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Ballot Box: Issue 934

Turns out, we’ve been seriously underestimating fall all these years

Last Week’s Poll

Fall has officially begun, which means, uh… it means that, um… sheesh, what does it mean? The other three seasons all have something going for them. Summer means vacation. Winter can be cold, but who cares? That’s what hot cocoa is for. And even if you don’t appreciate poetry, you can’t not like spring, when the birds are singing a song of hope and promise. But what does fall have to offer?

Turns out, we’ve been seriously underestimating fall all these years. We received many responses, most of them a shout-out to the beautiful display of colors that grace nature during this season. We’re inspired! Just for the record, we at Ballot Box appreciate color as well. Black is our favorite, white is second best. All the stuff in between just gets confusing.

Time to Get Climbing

You know those Hallmark cards that say things like “Once You Climb a Mountain, Everything Looks Small”? The background on these cards is always rows of trees with colorful leaves, taken, no doubt, during the fall. This must mean that fall is a time to be inspired to do stuff like climb mountains. So, get out your climbing gear, and once you get up there, make sure to send us a card.

Sweet Spot

There’s this pocket of time between Succos and clock-changing doomsday when life seems to be working out. Minchah is at 6:00, and you can feel virtuous by davening neitz because it’s at a respectable 7:15. On Shabbos, you’re actually hungry when Shalosh Seudos comes around, and then again at Melaveh Malkah. Fall is great — until it falls — backward.

I never quite figured out the changing-of-the-clock thing. Isn’t Dr. Middos’s Time Machine a figment of someone’s imagination? I have no idea. All I know is that I’m still fleishig when it’s time for Melaveh Malkah and am totally not in the mood for leftovers. So, fall is good for like, a week.

Blessed Break

This ballot box must have been written by a man. Personally, I’m looking forward to catching my breath in the fall, and I think balabustas worldwide are, too. Beginning of Adar till the end of Tishrei is a mad dash of costumes — shalach manos — clean, cook, cook, cook, clean, serve, cook, and clean some more — Lag B’omer — cook and clean again for Shavuos — kids home for summer vacation — get ready for school — two days of school — aaaaannnnnd… cook and cook and cook and cook — Erev, Motzaei, Erev, Motzaei, Erev, Motzaei Yom Tov…

And now, in the fall, there’s a whole week between Shabbosos. Kids in school five to six days every week. Regular life! Fall should be celebrated. (But please, not with any extra meals or days off!)

Conspiracy Theory

Last week, the Ballot Boxers shamelessly asserted that we all love summer. Have you forgotten the heat? I spent the whole summer canceling my summer plans due to the fact that it was summer. In fall, the weather is great. In fact, I have a theory that vacation was invented by a team of sadistic school principals. They know summer weather is awful, so they said, “Ha ha ha, let’s schedule vacation now.”

And then, when fall comes along, and the weather is awesome, they rub their hands together gleefully. “Ha ha ha, now, let’s get those naughty little children indoors before they begin having fanciful ideas of fun.”


(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 934)

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