Here’s the truth: I’m not a parenting expert. I’m just a parent

"Oh, you would be a good person to ask!”

I was sitting at a seudah, juggling the demands of my children, when my cousin spoke up. I froze. History has proven that in most cases, I am not a good person to ask.

“Okaaaay,” I answered slowly. “I’m probably not the person you’re looking for, but what’s your question?”

“Well, you have a bunch of boys, right?”

“Yes.”

“How do you keep them from fighting with each other all the time?”

Silence.

I looked at her for a solid minute before answering with all the sincerity that I possessed, “I genuinely apologize if I’ve mistakenly given the impression that I’d be able to answer this question successfully.”

“But… but… you have boys!”

“Yes, I do. And they fight on and off with each other all day. Sometimes they’re best friends and sometimes they’re not friends at all. My three- and four-year-old once woke up and before their eyes were open, they started hitting each other. Before they were fully conscious!”

I take a breath. “What I’m trying to say is that if there’s a secret to stopping your children from fighting with each other, I have no clue what it is.”

I could feel her disappointment radiating toward from across the table and I felt bad that I couldn’t be more helpful.

But here’s the truth: I’m not a parenting expert. I’m just a parent.

All children, however, are expert children. They excel at the Terrible Twos. They are amazing at the Terrifying Threes. I’m quite certain one of my kids is going to be the valedictorian of the Felonious Fours.

If you do the math, it does seem that expert children deserve expert parenting, but all I’ve got are the small bits of wisdom I’ve managed to glean from previous mistakes I’ve made.

As a public service that no one has asked for, I’ll list a few handy parenting tips, while asking you to keep in mind that I’m probably still not the person you should be looking to for parenting advice.