Estee groaned. She really, really didn’t want to do this. Like any of it. But she’d given Yonah her word. And after all their arguments lately, she didn’t want to rock the boat.

She peered into the mirror, gave her pale reflection a little salute, and then pulled out her phone to text Ayala.

Haven’t seen you in forever! Car date tonight at like 9? You bring the Slurpees.

Barely a minute passed before Ayala texted a thumbs-up emoji in response.

Ohhh boy. Here we go.

But that was hours away. First, she needed to figure out how to make money without passing out on anyone. She’d been doing word-of-mouth advertising for Photoshop, and she’d received two clients. One needed a brother photoshopped into a family photo, and one needed an ex sister-in-law photoshopped out, so there goes the cycle of life.

She posted on the local Neshei.

Estee’s Photoshop now offering photoshop! Need to fix, trim, or enhance? 

We do face swaps, background blurs, and more.

Make that almost-there image picture perfect!

That was enough hishtadlus for one day. She needed to go to sleep before her powwow tonight.

She vaguely remembered that she used to cook dinners at this hour, nearly fainted from the thought, and fell asleep.

A Coke Slurpee was actually exactly what the doctor had ordered. Estee slurped happily while Ayala played on her phone. The car had AC and Ishay Ribo was crooning softly in the background. Estee decided she might just move in.

Finally, when she couldn’t procrastinate any longer, she placed her drink in the cup holder and massaged her freezing fingers. And then she bit the bullet.

“Ayala,” she said, turning to face her new friend. “Are you happy?”

She watched in dismay as Ayala’s face crumpled and she began to cry.

Estee placed her hand on Ayala’s arm and just let her cry. Finally, Ayala’s sobs slowed. “Estee… it’s just so not what I imagined. It’s too hard. I think I’m done,” she whispered.

Okay, if anyone was done, it was Estee. She was exhausted, she was nauseous, she was cranky, and frankly, she was annoyed that Ayala thought it was normal to be “done” after six months.

“Have you spoken to your kallah teacher?” she asked.

Ayala looked at her, one eyebrow raised. “Uh, no.”

“A mentor? Rebbetzin?”

“No.”

“A rav?”

“No….”

“A therapist?”

Ayala looked down at the diamond ring on her finger. “No, but I can just tell. It’s over. We have no spark, no chemistry. I want someone who sweeps me off my feet, who plans things, who runs things, who hustles.”

Estee stared at her. “So why’d you marry Pinny?”

Ayala shrugged. “I liked how nice he was. He still is… but that’s just not enough.”

Estee took a deep breath, ordering herself to not do anything dramatic like throw up or faint until she was safely out of Ayala’s car. “Okay, but you do understand that most nice guys are not big hustlers? Those two traits don’t exactly go hand in hand. So if you want one thing, but you chose another… well, here’s the reality: traits are usually a package deal.

“Pinny’s the kind of guy who will always help out even when he’s tired and not in the mood. No, he’s not the guy who will make a boatload of money so you can have endless cleaning help while he’s never home. But is that what you want?”

She was feeling oddly worked up. Then again, maybe it wasn’t so odd.

Ayala’s face shuttered. “You lost me.”

“Fine! So speak to you kallah teacher. Or mentor. Or rav or therapist. Literally anyone older and wiser. Just don’t give up until you do. Promise?”

Ayala rolled her eyes. “Fine. Promise.”

Estee yawned. “I better get to bed, I’m zonked.”

“It’s only 10:15.”

Estee grabbed her Slurpee and hopped out of the car. “I know! And that’s 15 minutes past my bedtime.”

She waved as Ayala drove off. Poor girl.

And even though she was freezing, and exhausted, Estee stood there for a moment and davened for Pinny and Ayala. And then for Yonah and herself, because they could also use all the Heavenly help they could get.

To be continued…

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1033)