Every time a person gives tzedakah, it’s not a matter of giving, it’s a matter of taking

“Speak to Bnei Yisrael, and they shall take to Me a portion, from every man whose heart will motivate him should you take My portion.” [Shemos 25:2]

The Chumash commentaries are bothered by the words, “take to Me” a portion. Shouldn’t it say, “give to Me” a portion? There are many different answers given to this question. Some commentaries explain that when a person gives to a poor person, he is giving him something physical and material (gashmiyus). However, by giving the poor person money, the donor performs a mitzvah, which is spiritual (ruchniyus). In the “real world,” ruchniyus is eternal; material things are transient. Thus, the donor receives a better deal than the recipient. He took the mitzvah, while the poor person only received a few dollars, which will be quickly spent. Therefore, every time a person gives tzedakah, it’s not a matter of giving, it’s a matter of taking. (Rabbi Yissocher Frand)

I

don’t use cash much on a daily basis, but I always make sure I have some spare change in my wallet, because you never know when someone will approach you for tzedakah. A while back I was walking in Geula and three separate collectors approached me. I gave them each a small sum and then continued on my errands.

Rav Simcha Scheps, in his sefer Simchas HaTorah, suggests another interpretation. Rav Scheps also explains that when one gives tzedakah, he is actually taking, but he explains it as follows: By giving tzedakah a person is elevating himself. As a result of giving money to a poor person or to a charity fund, a person becomes a giver. There is no greater goal in life than to become a giver. When a person becomes a giver, he resembles the Shechinah. This is the life mission of every person in this world.

We enter this world as takers, but when we learn to give, we become G-dlike, and the more we give, the more G-dlike we become. The pasuk in Mishlei says, “Charity elevates the nation….” Therefore, someone who gives is, in fact, taking something much greater.

A little while later, a fourth collector approached me. By now, I only had a half-shekel left, which I handed to her apologetically. But to my surprise and embarrassment, she threw the coin back in my face, together with a stream of angry imprecations.

I quickly realized she had serious social issues, but that didn’t stem my pain at having my donation so rudely rejected.

The Simchas HaTorah references the Rambam in his Mishnah commentary to Tractate Avos. The Rambam writes that if a person has one thousand coins to distribute to charitable causes, it’s preferable to give one thousand people one coin each, then to give one thousand coins to a single person. Although in accounting terms the outlay is identical, the Rambam writes that when someone gives a single large donation to just one person, he does not thereby become a giver. He may well remain the same stingy person he always was, just a stingy person who happened to give one large donation However, if someone gives and gives, over and over again, his personality changes. Someone who has given one thousand times becomes a different type of person. He has become a giver.

Later that day I was serving supper. My kids are especially picky eaters, and no matter how much I try, there’s bound to be one kid who refuses to eat what I prepared. Tonight it was Shloime. He was very overtired, and not only did he refuse to eat, he also shared his discontent very clearly. I never make what he likes, and I only make what everyone else likes, and he’s going to find another place to live, etc.… you get the point.

I’d worked hard on making supper and felt pretty lousy hearing this... when I realized the situation wasn’t dissimilar to what had happened that morning in Geula. I wanted to be the giver, to have the good feeling of providing someone with what they needed. What I hadn’t realized is that both times I was really the taker, needing the zechus of the giving, and yes, maybe needing the embarrassment and frustration that both situations engendered.

To mix up the quote from Hamlet: Never a giver, but a taker be.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 982)