewish because they were going to vote against the writer’s preferred candidate. That is where mocking and mean rhetoric takes you.

Thank you to Rabbi Botnick for reminding us that the candidates are still human beings — and that we as Yidden must not lose our greatness when we discuss politics

Miriam Druyan

Carrying the Burden [20 Questions for Rachel Ginsberg / Issue 1019 ]

In the interview with Rachel Ginsberg, she references a recent piece she did with Yonoson Rosenblum about Hamas’ targeted destruction of the agricultural infrastructure on 10/7, entitled “Bitter Fruits.” She noted that, “it was a planned, sinister agenda aimed at bringing Israel’s economy to its knees. I had no idea about this, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.”

I think it’s fair to assume — as she does — that most of your readers were unaware of this. The article was eye-opening, informative, painful, and very important. Thank you for bringing such a frightening and crucial component of Hamas’ attack to the forefront and educating your readers. I actually cut out the article and saved it for future reference.

Additionally, I’m remiss in not writing sooner to thank you for your excellent, ongoing, empathetic, authentic, sensitive, and important coverage of the war since October 7; even over nine months later.

One of the 48 traits by which Torah is acquired is through being nosei b’ol im chaveiro (Pirkei Avos 6), and during these times when the enemy rises to destroy us once again, it is incumbent upon every Jew to feel the pain of their fellow (as much as possible), daven for them, and do whatever we can to increase ahavas Yisrael.

Your excellent coverage helps us feel more connected, informed, and most importantly, reminds us weekly — even over nine months later — that there is still a very real war going on. None of us are exempt, and when part of Klal Yisrael is under attack, the entire nation is under attack — and must partake in whatever way possible (for those of us who live abroad, be it though our learning, tefillos, tzedakah, and lending support to our brothers and sisters more directly affected, Rachmana litzlan). We must all remember the words of Moshe Rabbeinu to Reuven and Gad, “Ha’acheichem yavo’u lamilchamah, v’atem teishvu poh — Shall your brothers come to war, and you shall stay (ignorant of their travails, living in supposed peace and quiet, unaffected by the war) here?” (Bamidbar 32:6).

Thank you for your comprehensive war coverage, and may we merit the day when the news will be full of besuros tovos, simchahs, and geulah for our holy nation and our beloved Land, b’karov mamash.

Michal Horowitz

Woodmere, NY

Memories from Down Under [Standing Ovation / Issue 1019]

For many of us oldies, the Standing Ovation column is a delight to read. Each time I read it, beautiful memories from my youth come back to life.

Down Under in Australia, summer is in December and January. In the 60s and 70s, camps only ran for ten days (but we packed in a full program). We never had big productions at camp and there were no guest singers or bands. What was special though was that the campers made their own ruach by singing at every meal. They were the band!

On the final night of camp, we used to have a singathon and sang through the whole camp song book. We had a “ruach chart” on the wall, which went from low to medium to high to “dveikus.” After each song the madrichim would mark the level of the kids’ ruach on the chart.

We also had “counterpoint seminars” for non-frum students from a local high school, a kind of forerunner of kiruv camps. They were run by madrichim from Yeshiva University. There were ruach sessions and kumzitzes, and once again there were no guest singers. One of the faculty was in charge of the singing at the seminar and usually played accordion or guitar at the meals.

One year, Shlomo Carlebach came to Australia on his third singing tour. We quickly organized that he would squeeze in a visit to the seminar. We wanted the high school students to enjoy his special stories and niggunim. When Reb Shlomo arrived to perform, the kids had not yet finished the previous program. All of a sudden, I noticed Reb Shlomo sitting in the dining room eating an ice cream cone. I went up to him to apologize for the delay. In his unique way, dear Reb Shlomo’le said to me, “Listen, my dearest friend. If I can’t sing for the kinderlach, at least I can make a brachah on this ice cream.”

Uncle Velvel,

Australia

Spotlight on Phoenix [The Great Escape / Issue 1019]

I read the article “Gone West” about one woman’s experience visiting the Phoenix Jewish community with some interest. I am writing this from Yerushalayim, where I am visiting for the shloshim of Rabbi David Rebibo z”l, one of the founders and leaders of Phoenix’s frum community. (Rabbi Rebibo and his Rebbetzin shetichyeh, made aliyah four years ago and settled in Yerushalayim. He was niftar on the 10th of Sivan. Full disclosure: I am his son-in-law.)

When the Rebibos came to Phoenix in 1965, on shlichus for Dr. Joseph Kaminetsky of Torah U’Mesorah, to bring Torah to the region, there was no Orthodox synagogue, school, mikveh or kashrus.

There were unaffiliated Jews. Rabbi  Rebibo founded the first Jewish institution, an Orthodox school, the Phoenix Hebrew Academy, which has been a TU school since its inception.

He opened Congregation Beth Joseph, which continues to be a hub for Orthodoxy. He brought in a shochet to provide kosher meat for the city and for the state of Arizona, eventually leading to several kosher restaurants. He supervised the milk and milk products through a large dairy, a skill which he had earlier launched while in the Yeshiva of Aix-les-Bains in France.

He founded and directed the Phoenix Vaad HaKashruth, which still oversees products, establishments, and restaurants. With the guidance of  Moshe Feinstein, he built the first mikveh, with the oversight of Rav Nota Greenblatt, two eiruvin. He established a chevra kaddisha. He opened up the first girls’ high school and the first yeshivah high school and beis medrash, and later a kollel affiliated with the congregation and academy.

He hosted great gedolei Torah on their visits to his kehillah, including Rav Simcha Wasserman ztz”l, Rav Zacks, the rosh yeshivah of Slobodka ztz”l, Rav Yaakov Weinberg ztz”l, the leaders of Torah U’Mesorah and ybl”c Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky.

Other synagogues came later, some of which faded away as some rabbis came and went and as the neighborhood moved, and some which continue to thrive. With time, other schools, kollelim, and yeshivos were established. He welcomed Chabad to town a decade later and continuously worked closely with its leaders. Much later, the Bucharian community arrived, and its rabbis considered Rabbi Rebibo their mentor and chacham, as he guided them in developing their interest in introducing their own shechitah, and other traditions, and as he welcomed their children into the Academy, often waiving tuition.

Rabbi Dr. Dovid Fox

Director, Crisis and Trauma Services, Chai Lifeline Rabbi and Dayan

Southwestern Hospitality [Outlook / Issue 1017]

Thank you for your tribute to Rabbi David Rebibo. I just want to add a story that happened on my visit to Phoenix on summer of 1977. We were four people driving cross country: My kibbutznik brother (Yona) and his wife (Leah), another brother and me. We came to Phoenix on a Thursday in August. It was 125 degrees. Yona and I decided we would each call someone to see if we would be invited for Shabbos and have a place to stay through Sunday. Up to that point, our experience with American hachnassas orchim had been wonderful. We had enough stories to write a full article.

There was a bank of pay phones, and we each put in a dime and made a call. Yona called a person whose daughters had volunteered on kibbutz and I called Rabbi Rebibo, since I knew two of his sons from Ner Yisroel. Yona didn’t get an invite. Rabbi Rebibo apologized and said that his son Joel just got married the night before and he really had no room to put us up. However, he invited us to the sheva brachos that were being held that night for the entire community. Note that Phoenix was a very small Jewish town. We went to a municipal pool to change and shower (it cost 25 cents to get in). Remember, it was 125 degrees and our a/c in the car had blown. We walked into the sheva brachos at the day school building and were welcomed by a greeting line of chassan, kallah, and family.

The first thing Rabbi Rebibo said was, “We have a place for you to stay.” Their neighbors the Rosenthals hosted us, and we had a wonderful Shabbos in Phoenix. Despite all his obligations, he saw fit to perform the mitzvah of hachnassas orchim and did so in a way that enabled us to relax and enjoy the simchah.

A second point in reference to the story about Rav Avraham Schorr’s derashah encouraging men to learn one Mishnah every two hours during the work day. The concept of pausing during the day and break up the work with our main obligation in life — learning — was the theme of Rabbi Ephraim Wachsman’s Shavuos shiur Erev Yom Tov in Sh’or Yoshuv about five or six years ago. An idea he mentioned that I know I have internalized, as have many others, is that even though every day we are usually out of the house for more hours than we are home, we still call our house “our home,” so too, even though we may spend many hours of the day doing other things, we still view learning as our primary activity in life.

Eliezer Cohen

An Easy Trap [Double Take / Issue 1017]

The story of the uncle being upset at his nephew for seemingly splurging on what he deemed extravagant hit a cord with me, as I collect money and give to the poor. I learned very early on that being in a position to give can cause you to think you know best and have an opinion on how the poor and needy should live their lives. It’s a trap that is easy to fall into and can cause a lot of pain for all parties.

I was once at the shoe shop when I was a girl, and a noted baalas chesed walked in with a girl from a poor family and only let her choose from the sale or damaged goods. I felt this girl’s humiliation. Maybe this contributed to my sense of giving with dignity and trying not to judge the people on the wrong decisions they make. Poor people like nice things, too, and they also need vacations and outlets. I’m not saying to take other people’s generosity and splurge, but I am saying that the older I become, the more I realize that I really don’t understand anything, and that many times we really don’t know the whole truth.

Remember, those who give, in reality are receiving much more.

Anonymous

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1020)