“Rabbi Rubashkin has a way of piercing through every Jewish heart and arousing the neshamah”

Face Reality [Inbox / Issue 1091]

I second the sentiment expressed by last week’s letter writer about Rabbi Eli Scheller’s mini-serial. It was beautiful to read about his growth and the challenges he overcame, and our family enjoys his material as well.

However, I too took issue with the statement that he’s happy he wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD because it’s “not helpful to slap on a label” (I’m paraphrasing here).

ADHD is not a label, it’s not a “this generation” thing, it’s not an intolerance for the kids who need a different approach. It is its own diagnosis, and it is real. And being able to face and name what your child has (or what you have) is a necessary part of the work. Moreover, if you are able to get by and succeed without naming and treating the diagnosis, I would venture to say maybe you don’t really have it.

Knowing what it is, knowing that you have it and you are still a valuable person whom Hashem made, taking medication if you need it, and getting whatever help the diagnosis entails, are all real-life things one has to do with ADHD. That is the challenge you’ve been given; take it and run with it. “Avoiding a label” is an outdated way of thinking or speaking about ADHD and is an unfair characterization to those of us who have it in our lives.

M.L.

Lakewood, NJ

Unfair Equivalence [Perspective / Issue 1091]

Thank you for the interesting and inspiring article about Rabbi Efrem Goldberg’s trip to the UAE. While I did find the piece eye-opening, I was uncomfortable with one of the ideas mentioned.

Rabbi Goldberg writes, “many of those we met grew up with stereotypes about Jews, just as too many of us grew up with stereotypes about them. They were taught to feel hate until real encounters rewrote their hearts.” In my opinion, it is incorrect and unfair to equate their hatred of us with our feelings toward them, for the following reasons:

The nature of the hate. Islamic hatred of Jews often translates into violence. While you may find Jews who say they hate or fear Muslims, you would be hard-pressed to find Jews who would indiscriminately harm them when given the chance. In the many years I lived in Israel, Muslims could walk freely past my home and along most, if not all, streets without fear. The same cannot be said of most Muslim countries.

Religious mandate. I do not claim to be an expert on the Quran or Islamic law. However, according to many reports and interviews with Muslims who both practice the faith and have left it, their laws and beliefs clearly dictate that Jews should be murdered in the name of G-d, and that those who do so will receive tremendous heavenly reward for their sacrifice. A Jew, on the other hand, has no mandate to hate — let alone kill — non-Jews (certainly not today), and it would be considered in violation of the Torah for unnecessarily inflicting harm or even provoking a fight.

Moral clarity. The majority of the world is not on our side; they sympathize with our enemies. This is how Hashem designed it. At best, many people will say that both sides are equally hateful and equally wrong. But we know that our feelings are not the same as those of the Muslim nations, and neither is our moral standing. We may never change their minds, but in a world where moral equivalence creates utter confusion about the situation in Israel, we need clarity about who we are and what we stand for.

I believe the article could have been written just as beautifully without comparing our feelings and upbringing to theirs. That being said, I did enjoy the piece.

A Jew who doesn’t hate Muslims

Making It Real [Eight Years In, Eight Years Out / Issue 1091]

I was so excited to see the article about the Rubashkins. My husband and I go to the shiur on a weekly basis, and it has been completely life-changing for us.

Rabbi Rubashkin has a way of piercing through every Jewish heart and arousing the neshamah to connect to Hashem in a deep way. Every single person, whether they admit it in public or not, is dealing with a galus challenge. When one listens to his teachings and how to apply Chovos Halevavos to their personal life, it becomes so real. You actually view things with a whole different set of glasses. Rabbi Rubashkin makes everyone realize that bitachon can actually change the course of a person’s life spiritually and physically. He is on fire to spread the Name of Hashem and all the goodness that He wants to give us.

People going through huge challenges (and smaller ones too) get tremendous chizuk from him, because he himself went through the pain as well. It makes no difference to him if his audience numbers five people or 100 people. Rabbi Rubashkin, together with his eishes chayil, will drive out to every shiur even if it means only one person will get the chizuk they need and will stay as long as necessary to talk to any individual that needs comfort and guidance. They see a holy neshamah in each person that deserves their help.

A big acknowledgment to their daughter Mrs. Roza Weiss, my good friend. She is the behind-the-scenes driving force behind most of their events and functions

On behalf of all the people who get inspired but don’t voice our thank-yous: We owe you a lot!

Chani Ehrman

Lakewood NJ

Mind Your Own Business [Double Take / Issue 1091]

I was deeply troubled by the Double Take story about siblings Miri and Avi. Avi made a big mistake by interfering in Miri and Naftali’s parenting of their son, Shimi. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to traditional chinuch methods that work for any child, let alone a struggling child, for whom traditional methods can backfire.

And bribing a child (Avi’s method of choice) never brings a child back to Yiddishkeit. Many struggling children are dealing with a form of trauma based on past experiences, and while bribing might seem to “work” in the short term, it never authentically connects a child authentically to Hashem in the long term. What was going to happen to Shimi and first seder after the trip to Florida? He was already suffering in other areas because he wasn’t emotionally ready to attend morning seder on a daily basis.

Avi doesn’t know this because he isn’t the parent, and he’s only focusing on the short-term goal. Our children are not our personal nachas machines. Thankfully, Miri and Naftali knew this and were prepared to nurture and support Shimi on his journey. I hope all parents get that message from this story and I hope all extended family members get the message to trust parents to raise their own children and stay in their own lane.

Liz Rothstein

Baltimore, Maryland

People over Prints [Shul with a View / Issue 1091]

I was surprised to read the recent Shul with a View column that portrayed a family taking a photographer to beis din over a lost picture. I was very disappointed that the article suggests calling someone to din Torah is a way of showing love for a child.

My own family experienced a much worse mishap when our oldest son’s bar mitzvah photographer never showed up. We were devastated — those images were meant to capture a once in a lifetime moment. Yet I could never imagine resorting to din Torah over a photograph. A simchah is about the people, not the prints. I explained that to my son and we simply said “Gam zu l’tovah” and moved forward.

“The bigger picture” is to teach children that true value lies in kindness, humility, and the ability to forgive a mistake. Things happen beyond our control and calling someone to din Torah over a lost picture is just bad middos.

C. Horowitz

Monroe, NY

A Daughter’s Perspective [Back to the Future / Issue 1090]

I read the lovely, informative article that you wrote about my father, Rabbi Meyer May, with great excitement. While I recognize that the article was not intended to be a full biography, I’d like to add a few important points from the perspective of a daughter.

As busy as my father was, he always made time to learn with my brothers. He would learn with them in the kollel every night, and he also spent a few summers and Elul zmanim learning with them in Yeshivas Ateres Yisrael in Yerushalayim, where he developed a close relationship with the rosh yeshivah, Rav Baruch Mordechai Ezrachi.

My father has real relationships with many roshei yeshivah and gedolim. Our family hosted the parlor meeting for Rav Avraham Ausband (Riverdale) for 25 years. My father had a close shayachus to the Rosh Yeshivah and spoke to him about many life decisions. My father was also very close to Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz and continues the relationship with Reb Gedaliah and Rabbi Nosson Scherman of ArtScroll.

Although my father has an extremely busy schedule, he has a close relationship with each of his children and grandchildren. He has special names for each one and is involved in the details of their lives.

And finally, I wanted to note that my father could not do the work he did and continues to do without a supportive partner at his side. His work involved a lot of travel and multiple responsibilities, and my mother consistently held down the fort and provided us with a warm, caring, and structured environment. As my father said many times, “Sheli v’shelachem shelah hi.”

Thank you for allowing me to give more breadth and perspective to the unusual person my father is.

Mrs. Chana Schiff

Lakewood, NJ

Own Your Choices [Inbox / Issue 1090]

I was disturbed to see a letter calling for the host of the Toameha that Mordy Berkowitz attended to take responsibility for the DWI accident that followed.

There is a tendency (largely from left-wing media) to shift blame and treat perpetrators as victims. Let’s remember that the Torah requires those who cause damages or even accidentally murder to take responsibility and pay for the consequences of their actions. A lifetime (possibly) in an ir miklat may not feel “fair,” but that’s Torah prescribed.

The writer was calling out people who are providing alcohol to other people’s children. Everyone is someone’s child. But if that child is legally old enough to drive and legally old enough to drink alcohol, he is considered an adult and he is old enough to make choices.

I don’t approve of the social-drinking trend that has become fashionable. But we can’t absolve adults, even young ones, of responsibility. We have to be strong and teach our children to be strong enough to make the right, responsible decisions whether or not the environment is ideal. In life, temptation has many faces, and it isn’t going away so soon.

D.C.

Returning His Support [Face-Off / Issue 1089]

Thank you for featuring Dr. Moshe Glick, a modern-day hero. It’s shameful that a man who acted to defend others has ended up on the defendants’ bench. Dr. Glick is refusing to accept a plea deal because he cares about his fellow Jews, stating, “I just couldn’t live with myself if I gave into this. They [pro-Hamas demonstrators] can’t be allowed to attack Jews and cast themselves as the victim. What would happen the next time? When someone else needs to be saved, will a bystander hesitate to act because they don’t want to get in trouble? This could cost lives.”

It’s important that the Jewish community in return steps up to the plate, and supports Dr. Glick.

Please advise if there is a way to make a donation to cover some of the legal costs of his case.

Let’s hope and pray Dr. Glick is vindicated very soon, and that Jews around the world have a safe and healthy winter.

Mrs. R. Atkins

London, UK

Want to Help [Face-Off / Issue 1089]

I read with horror and dismay the article about Moshe Glick and his trial, though having lived through the trials of Rabbi Rubashkin and Rabbi Eiseman, I shouldn’t be surprised. Is there any place we should be sending letters to? Can Mishpacha provide contact info? Also can we have his full name for Tehillim? Hoping to hear good news soon.

M.G.

Lakewood, NJ

Standing Strong [Face-Off / Issue 1089]

Firstly, I want to sincerely thank Mishpacha magazine and writer Yitzchok Landa for publishing “Face-Off,” the article detailing the egregious miscarriage of justice I am currently undergoing. This important piece is bringing much-needed attention to this troubling situation, and your coverage has helped highlight the challenges facing Jewish community members who stand up against anti-Semitism.

Second, I am deeply grateful to all those who have reached out with support and encouragement, and especially for the countless tefillos offered on my behalf. My full name for tefillos is Moshe Aaron ben Devorah. It has been truly heartwarming to see how many in the community are outraged by this injustice — the numerous emails, phone calls, and messages offering chizuk have been incredibly appreciated and have provided tremendous strength to me and my family during this difficult time. The outpouring of solidarity reminds us that a Yid is never alone.

For those who wish to assist with the ongoing legal defense fund, contributions can be made through the campaign on the Israel365 website. For more information about getting case updates or how you can get involved, please reach out via Mishpacha.

Thank you once again for shedding light on this issue. May we see justice served speedily. May Hashem continue to watch over all of Am Yisrael, and may we continue to always be am echad b’lev echad!

Dr. Moshe Glick (Moshe Aaron ben Devorah)

West Orange, NJ

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1092)