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| A Better You |

Decide with Confidence

Pregnancy means making medical decisions, possibly for the first time

Decide with Confidence
Tsippy Kraus
Pregnancy means making medical decisions, possibly for the first time. Here’s how to handle it

P

regnancy and birth bring a flood of emotions, physical changes, and decisions. Suddenly, you’re attending regular appointments with your midwife or obstetrician, discussing a wide range of protocols, options, and interventions. With so much information being presented, how do you make choices that reflect your values while keeping both your safety and your baby’s wellbeing your top priority?

It’s normal to feel confused; after all, we’re taught to trust medical professionals, yet also told to question and advocate.

It’s important to recognize that while the expertise of a professional is essential, you are the expert on your own body. Your knowledge of yourself, combined with the team’s professional understanding of birth, creates a powerful partnership. You are not a passive participant; you are a key decision maker, though some of the issues may require consultation with a rav.

So how do you advocate for yourself while still working alongside your medical team?

One simple and effective tool is the acronym B.R.A.I.N.S. This framework helps you explore all sides of a medical decision and ensures your voice is part of the conversation. (Note: In any emergency where you or your baby are in immediate danger, trust your care team and proceed with urgent medical care.)

Let’s break it down:

B – Benefits
Ask: What are the benefits of this intervention? Are they relevant to your specific situation? Are the potential advantages significant enough to outweigh any associated risks? Don’t hesitate to ask for supporting research or studies. It can help you make a fully informed decision.
R – Risks
Ask: What are the risks involved? Sometimes, unless prompted, risks are not fully explained. Ask for the potential short-term and long-term consequences, and request evidence if needed. Understanding both the benefits and risks gives you a more balanced picture.
A – Alternatives
Always ask: Are there any alternatives? Sometimes, just raising the question leads the medical team to consider creative or less invasive options. You may discover a plan that better aligns with your needs and values.
I – Instincts
Pause and check in with yourself. Our maternal instincts are strong and deeply rooted, even if they get overshadowed in clinical settings. Take a moment of quiet to listen to your inner voice; it often knows what feels right.
N – Nothing
Ask: What if we do nothing for now? Not every decision requires immediate action. Taking a “wait and see” approach can be very powerful, especially in labor, where things can change quickly. Giving yourself this space may result in a completely different, more intuitive decision, and a favorable outcome later on.
S – Space
Sometimes the sheer number of people involved — doctors, nurses, family members etc. — can feel overwhelming. If you need to, ask for a few moments alone. Turn off your phone, step out of the room, or ask others to do so. Creating space allows you to think clearly, without pressure.

 

Using B.R.A.I.N.S. isn’t about rejecting medical advice, it’s about engaging with the medical team as an equal partner. This approach allows you to look back on your birth experience knowing that every choice was made with care, intention, and love, for both yourself and your baby.

Tsippy Kraus is a childbirth educator and birth trauma release practitioner. She also founded Birth Journeys Online, a prerecorded online childbirth education course for Jewish couples.

 

Don’t Let Dating Undo Chinuch
Rachel Burnham with Bassi Gruen

WE

spend years raising our children to be thoughtful and self-aware. We teach them to recognize their worth, to value their voice, to notice what feels right and what doesn’t.

And then comes the dating stage — and suddenly, when a girl says, “He makes these subtle digs that are kind of hurtful,” or “I’m just not comfortable with him,” we urge her to be flexible. “Give it another try,” we say. “He checks all the boxes.”

But when we do that, we’re asking her to override everything we spent 20 years instilling in her. We’re asking her to doubt the very voice we helped her develop.

Yes, maybe the boy has a solid résumé. Maybe you know and admire the parents. Maybe it’s been a long time since she’s had a date. Still, if she’s saying no, even if she can’t quite explain why, let her trust her gut.

Don’t frame it as, “You haven’t had a date in a year and a half… but it’s up to you.” That’s not neutral, it’s fearmongering. And pressure doesn’t always come in words. If you’re baking for the l’chayim, that’s creating unnecessary stress.

She spent years learning to listen to her inner voice. If she’s hesitating, it’s for a reason. Listen to her voice. Trust the work you’ve done.

Rachel Burnham is a dating coach and speaker. After marrying at 34, she dedicated herself to helping singles date from their most authentic selves, navigate singlehood with dignity, and make it proudly to the chuppah.

 

Cut Yourself Some Slack
Shoshana Schwartz

IT’S

easy to label yourself as lazy.

Sure, sometimes we put things off simply because we’re tired, distracted, or just enjoying a quiet moment. That’s human. But when procrastination becomes your go-to mode, it’s usually not about laziness at all. The reluctance often stems from resistance. And behind resistance lies anxiety or fear.

Fear of rejection or shame, fear of failure or success, or even fear of discomfort can create an unconscious block that keeps you stuck.

For example, you might keep putting off organizing your finances — not because you’re irresponsible, but because a budget feels like a loss of freedom. Or you avoid calling a certain sibling because you’re afraid of conflict, or of hearing something you’re not ready to deal with.

Identifying that resistance or fear is the first step to moving past it. After that, you can strategize ways of moving forward. Journaling can help you uncover hidden emotions or beliefs. Writing with your nondominant hand might unlock perspectives your conscious mind overlooks. Talking it out with a friend or your spouse can provide valuable insights. Tapping gently on your fingertips while staying curious can help those fears surface and be heard. Going for a scenic walk can ease your mind and make space for clarity.

The next time you’re tempted to call yourself lazy, pause. Ask yourself, “What might I be afraid of?” Exploring this question with curiosity and kindness helps loosen the resistance and makes room for movement.

Shoshana Schwartz specializes in overcoming compulsive behaviors, including emotional eating, codependency, and addiction. She’s the founder of The Satisfied Self.

 

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 949)

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