The bochurim gave him confidence. They had made it fun again. Maybe the experts would hear that in his voice again — not just the power and range, but also the joy

S

huey Portman refreshed the page for the 16th time that morning, frustration turning to anger. The song was meant to be released today, and JMMatzav was the starting point, even before it would hit the streaming platforms and iTunes.

Shuey hadn’t told the bochurim, because they were so proud of the low budget production, but he’d had to pay Herman, who owned the site, to post it, even though everyone knew that it was slow season, after Chanukah and too far from Purim.

“Actually,” Herman had said, “the fact that it’s slow season has made this time very hot, if you know what I mean. In marketing it’s called the ‘dry season bump.’ ”

Look at you, Mr. Marketing Guru. I remember when you were a little kid hanging around at concerts trying to break in and they didn’t even let you have supper backstage at the Mechayil El Chayil concert, because you weren’t performing, and you got all kvetchy, complaining that you had done some of the rehearsals with them.

Shuey had swallowed and given over his credit card number, paying $650 for the release on the site, a glowing review, posting on the YouTube and Vimeo channels, and a link going out to email subscribers and all six WhatsApp chats.

Whatever it takes, right? It was for the bochurim, he told himself. They deserved to feel success, to know that the song had made it, and this exposure would give it a head start.

He knew that A-list singers would never pay to have anyone push a song, and once upon a time, he would have been on that list.

For a moment, he let his mind wander…. He imagined the song catching on, and slowly, steadily, background noise turning to real buzz. Portman? The guy from Ein Kamocha? Look at that, he’s back…. Did you hear it? It’s takke something….

Raffi and Benjy Lang and Jacoby and the Israeli guy, they would all hear it and have similar thoughts, that Shuey Portman’s problem was never his voice, but his psyche. He didn’t see himself as a star, he didn’t have the swag, the mindset of a star, blah blah blah.

So why would it be different now?

Because his mindset had changed, that’s why. The bochurim gave him confidence. They had made it fun again. Maybe the experts would hear that in his voice again — not just the power and range, but also the joy.