Sarah: You should trust me enough to know that I’m telling you the truth.

Shira: If you never share anything with me, how can you expect me to understand?

Sara

W

hen Daniel told me the Oakland deal had fallen through, I barely spared it a thought. We’d been through so many ups and downs over the years, and now all the kids are married. We were more than comfortable. So a deal fell apart at closing; it happens. Why was he even telling me?

“Is it a huge mess?” I was remembering the property in Vancouver. Daniel had lost a lot then; all the kids were little and we’d had no cushion. A big gamble and a big fall. But things were different now.

“Not a mess, just a disappointment.”

I grinned into my coffee cup. Daniel hates losing.

I didn’t think about Oakland at all until a couple days later when I found Daniel in his home office, looking awful. He turned toward me when I walked in, and said my name, “Sarah.” His face was pale. He drew his hand to his chest slowly and rested his forehead on the table. “I can’t breathe.”

“Should I call Hatzolah?” I pulled out my phone. Daniel was in great shape. This made no sense.

He waved a hand. “No, no.” He lifted his head, leaned back, and closed his eyes. His chest rose and fell.

“Can you breathe? I’m calling them!”

“No, no, don’t, I think it’s just…” Now his body began to shake, I could literally see him shaking. He threaded his fingers together and squeezed. “It’s just…” His breath was fast, way too fast. Did people having heart attacks breathe like that? “It’s just… a panic attack.”

I had read about this — a million articles over the years; panic attacks, you feel like you’re dying. I just stood there frozen, my phone in my hand. “How do you feel?”

“Awful.” He rocked back and forth.

I crouched near him. “It’s just a panic attack, nothing bad is really happening.” I sounded like a fool and I knew it. I needed him to keep talking to me. “How do you feel now?”

“I can’t breathe, I can’t think, when is it going to stop?” He was moaning like a kid. I started to dial again, then stopped. How long do these things last?

“Breathe with me, in and out.” He sucked in a few breaths, his hands still shook but his color was returning. “Listen, Daniel, I’m here with you, it’s going to be okay.”

He shook his head vehemently. “It’s not, it’s not going to be okay. You think the Oakland deal was a fluke. What if it happens again? We’re supposed to close Manny’s property in Virginia next week, what if…”

Oh. this was about the Oakland deal. Yeah, actually, I was pretty sure it was just a fluke. I tried to remember what you’re supposed to say to someone with anxiety. Something about worst case scenario?

“Listen, Daniel, probably it won’t happen—”

“It will—” He was slumped over the desk, shaking violently, gasping.