Crushing loss didn’t break Mrs. Shifra Hayman, it only made her more determined to maximize every moment 

When I open my front door in the morning, the very first thing I see is a sign that reads, “Hayman.” Every day, on my way home, I’d see Mrs. Shifra Hayman sitting with a different woman from the community in her beautiful garden. Every day I told myself that I, too, wanted to get to know Mrs. Hayman.

I understood she wasn’t up to talking much anymore, but I noticed how every visitor would bask in delight. It piqued my curiosity.

I never knocked on that door, so I never got to know this special woman. She passed away four days before Yom Kippur at the age of 75. I resolved to find out what drew so many people to her.

For the first seven years of her life, Shirlee Rose Gassman (as she was known then) lived in Chicago. Her family moved to an Indian reservation, and then again to San Diego.

She attended UCLA, where she earned a bachelor’s degree in French, but as she grew in her Yiddishkeit, she became increasingly disappointed by how much anti-Semitism pervaded French literature. She wanted to concentrate on growing her religious observance, so she rejected a scholarship to learn in Bordeaux, went back to school, and got a master’s in social work.

After she met and married her husband, Eliyahu Dovid (then Alan), the two of them embarked on a journey together to learn more about Judaism. They attended a shiur given by a rotation of rabbis, one of whom was Rav Simcha Wasserman ztz”l. They joined a Conservative temple, first participating in the weekly service, then kashering their home.

The couple moved to the San Fernando Valley, a suburb of Los Angeles, and got permission from the Conservative temple rabbi to run an Orthodox minyan in a classroom inside the building. They built a mechitzah and handed out Birnbaum siddurim (one of which had been a wedding gift from Rav Wasserman).

But just as they were building up the minyan, the temple installed an alarm that wasn't permissible for Shabbos use. Mr. Hayman removed the mechitzah and siddurim, returned his key, and that was the end of the minyan. The Haymans realized there weren’t enough people in their L.A. suburb to support an Orthodox minyan.

They began to spend Shabbos in YULA (Yeshiva University of L.A.). By then, their only daughter, Shoshana, was ten years old. The three of them would all happily sleep on mattresses on the floor in an office in the yeshivah. They kashered their kitchen again, this time fully in accordance with halachah.

After two years of commuting back and forth to YULA, they moved to the Pico-Robertson neighborhood of L.A. They also got remarried (after Mr. Hayman had a pidyon haben), with kosher eidim. When they learned about glatt kosher, they kashered their kitchen a third time. They became well known for having many guests, especially yeshivah bochurim.

Fifteen years later, a simchah on the other side of town led them to the shul of Rabbi Gershon Bess. After being exposed to the structure, davening, and learning in Rabbi Bess’s shul, they wanted to be a part of it. After Friday night davening, Mr. Hayman turned to his wife and said, “Time to move!” Mrs. Hayman fully agreed.