It’s a kiddie coup —Esther’s kids run the house for two days

"You’re the worst Mommy ever!”

If you’ve never heard a variation of that theme, you’re not a mother.

My kids usually say this to me after I enforce something “for their own good.” See, kids don’t have a firm grasp on the concept of suffering for the sake of values, like yes to bathing, no to candy and more screen time.

So, after one too many “worse evers,” I turned to my kids and said, “How would you like to be in charge?”

They looked at me suspiciously — was this a trap? Because if it wasn’t, the answer was yes!

“Wait,” I held up a hand. “Being in charge means more than doing what you want.”

Ah, so the catch they’d expected had arrived.

“You need to do all the things Mommy and Tatty do — cook, clean, and take care of the baby.”

My kids let out the breath they’d held. That was it?

“Yes!” they shouted.

And there you have my next Life Lab.

For two days I didn’t do much, mostly watched my kids to make sure they didn’t kill each other or burn the house down.

The night before they took over, I had them sit down and plan their days’ schedule. I didn’t have to say much before they were working out who was to be in charge of what, when they were going to do each thing, and what the house rules were.

I gotta tell you, they seemed so thought-out and sensible. This is what they wrote:

7:30 Breakfast

8:00 Get dressed

8:30 Davening

9:00 First teleconference

9:35 Prodigy (computer math game) — third boy is first. Each plays for 10 minutes.

Then they listed the rest of the day’s million teleconferences. Ok, only six.

2:05: We Watch (a.k.a. screen time — more on that later)

6:30: Supper

9:00: Bedtime (usually 7:45)

And then the rules:

Three snacks a day; homework is optional; no fights; no screaming; if you make a mess, clean it up; no “being a pain.”

Not too bad. To be honest, I was even a little disappointed. Did my kids have no desires or imagination? Why only three snacks? Why go to bed at nine?