Instead of blaming others, recognize that it was bashert

…If however, he did not lie in wait, but Hashem brought it upon his hand, I will provide you a place where he can flee. (Shemos 21:13)

This pasuk discusses someone who accidentally murdered his fellow man. The Torah states clearly that Hashem’s Hand caused this to happen. This reveals that even when someone harms another person, it is from Hashem. There is no one to be angry at because it was destined to happen.

The Gemara (Bava Kama 85b). says, “From here we learn that doctors are permitted to heal the ill. Why would we think that doctors may not heal? Rashi explains that a doctor might say, ‘If Hashem smote him, then the wound is from Hashem; how do I have permission to go against Hashem’s Will?’ Therefore, the Torah specifically tells the doctors that they may heal. (Rav Elimelech Biderman, Torah Wellsprings)

ITwas a day of deluge; the winter storm had swept the country, and the rain was pounding so hard you could barely hear yourself think. I was on the way to the office in Yerushalayim and regretting my decision not to work from home because driving was so difficult. The windshield wipers ran as fast as they could and still couldn’t keep up with the sluicing wall of water. Visibility was nil, with a huge fog settling, so you couldn’t see the car in front of you.

I was driving very slowly and breathed a sigh of relief when I finally approached the turn for work. Only a few more minutes and I’d be out of the inclement weather and enjoying warmth.

This is an important concept. Instead of blaming others, recognize that it was bashert. Everything is from Hashem. Yosef was sold to Mitzrayim, but he was never angry with his brothers for doing so. Instead, Yosef told his brothers (Bereishis 45:8), “And now, you did not send me here, but Hashem.” When we recognize that everything is from Hashem, we won’t take revenge.

Crunch.

No.

The bus to the right of me took that moment to swing left to avoid a parked car, and yes, crunched right into the front of my car. My first thought was This is not happening! I’d just dealt with a fender bender two months before, when someone hit my parked car. Now another one? Why was this driver so negligent? Didn’t he know the weather made conditions worse so he had to be even more careful? I so didn’t want to deal with this.

The Chinuch (Mitzvah 241) writes, “One of the reasons for the mitzvah of not taking revenge is so people should take to heart that everything that happens to them — the good and the bad — was destined by Hashem. If someone harms you or causes you distress, believe it is because of your aveiros, and Hashem decreed it. Your fellow man isn’t the cause of your suffering. The cause is your aveiros. Chazal (Chulin 7b:15) says, “A person doesn’t hurt his finger unless it was decreed in Heaven.” When a person lives with this emunah, it will be easy for him to overcome his anger because he knows it wasn’t a person who hurt him.

But deal with it I did, on the side of the road, with the rain pounding my sheitel and soaking through my thin coat. I exchanged licenses and insurance information with the driver of the bus. At one point I went to take a picture of the damages and got both feet soaked to the ankles by the roaring torrents of water racing down the curb.

I finally finished with the bus and pulled up to work, drenched, freezing, and beyond frustrated. I had no time and no headspace for fighting with insurance companies, dealing with a body shop, and managing without a car while the requisite repairs were made. Why did that bus driver have to make my life miserable?

It wasn’t until later, once I was home, snuggled into a warm sweatshirt and nursing a cup of coffee, that I was able to think more clearly. Digging deep inside myself, I forced myself to recognize and accept that these circumstances had nothing to do with the negligent driver. It may have looked like an ordinary bus with wheels that go round and round, but Hashem was driving it.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 981)