Avrumi just doesn’t get it. He sees it as new-age coddling, too many chinuch panels and not enough simple deretz eretz

Chaim’s arms were crossed. I couldn’t see his ankles under the table, but I’d be willing to bet they were crossed too. His cowlick stood on end after he’d nervously run his fingers through it so many times. He always tries to play macho, but he’s such a teddy bear at heart.

Avrumi sat across from him; I sat at the head of the table. Avrumi cleared his throat. It sounded so official, like he was about to make a statement to the press.

“Your Rosh Yeshivah called.”

That’s all he said. Was Chaim supposed to fill in the blank? Was I supposed to jump in?

“Do you want to say anything before I continue?”

This was not how it sounded like Arvrumi would approach it when we discussed it. Sit tight, Chana.

Chaim drew his shoulders up, retreating into himself like a turtle. But then he dropped his shoulder and sat up straight. Oh, this wasn’t going to go well. He used to compare himself to his best friend, Shuey, and the rest of his chevreh. Tail of a lion, Chaim always said of himself. But then, sometimes, he’d try to be the lion.

“Is it true then?” Avrumi asked. I wanted to kick him under the table, but he’d probably think it was an accident. I tried giving him a look.

“Chaim,” I interrupted. Avrumi gave me a look, but I ignored him — he’s too old school-chinuch in some ways. “The Rosh Yeshivah told us that you pulled the smoke alarm in the dorm. Twice. The immediate consequence is that you’re kicked out of the dorm until further notice, which is a problem we’ll deal with momentarily. The bigger issue is why you did it. I have a few theories, but I’d love to hear from you first.”

Chaim’s shoulders rounded but he didn’t respond. I glanced at Avrumi. His nostrils were flaring. Chaim still didn’t respond, and Avrumi was silently seething. Great.

“Okay,” I started. “So some of my theories are that you’re conscious of safety and you were proactively checking if the systems worked, but not everyone appreciates your vigilance. Or maybe there was a tiny fire, so you pulled the alarm, but the fire was so small, no one but you saw it, and it was put out quickly. Or maybe you’re trying to be cool, so you did it once, and then to prove that you’re still cool, you did it again.”

Chaim smirked at the first, snorted at the second, and fidgeted at the third. Bingo.