Ma’s still staring at me like she can’t believe she birthed such a brat, so I hurriedly explain

Just a break. All I wanted was a break, a tiny little vacation from my life, just some sun, fun, laughs, and beaches. Images of me and Goldie lounging on chaises near the pool, shopping with Ma in some of Florida’s best malls, davening Minchah as the sun sets into the sea, salmons cooking on the grill as we sip iced coffees…. That vision was what was keeping me going during the long math classes, the color war practices, the Pesach cleaning and cooking marathons.

And now we were going to be learning to crochet and taking long slow strolls on the boardwalk with Babby’s walker.

I love Babby, I really, really do, but I need this. I need this trip to be lighthearted and fun, and that, too, is being taken away from me, like everything else this year.

I’m too annoyed to even talk. I shoulder past several brothers on my way into the kitchen, grab a frying pan, and begin making matzah brei silently.

“Throw some more matzah in there, Belka,” Naftoli calls.

“Oh, for me too,” Yehuda echoes.

“I’ll take some.”

“Yeah.”

I blink out of my reverie as brothers start coming out of the woodwork, following the scent of brown sugar and matzah.

“You guys. Just. Finished. Eating,” I say through clenched teeth.

Aharon pulls the maple syrup out of the fridge. “True, but we didn’t bentsh yet.”

They all laugh, and begin a deep halachic debate on bentshing and washing.

Bein hazmanim. It’s not for everyone.

Sighing, I crack some more eggs into the pan.

“I didn’t see any of you offer to make me a matzah and cream cheese sandwich when you were eating,” I say balefully.

I don’t really want a matzah and cream cheese sandwich, but I need to snap at someone.

“Uh, you weren’t in the kitchen then, Bell,” Chemia says, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh, you weren’t in the kitchen then,” I mimic.

The kitchen falls silent and I realize that I’ve killed the mood. Martin men are giving each other sideways looks and I know everyone’s going to be tiptoeing around my feelings for the next few hours.

“Whatever, it’s fine. Come and get it,” I sigh.