When the opportunity to go back to camp as a married staff member arises, men jump. What’s that like for their wives?

There are two kinds of men in this world: camp men and everyone else. Camp men are enthusiastic. A song or cheer is always on the tip of their tongue, and they can turn everything into a game. Most people think camp men are a little crazy. It’s possible they are, but they don’t mind.

Thing is though, camp men grow up, get married, and have families. But camp fever never dies. When the opportunity to go back to camp as a married staff member arises, these men jump. What’s that like for their wives?

A Good Wife

Being a good wife seems to be a prerequisite to having your husband attending camp. Almost all of those interviewed spoke of their husband’s undying love for camp and their desire not to interfere with that. “I’d be a monster to say no,” says Sarah Rochel Feigelstein, whose husband has been an assistant head counselor in Camp Munk for the past ten years. Sarah Rochel’s husband was in camp until a week before his wedding and then missed a year when they were living in Israel during shanah rishonah, but he spent every day of that summer on the phone keeping tabs on what was going on. He was miserable. So, when given the chance to go back to camp, there really wasn’t a question.

Mrs. Leah Trenk wins the contest, though, by having celebrated her Shabbos sheva brachos in Camp Munk. Her husband was a rebbi in Camp Munk until his passing two years ago, and they attended camp for the 54 years they were married.

Shani Lichtman was also doing camp since shanah rishonah; her husband was the assistant head counselor at Camp Agudah for 27 years and has been the head counselor of Camp Ruach Chaim for the past 10 years.

Tami Meisel’s husband always wanted a camp job. He worked in a bungalow colony, running the day camp for a few years. When a camp maintenance job opportunity came up a couple of years ago, he jumped at it. Tami hesitated, though; she liked the easy bungalow colony life.

Both Sarah Rochel and Shani were big camp people themselves. Shani was already an overnight camper at the age of five in Katantanos, and Sarah Rochel’s mother is the head counselor of Camp Chayil, so she spent her childhood in the Camp Bnos ecosystem. That made them well-adjusted to the camp life, particularly camp accommodations — but not to the unique creatures boys are.

Truthfully, boys are just like other people; they’re just a different gender, shocker. And that leads to a natural distance between the wives and the campers. It’s understandable, but it’s also lonely.

Lonely Wives Club

Camp wives only have each other, and some camps have a small staff with a wide range of ages, so you don’t necessarily have someone who’s perfect friend material.

Even Tami, whose husband does maintenance in a girl’s camp, feels the damp blanket of loneliness. The other women are wonderful, but they’re there as staff, not as wife-of-staff, and most of the camaraderie and chatting and relationship building happens during staff meetings.

“I know all the patterns in my kitchen floor and the number of tiles on the wall,” Tami says. She did run a small workshop one summer, and it was nice to be a part of things, to get the daily emails, and schmooze with the girls, but a part of her still wants her summers off.

“If I wanted a job, they’d give me one, but I’m not sure I want to work in the summer,” she says, torn between the pros and cons and inertia. Technically, her sister-in-law is a staff member, so she has a built-in friend, but working in a camp is a full-time job, and her sister-in-law doesn’t have time to sit under a tree and schmooze bungalow colony style. “Sometimes I sit in my husband’s golf cart and tell him, ‘You’re stuck with me for the day.’”

But at least she can do that. If you’re the wife of an assistant head counselors or head counselor, that’s not an option.

“My husband isn’t mine in camp,” Shani says. “He’s on call 24/7, and he falls into bed at four a.m. It’s tempting to call my husband when I need him because he’s on the grounds, but even if he’s nearby, he’s not available.” She says this matter-of-factly; she took the job knowing it entailed this level of commitment.

Shani recalls the year her child was engaged to be married after the summer. On the last day of camp, one of the assistants wanted to book tickets to attend and asked her husband for the wedding date. Her husband turned to her and asked: “When’s the wedding?” He literally had no clue!

You might think that Shabbos would bring some sort of respite, but nope, it’s a 24/7 job, and even if the energy and programming is dialed down on Shabbos, there’s still a schedule to follow. And we all know what happens the second you stop moving after a crazy day. “He’s bombed,” Shani says of her husband. She has her married kids come up for Shabbos so she doesn’t sit alone at the table during the seudos. “I love the ruach and zemiros on Shabbos. That does give me something.”

There’s also the middle-of-the-night phone calls. Tami’s husband gets those on occasion. “Girls get over-excited when all they need is a plunger,” she says with a laugh.