Fundamentally, every person in this world has the same mission: revealing G-dliness

Facilitated by Faigy Peritzman

Q:

When I was younger, I often heard shiurim discussing how to define your tafkid in life. I clearly remember one seminary teacher stating you should look at what’s easy for you and at what’s hardest for you, and let those two parameters define your tafkid. It all sounded so idealistic and clear-cut.

However, as I’ve grown older, I feel that my tafkid has shifted based on the circumstances of my life, not leaving me to figure it out on my own. My single years demanded the kochos of emunah and tefillah. When I got married, I worked on vatranus. Early motherhood meant patience and more tefillah. Older kids meant acceptance and, of course, more tefillah. Now, I baruch Hashem have just had my first grandchild and am aware that the years are moving faster. Have I even concentrated on fulfilling my unique tafkid or just reacted to life’s nisyonos? Perhaps I’ve missed the boat. But how else am I supposed to figure this out?

Hineni

Shevi Samet

WE

all know we have a tafkid in this world, yet sometimes, we are so consumed with trying to identify our tafkid that we may actually undermine our ability to fulfill it.

Fundamentally, every person in this world has the same mission: revealing G-dliness. The unique way we do this is what people generally refer to as their tafkid. There is no foolproof way to know with 100 percent certainty what our pathway to this revelation actually is. We have no control over it, no way of choosing it or shaping it. Our tafkid can and does evolve based on whatever Hashem determines is the ideal context for us.

Suppose you’re a teacher (guilty!), and on a deep level, you sense your tafkid is to reach your students and guide them (also guilty!). One morning, you wake up with the worst case of laryngitis. You clearly aren’t teaching today, but does that mean you don’t have a tafkid? Of course you do. Yesterday, today, and im yirtzeh Hashem tomorrow, you have a tafkid, despite having different tools with which to accomplish it. The only thing static about our tafkid is that it’s our personal revelation of Hashem in this world.

Avraham Avinu’s tafkid had been to teach people that Hashem is One and idolatry is false. When Hashem tells him to sacrifice his long-awaited son, the nisayon wasn’t only personally painful. It also had the potential to threaten his life’s mission and cause a tremendous chillul Hashem. And despite his reservations, Avraham says, “Hineni.” I am here, where You put me, showing up as best as I can, given the circumstances. Nowadays, we don’t have ruach hakodesh or nevuah, meaning we lack total clarity. We do, however, have our own intuition. Discerning our tafkid is one of the hardest things we contend with. Sometimes, we don’t want to be where we are, we want to be where we imagine we would be most impactful. In our classroom, teaching inspiring words of Torah, not in bed, nursing a sore throat! But wherever we are, wherever He places us, by responding hineni, we are glorifying Hashem and fulfilling our tafkid.

Shevi Samet is a wife and mother, educator, kallah teacher, and Core MMC.

Self-Discovery, This Way

Ruchi Koval

I

sn’t it interesting how real life is never as simple as it sounds in a classroom?

And that’s kind of the whole point.

If Hashem would show up at our house and knock on our door and present us with our tafkid, all wrapped up with a bow on a silver tray, that would be so lovely — and also short-circuit the entire process.

Because accomplishing your purpose on this planet isn’t just about doing a job. It’s about discovering what that job is. That very journey of self-discovery is a huge part of the growth.

But of course, as we say in our morning brachos, Hashem is “hameichin mitz’adei gaver — He prepares the footsteps of mankind.” What that means is that He gently nudges us in the direction that we are supposed to go, if we’re open and willing to look for those signposts in a clear-eyed and humble way.

The answer to your question is already in the question. The way Hashem “points us in the right direction” is precisely through our nisyonos, which exist because Hashem loves us and wants us to grow, to fulfill our unique tafkid. Sometimes, it can even be profoundly disappointing to discover that the purpose which you imagined for yourself is not actually what Hashem had designed for you. That the tafkid you envisioned in seminary turns out to be dramatically different from the life Hashem is offering you.

As you suggested in your question, very often, the purpose that we originally thought was ours eventually gets supplanted by life’s challenges. Those challenges become the guideposts to our growth. Those challenges tell us why we’re here.

And if we’re willing to truly face that, to accept the tafkid laid down by Hashem instead of the tafkid we thought we were going to have, we will indeed have achieved our purpose.

Ruchi Koval is a parent coach, author, kiruv rebbetzin, and public speaker who helps parents struggling with their teens and adult children.

Focus on the Present

Elisheva Kaminetsky

F

rom the tone of your question, you strike me as someone who’s a bas aliyah, somebody who’s working on her middos at all stages of life. Kol hakavod to you.

Hashem wants us to work on ourselves at each stage of life by using our circumstances. Everything that happens to us and all of the circumstances that surround us are footholds for us to push ourselves forward, developing ourselves as we climb the ladder of life and grow ever higher. That is our tafkid.

Defining your unique tafkid can be easily confused with the idea that every person is unique. It can feel as if you’re searching for your own personal talent or hobby. But in reality, a tafkid is not what makes you unique. You sing beautifully, so that’s your tafkid? No. Instead, it’s the distinctive role that you play in any given situation in your life. In every unique circumstance where you find yourself, whether it’s a new stage of life or on a daily basis, Hashem provides you with opportunities to find your role in that situation — your tafkid right then.

We need to be flexible and recognize that the role we played yesterday isn’t necessarily the role that we’re meant to play today.

In discussing your unique tafkid, you need to be open to possibilities, to look at the opportunities that life brings you as springboards for you to extend yourself in ways that you never have before. In that sense, your question of defining your unique tafkid isn’t a puzzle to figure out now for the rest of your life, but a question you’ll constantly return to over the course of a lifetime.

Your tafkid is to focus on the present. Right now, given the people I interact with and the circumstances where we find ourselves, what role can I play that will further develop myself and help those around me? Having figured that out, you know your tafkid for now. You’ll deal with the future when it becomes the present.

Elisheva Kaminetsky is a wife, parent, grandparent, principal, adult educator, consultant, and kallah teacher.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 949)