P arshas Bamidbar

“And Hashem spoke to Moshe… saying… ‘Count the heads of the congregation of Yisrael… every male…’ ” (Bamidbar 1:1–2)

It’s interesting that Hashem used the word “saying” when giving this command to Moshe. In general the word “saying” implies that Moshe should repeat what he’d heard to Yisrael. But this was Moshe’s personal commandment to count so what should he repeat to Yisrael? (Rav Menachem Nachum MiChernobyl Me’or Einayim)

“If you don’t want them in your house why keep them in mine?”

My mother had a point. For years she’s stored the boxes of my memorabilia that I had no room for. Maybe if my own kids would throw out some of their junk…. This seemed to be a never-ending cycle so I decided to have mercy on my mother and downsize.

I sat in my old bedroom contemplating a stack of yearbooks. Picking up one of a class a few years older than mine I was immediately engulfed in memories of late nights heated color wars and DMCs when I should’ve been in science class.

Year by year I ventured back pausing by my own class’s yearbook to take stock. Here the faces were less bygone. I tried to keep updated on my classmates. I set that yearbook aside to take home with me.

Hashem counts each member of Klal Yisrael individually as it says (Yeshayahu 40:26) “All of them He calls by name.”

The Gemara in Yevamos (63b) tells us that the Shechinah cannot rest if the nation is not complete — not one soul can be missing.

This also refers to souls that have fallen; even a rasha isn’t lost. It says in II Shmuel (14:14): “He devises means so as not to push away the one who is pushed away.”

The soul may need to fix itself to rise higher but it’s never lost. (ibid.)

The pile of yearbooks was only half finished. For every year I taught I received a yearbook from my students. Their faces smiled up at me they were suffused with excitement ready to step out into the real world they were sure they’d conquer.

I’ve been lucky to have kept in touch with many of my students. But despite my efforts there were some I’d lost contact with. Time distance and life had gotten in the way.

Where was Chani of the perpetually crooked glasses her endearing grin conquering the learning disabilities that shoved poor grades into her face despite her best efforts? Was she working? Mothering? Somehow I had confidence she was succeeding. She had the inner strength that would enable her to succeed when faced with the real challenges of life.

But what of Rachel? My fingers paused drawn to the black-and-white photo of Rachel her eyes boring into mine. She’d gone for the dramatic in that picture. Well that was Rachel — all melodrama and teenage angst.

Where was she now? Had she found her place in life? Or was she still pursuing a fleeting dream? Lost in memories my fingers slowed emotions threatening to swamp me.

What of Chana Baila? Her life had been so rough. A dysfunctional home aching poverty. Yet within that setting a bright thirsty soul yearned to make sense of an unfair world.

Time stilled and I stopped flipping pages. Where were they all? All the Suris and Chanies the Avitals and Fraidas. At one point I’d been connected to their emotions thoughts and milestones. And now…

At this time after the Golden Calf Bnei Yisrael were also fallen souls. That’s why Hashem used the word “saying” when commanding Moshe to count Bnei Yisrael. Each one of Klal Yisrael must realize he counts. Even if he fell he must rise higher connecting to his family and his roots because we’re all part of the Avos and need to strive to reach their level.

A person may have many twists and turns in his journey upward but he can rise. No one gets lost. (ibid.)

My cell phone rang jerking me out of my reverie.

“Mommy! When are you coming home? Tatty said we can come to the airport to get you!”

The past vanished erased in the intensity of the present. I finished the conversation then gently lifted the stack of yearbooks. Some would come home with me. Others would be relegated to the past.

But the faces and names that filled them would always remain with me. And I knew that somewhere out there each one of these women was making her own impact on the world. (Originally featured in Family First Issue 543)