6:40 AM EST

Awaken to find that 4-year-old has emptied the contents of my jewelry box on the bedroom floor.

Inquire what on earth is going on in here?

4-year-old is baffled by agitated tone; he was merely making a jewelry store.

The need for coffee is deeply felt, yet I am unable to leave the vicinity or risk a repeat jewelry store.

7:00 AM EST

Infant requires diaper change.

In process of on-bed diaper change, linens are soiled and the bed requires stripping.

Begin linen-stripping procedures; interrupted by calls from 4-year-old requiring restroom assistance.

Coffee making is postponed until further notice.

7:15 AM EST

4-year-old is done in the restroom.

Resume linen-stripping procedure.

Completed at 7:20 AM EST.

7:25 AM EST

4-year-old is requested told urged forced to leave the room so I can dress.

7:30 AM EST

Sounds of 2.5-year-old being rudely awakened noted.

7:35 AM EST

Complete dressing procedures and hasten to children’s sleeping quarters to begin their morning routine.

7:40 AM EST

Battles ensue over who shall be first for negel vasser.

My attempts at negotiation are futile.

4-year-old is forcibly removed from restroom after negel vasser is poured on sister’s head.

Deep breathing techniques are initiated.

7:45 AM EST

4-year-old reports that I am the worst mother.

2.5-year-old is devastated at the state of her wet hair.

Infant in bedroom adds his voice to the protests in solidarity.

Lack of coffee is poignantly felt.

7:50 AM EST

4-year-old is appeased with the opportunity to get dressed first.

Resume regular morning programming.

7:52 AM EST

4-year-old wants to wear blue sweater that is in the laundry.

Offers of other sweaters are not accepted.

Negotiation procedures begin.

Infant insists on being held throughout.

7:55 AM EST

Discovery made: no clean socks in the drawer.

Children are ushered to breakfast table sans socks and blue sweater.

8:00 AM EST

Cereal and milk are distributed.

A swift journey to laundry room is undertaken to locate socks and blue sweater.

Blood-curdling screams from breakfast table noted.

8:05 AM EST

Return to breakfast to determine cause of screams.

2.5-year-old has spilled milk and is expressing frustration.

8:10 AM EST

Milk is cleaned.

Socks and blue sweater are distributed.

A mug is filled with hot water in preparation of coffee-making, interrupted by infant’s projectile vomit on carpet.

8:20 AM EST

Carpet cleaned according to regular cleaning protocol (wet wipe).

Begin filling backpacks with provisions.

4-year-old will not put on his coat because wearing his coat rolls his sleeves up.

Initiate a patient and insightful lesson in tips on how to put on one’s coat without the sleeves rolling up.

8:25 AM EST

Husband returns from morning prayers.

Smile and offer a greeting and then sneak away to kitchen to continue coffee-making.

The instant coffee is poured into the mug and mixed with a spoon.

8:30 AM EST

Husband leads children into minivan to bring them to their respective daycares.

I wave heartily from the front door.

8:32 AM EST

The milk is poured into the coffee cup.

Coffee-making procedure complete.

The morning’s logs are postponed until coffee drinking and relishing is through.

*Ahhhhh*

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 941)