"And Rachel said, ‘[With] divine bonds I have been joined to my sister; I have also prevailed’; so she named him Naftali.” (Bereishis 30:8)

Rashi explains the name Naftali as an expression of “crooked and twisted” [from the word pisaltul, twisted], referring to the many times that Rachel had repeatedly and stubbornly begged Hashem to be equal to Leah. From here we learn that in matters of spirituality, we need the attribute of stubbornness.

When Rachel Imeinu saw that Hashem wasn’t giving her children, she could have left the matter alone, confident that He had good reasons for her barren state.

But she wasn’t talking here about renovations beyond her budget or a family vacation she couldn’t afford. She was being denied a part of building a holy nation, and therefore she persisted, using all her strength to achieve this goal. Because she was so stubborn and didn’t back down, in the end she was successful. (Rav Shimshon Pincus, Tiferes Shimshon)

“It’s a boy!”

A few moments later, the nurse presented a swaddled little bundle and placed him gently on the examining table. Within seconds, and the baby had completely kicked off his blanket.

“Oh-oh! This one’s a stubborn one.” She swaddled him again.

I leaned weakly back against my pillow. A stubborn one. Another one.

When Hashem was handing out stubborn kids, he gave the whole world one tenth and the rest to me. There’s no dislodging my kids once they take a stance. Just battling the budge often takes all I’ve got.

I was once feeding my toddler vegetables. He refused, turning his head away. I kept insisting, pushing the spoon against his lips. (Actually, maybe I know where they get their stubbornness from.)

“Just one bite! Try one bite!”

I finally managed to get one bite into his mouth. Smiling in smug satisfaction, I washed his face and let him down to play. An hour and half later, it was time for his nap. After tucking him in his crib, I heard him calling me. Entering the bedroom, I saw that he had spit the whole mouthful of veggies into his crib. He’d never swallowed, but had played for over an hour waiting for the chance to spit them out.

I’d met my match.

Stubbornness is an important foundation in reaching the heights of ruchniyus. Sometimes a person sees many obstacles from Heaven that stand in front of his service of Hashem. He has to be stubborn and oppose them with all his strength — and in the end, he will be successful.

We see by Akeidas Yitzchak that the Satan tried in many ways to stop Avraham Avinu. So too, when someone’s on his way to achieve a spiritual goal, the Satan tries to stop him in many creative ways. Without stubbornness and mesirus nefesh, it’s impossible to reach the summit.

“It’s not cold, I don’t need a coat.”

“If I eat meatballs, I’ll throw up!”

“I won’t be tired if I go to the chasunah.”

Day after day, dilemma after dilemma, I’m faced with backbones as strong as mine. Over the years I’ve learned to pick my battles. Kids don’t melt from raindrops, meatballs are not super-food, and the state of a teenager’s exhaustion is his private property. Don’t get involved. Instead I wait for the crucial stuff.

“You cannot have firecrackers on Purim.”

“Motorcycles are beyond our budget.”

“You absolutely cannot camp out all night in the cherry tree.”

Persistent. Pertinacious. Peritzmans.

It says in Yeshayahu (41:14): “Fear not, worm of Yaakov.”

Yisrael is compared to a worm, because a worm never gives up. When he’s inching along and comes to an impenetrable wall, he doesn’t despair. He just reroutes himself around the wall and continues on his way.

So too, Klal Yisrael must never despair over the obstacles that are thrown in our path to serving Hashem.

It’s exhausting anticipating each step by step. Sometimes they win, sometimes they lose, but always I’m battered as the backboard of their bullheadedness. Yet deep down I’m glad they’ve got this backbone.

It’s the same determination that kept my Opa from working on Shabbos. The same fierceness that forced my Zeidy to flea Russia alone to Eretz Yisrael.

It’s the power to say, “No, I don’t watch that stuff,” and to say, “Yes, I want a learning boy even though money may be tight.”

It’s intractable, tenacious, and tough.

And I pray it’ll always be there, helping them stay true to Torah.

(Originally featured in Family First Issue 617)