Children whose parents were killed in terror attacks find a circle of healing

Photos: OneFamily; Flash90

How can a young person who suddenly loses both parents in a terror attack move forward through the paralyzing darkness, engulfed in crushing agony and despair?

When the world is crashing down, someone who’s been there and traversed the pain to the other side can provide a framework for healing. OneFamily matches recent victims with a circle of people who understand how one act of terror changes everything forever

“Everywhere I go in life, every stage I enter, I do so accompanied by my 17-year-old self. She’s always there, in the background, waiting to be noticed, to be nurtured. But mostly, she is mourned.”

T

amar Kol-Kapach was 17 years old, the second of three children, when her parents left her and her 15-year-old brother for Shabbos. It was just a few weeks before the scheduled disengagement from Gush Katif, and Tamar’s aunt wanted her sister and brother-in-law to spend Shabbos with them in their home in the town of Yamei Tal before it was slated for destruction.

“We waited for my parents to come home on Motzaei Shabbat,” Tamar remembers. “We waited and waited. Hours passed. It wasn’t like them at all. And then, my older sister and her husband walked in. And right then, I knew. My parents were never coming home.”

Dov and Rachel Kol of Jerusalem were shot and killed in their car by terrorists on the 17th of Tammuz, 2008. That was the moment that Tamar’s childhood ended.

Back then, she would have never dreamed that not only could she heal and rebuild, but that one day she’d find herself on the other end: giving support, encouragement, and hope to newly bereft victims of terror. It took the initiative and insight of Marc and Chantal Belzberg, founders of the OneFamily organization, to transform Tamar from a victim to a healer.

OneFamily is a leading organization in Israel supporting victims of terror and their families. It provides short- and long-term emotional, financial, and rehabilitative assistance to those impacted by terrorism, a number that has unfortunately more than doubled since October 7.

But perhaps its most novel innovation is the “Sayeret” — a special self-dubbed OneFamily team whose members have lost both parents to terror attacks.

“OneFamily’s tagline has always been ‘the power of together,’ ” Chantal says. “We’ve learned in our 23 years of experience that bringing together groups of people who have a shared experience in a supportive environment creates microcommunities of healing.”

Mothers, fathers, spouses, grandparents, in-laws, children who have lost parents, children who have lost siblings, young adults who have lost parents and or siblings, women whose husbands were injured, men whose sons were injured, mothers whose sons were injured…. All of them can find someone to help them heal.

“The breakdowns of separate groups means that each and every person who is struggling to focus on the positive, to live with grief and loss, is both receiving and giving, as they heal alongside friends,” says Chantal. “We provide a circle of people in their lives who can truly understand how much one act of terror changes everything, forever.”

After the staggering losses of October 7, OneFamily sprang into action, reaching out to the fresh victims of the current war, inviting them into the family, bringing new orphans of both parents into exclusive Sayeret events, in the hopes of being able to reach them, deep in their pain as they are. Because only someone who has been there, who has teetered on the abyss of complete and utter grief, can make promises that this bitter night won’t last forever.

“This year, we invited orphans from the October 7 massacre to attend the Sayeret Chanukah party,” Tamar shares. “Looking at them was almost too much to bear. It brought me right back to that moment — I’m 17, and my sister is telling me that my parents are gone. In one second, I lost everything: my parents, my security, my childhood, my innocence. I lost it all that Motzaei Shabbat.

“But I was willing to revisit that pain for them, for these survivors, these victims with such fresh anguish on their faces. Because only someone who has been there can tell them that one day, they’ll get out of bed, and it won’t hurt as much. I’ve been there.”