P arshas Korach

  “…and Dasan and Aviram went out standing upright at the entrances of their tents together with their wives their children and their infants” (Bamidbar 16:27).

The Midrash Tanchumah comments: See how serious is machlokes. Beis din doesn’t punish below the age of 13 and Beis Din shel Maalah from the age of 20 but here even the babies were lost.

Why were the babies punished if it was the adults who sinned? (Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz Sichos Mussar)

Camp was the great melting pot of my youth. From all over the country girls would descend on this stretch of wilderness in the Catskills eager to blaze new trails together.

Year after year we’d leave the cozy comfort of our cliques and create friendships that lasted a lifetime. It didn’t matter where you came from or what background you had. Here in the woodsy enclave of pine trees and moss we were all equals.

Lisa and I were bunkmates when we were 12. Our bunk was small and despite the diversity in backgrounds and personality we quickly became a tight group. Rochie was a born leader and Suri her sidekick. They both knew how to light a fire hit the most homeruns and cheer the loudest. But behind the dramatic duo everyone knew Lisa was the backbone of our bunk. Her maturity lifted her above our petty preteen tangos and made her the peacemaker and mediator of the gang. Even the staff was crazy about her. The gemara in Sanhedrin (107a) discusses the juxtaposition of the topic of ben sorer u’morer — a rebellious son next to the topic of ishah yefas toar — a captive woman. The gemara says this teaches us that whoever marries a captive woman will in the end bear a rebellious child.

Although the parents will try to teach him the Torah can see his ultimate end and says better he should die innocent and not guilty. (ibid.)

It was at a late-night fire that I found out the secret to Lisa’s success.

“My parents are divorced ” she said biting into a burnt hot dog. “My mom’s usually in the hospital. I live with my dad.”

I was taken aback by her calm disclosure. Most girls in such a situation would be looking for sympathy or drama.

“That must be tough for you.”

“My dad’s the greatest ” she said with her trademark smile. “He taught me that you don’t get to pick what’ll happen in life but you can pick how you deal.”

Lisa and I became fast friends and bunkmates for the next eight years. We visited each other in seminary and attended each other’s weddings. Then she moved to LA and I to Eretz Yisrael and although we tried to keep in touch the phone calls became infrequent.

The Ramban writes on the pasuk in Devarim 29:17: “Perhaps there is among you a root that produces hemlock and wormwood.” 

The root refers to the parent that will blossom and in the future will put out bad flowers that will grow bitter.

So too here. The root of machlokes is so poisonous that it grows from the roots in the father and sprouts in the children. Chazal therefore say that because of machlokes even the newborns are lost. (ibid.)

A few years ago I got a phone call.

“Hi this is Rivka I’m Lisa Schwartz’s daughter. I’m in seminary and would love to come to you for a Shabbos.”

When I opened the door for Rivka on Friday afternoon I burst out laughing. “You look exactly like your mother!” (Gosh how clichéd can I get?)

She smiled with that same mega-watt smile. “Everyone tells me that.”

Throughout Shabbos I found myself being transported back to my bunk days. Rivka’s voice and mannerisms all screamed of her mother’s personality. But more than that through her comments during the meals and at a late Friday night powwow with my daughters I picked up similarities that went much deeper than luck of the gene draw.

Rivka was poised and mature with a balanced approach to life that mirrored her mother’s.

In a world where we seem to blame parents for most of society’s ills it was heartening to observe how family dynamics can also take credit for deep-seated virtues.

This week Lisa sent me pictures of Rivka’s new daughter. I kvelled to see that the trademark smile has now been passed to the third generation. (Originally featured in Family First Issue 547)