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arshas Lech Lecha

“Then Avraham fell upon his face and laughed.” (Bereishis 17:17)

We find the concept of tzechok laughter several times in the Torah.

In parshas Vayeira (18:12) it says: “And Sarah laughed [vatitzchak] within herself.”

Later (21:9) it says about Yishmael: “And Sarah saw the son of Hagar… mocking [metzacheik].”

Each of them laughed but each time it was completely different. Onkelos translates Avraham’s laughter as happiness yet says that Sarah’s laughter refers to scoffing. Therefore Rashi explains Hashem was upset with Sarah but not Avraham for not believing she’d have a son.

Yishmael’s laughter referred to idol worship as Rashi comments on the Cheit Ha’eigel (Shemos 32:6): “They arose to laugh [l’tzacheik].” Rashi offers another explanation saying it refers to murder as it says (Shmuel II 2:14): “Let the young men please arise and play [yesachaku] before us.” (Rav Meir Rubman Zichron Meir)

A friend of mine was recently informed of the sudden passing of a family member. She was totally unprepared for such terrible news and in her shock she started to laugh. That was the least expected reaction but she couldn’t stop for several minutes. She keeps reliving that terrible laughter as a part of the trauma of her grief.

We learn that it’s difficult to categorize a person according to his actions for everything depends on the intent of the one performing the action. (ibid.)

The Torah teaches us that we shouldn’t jump to conclusions about people based upon their actions. They may be laughing out loud but crying inside. Instead of assuming you know what’s going on try to look beneath the surface.

We often define things with quick assumptions. That child is lazy. Our neighbor is selfish and our boss is plain old irritable. We glance at the externals like newspaper headlines and file away the information as conclusive facts.

But behind each action there’s a real person and the emotions he displays may not really be what he’s feeling. Is your child’s laughter coming from inner happiness? Or is he in pain despite his laughter? Are you in tune with his emotions or are you judging him by his actions?

A person has an obligation to examine his actions and weigh and measure them so that each and every action is performed with integrity and truth. (ibid.)

A friend and I were sitting on a park bench watching our kids enjoy the balmy weather. I handed out carrot sticks and crackers to my children while she rummaged in her bag for some snacks.

After handing her kids apples she pulled out a bar of chocolate a bag of potato chips and a can of Coke.

“This is my weak spot” she said ripping the bag open with glee. “Want some?” she offered as my eyes widened.

“No” I said politely “I already ate.”

“Hah” she said. “I also ate already. But this” she popped open the can of Coke “is my weakness.”

I could see that. But I wondered why. What was going on inside her? Why are chips and Coke so important to her on a weekday afternoon? Is she eating to relax? Escape? Distract? I wondered at the emotions behind the actions.

The long winter is approaching. Darker colder days. Will the warmth inside me overcome the external chill? It’s time I reached deep inside to find what’s really motivating me. I’m not just a superficial creature who laughs cries eats or sleeps from instinct. What drives my actions?

We need to understand our motives. If a person wants to grow a garden within his soul he must plow first reach down and discover his inner core. And then that self-knowledge can fuel the planting of a magnificent garden.