Maybe she was embarrassed about it, I thought. She certainly wasn’t willing to share it with me

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

Kayla was 26 when she started dating Yechiel, who was the same age. “He checks off all the boxes,” she reported after their third date. “And the conversation flows, we don’t run out of things to talk about.”

The fourth date was intense. “It was one long hashkafah conversation,” she told me. “But it was good, we agree on the main things. And I appreciate that we’re able to really talk through an issue together.”

Dates five, six, and seven went well for both of them. Kayla started saying things like, “I wonder if this could really be it?”

Yechiel wasn’t asking that question; he was saying things like, “When do you think she’ll be ready?”

But suddenly Kayla changed her tune. his could be it turned into something’s bothering me. But she didn’t seem to know exactly what it was. “I just can’t put my finger on it.”

I urged her to try to figure it out. “You connected with Yechiel in a way you’ve never connected with a guy before,” I reminded her. “Figure out what’s getting in your way and see if you can work it out.”

“I’m not really sure,” she said vaguely.

For their ninth date, Yechiel took Kayla to a nice restaurant, but it fell flat. “I wish we could go back to how things were in the beginning,” Kayla moaned. “Something feels off now.”

“Kayla,” I said, “are you comfortable with Yechiel’s appearance?”

“Yes,” she said.

“Attraction is not an issue?” I pressed.

“Not at all,” she insisted.

I thought for a minute. “Does he have a lisp? Or a speech impediment?” I tried. “Or something like that?”

“No,” Kayla insisted. “I’m telling you, it’s just a feeling.”